Coming home and having a home to come back to was such a relief, it has also just left me with this odd since of calmness. Just that everything is how it is supposed to be for the time being, that I should not change my plans that I have for school or anything like that. I feel like I should just be and enjoy the up swing that we are on without worrying that the bottom is going to fall out.
I was looking around at my living room tonight thinking that it is almost complete, I went and bought two new floor lamps last night to go with the new furniture and things. I bought them because a year or more ago the dog chewed the cord to both my others in half, they were spliced back together with wire nuts. Not really the safest either. I had really forgotten about it until I started moving everything around and one of the cords got pulled apart so I was down to one lamp. It was to dark in here last night so I went to get another. I was only going to buy one because of money and the other cord is holding up even though it probably isn’t safe. I went to a different store than where I bought these I found a few they had left. It is a discount close out store so they just get this and that and a few of things most the time. I grabbed one and headed to check out. I was thinking it was less than what I paid for them at the other store. Then I noticed how hievy the box was and started looking at it, these were much nicer more sturdy lamps than the ones I had bought at the other store for more money. The ones I have are like something for a dorm room or something cheaply maid. I thought man I want two of these I will have to come get another one later so they will match and they are nice. They should last a long time. Then I thought of where I was at and that they only had 4 or 5 in the store. I ended up going and getting another one right then because I knew they wouldn’t have them later I would pay twice as much or more for a matching one later. I looked when I got home and ones like it at the other store start at $30 and go up for one. I got both of these for $36.
Now all I need is some stuff to put on the walls. For the last two years we had our two maps and white board hanging up there. I have been wanting to put something else up instead but can’t decide what. I looked around at the stores we were in last night but didn’t really see anything for the living room. But the walls are to empty. Other than that it feels so right, it feels good that was have what we want and are starting to enjoy our home and our life.
Also with this new found calm I have this drive to want to date. It is not just that feeling of being lonely and wanting to be with someone, or that missing having someone around but still have that feeling of not being ready and not really wanting anyone around at the same time. This is a feeling that hey everything is ok, you have done what you needed to do for the kids and things it is time to do something for you. Go out there and meet some new people get out date have some fun. I don’t have mixed feeling about it and should I wait until we get moved, I need to finish school and just worry about school or what needs to be taken care of. For once I feel that it’s all good and I can really start to date.
I feel like as long as I don’t change my plans for school, moving, meeting the kids, taking it slow and other things then I should jump back out there and enjoy life and find someone to enjoy it with. For once in my life I feel like I can do that and not rush into things again like I have in the past. I just can’t explain how good I feel and how ok I feel with all this with really no worries surprisingly.
The other night in the store this guy walked by me and god he smelled so good. He had some spray on. I thought about it I hardly ever do I smell any guy wearing a body spray or something like that. I don’t know why it is such I turn on if you don’t bath in it.