Yesterday I thought of this places that does counselling other than our local community place that handles that kind of things. Not sure what you call it. It is more like a hospital than an office they have a pharmacy in and out patient care. It seems like they are more about medicating you and sending you on your way than really trying to help you. I understand that some may need medication and that is fine. I have taken them in the past and may need them again, I am not anti medication but I prefer to try other things and use them as a last resort. I know that for me just having someone to talk to really helps me. But I don’t know that is going to help me alone or not this time around because of feeling so tired and having no energy even when I do get sleep and not stressed. If not and I need to take something I am ok with trying that as long as I don’t feel like a zombie or numb to everything. I don’t want to just not care or walk through life feeling drugged all the time. I feel like the place I was going to go to that is what they are going to do just hand me medication and that is going to be that. I know at times your supposed to have an hour time slot they get you in and out in a few minutes or half hour because they are behind or in a hurry and want to get out of there. I don’t want that.

Yesterday I was talking to someone and counselling came up and we were talking about it was really the only place you could go to get help they do a sliding scale for your fee and things if you don’t have insurance. I thought of another place in my area a little closer to me that has a sliding scale but also takes insurance and they are more like a private practice office than the other place I was going to go to. I know they have some good people there that really work with their clients and really care. I had a friend that went there for a while when he was going through a really hard time and a crisis. He was able to get a hold of of his counselor after hours or on the weekend if he needed to.

The other place you can call for days and not get a call back from anyone much-less your worker. I have a family memeber that see’s them and they were called all weekend and days during the week because we were having problems with them and wasn’t sure if we should call someone, take them to the hospital if they could call ahead and let them know that we were bring them in to make sure they got the proper help or anything they never called us back. Knowing this person had two suicide attempts in the past. Lucky there was someone who could stay with them and things until things were worked through and to do something it things got worse. But what if that had been a client on their own calling for help and no one answered or returned a call? What may have happen or if it had been someone calling for a client and they were not able to stay with them to make sure everything turned out ok and thought that the worker was going to call back and they never did?

I was really happy I had thought of this place and really wanted to go there and talk to them about seeing someone. I am hoping they take my insurance and if they don’t the fee isn’t to high and I can pay it so that I can see someone there. I got the kids up and ready for school, I got dressed and ready with them and was going to go there right after I dropped them off since it isn’t to far from my older kids school. I left the school and headed back home. I realized and turned around and while doing that talked myself out of going. I decided it was probably better to call and see if they would see me and set everything up. Even though I hate calling anywhere and doing that kind of thing. I like to go in in person talk to them do all the paperwork and everything I need to do and go from there. But I told myself I probably didn’t have all they were going to ask for and that the time I was going to take there talking to them and waiting was time I was taking away from my work that I really needed to be doing. I just pulled out the other direction again and went home. Then I was really aggravated with myself for doing it and not going there and finding out if and how they could help me and getting a time to be seen set up or at least getting everything done and finding out what I needed to bring back in so I could get set up.

I told myself I had so much other stuff to do that I need to get it done and then worry about doing that when I have more time for me and to do that kind of things. Because I have the field trip next week, my two test, the doctors for my breast and to get the truck fixed. I need to take the two little ones to the doctor and set up a bunch of appointments for all the kids. The older two need to go to the doctor about their thyroid, the one needs to go about her skin, one needs to go about testing for his learning and things. When do I really have time to go see these people and talk to them every week with all the other things we already have to do and all I need to add to it? I know it is just an excuse so I was even more angry at myself for not going and making excuses.

Wednesday is a new day to try again to get there and get this started. I will be gone out of town all day on a field trip Monday, have my test and running my mom around on Tuesday. Wednesday after my test on I have rest of the week to get there and the other doctor and get everything set up. I just need a kick in the butt to do it I guess I don’t know.

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