I went to my therapy appointment, I laid down and took a nap for about an hour then got distracted with other things before I got my shower. I ended up not getting in the shower until 1120 and needed to leave by 1130. I got there about 3 minutes early, not as early as I wanted to but I got there.
When I was done with the paperwork the therapist came out and got me, we went back to her office. She just asked what all was going on, if there were any life changes that had happen. I told her everything. About splitting up with Father of the Year, being with RC and him not being around, losing my dad, um going to school, being homeless, that the depression was really bad when I was pregnant that they wanted me to take somethig then but that I would’t because I was already having problems with the pregnancy and didn’t. She asked what I did for intertainment or fun. I told her I didn’t do anything that I didn’t go out or nothing like that. I told her I run the kids. I told her that I had no one to watch the kids or help with them, I didn’t have anyone that really does anything or helps in anyway. She asked how things were with my mom and where she was. I told her she has her the truth, I go take her where she needs to go when I have to, show up for holidays and answer the phone and get through calls with her other than that I avoid dealing with her. She said so you do what your “supposed” to do. I said yeah. I told her she needs to be seen and treated for ocd, depression and anxiety but refuses to talk to anyone or take and thing. That I can’t deal with her no more than I have to. That she can decide not to do anything about it and that is fine but I chose not to go around anymore than I have to. She was like I don’t blame you at all I understand that.
She asked what I was like and my personality or what. I said I’m pretty laid back and easy going. I said my friends say I am very independent, blunt and don’t take no crap. I said I don’t sugar coat things and if someone does something or I think they are this way or that and start I call them on it and move on. If I don’t like the feeling i get or what i see i won’t even mess with them. She said oh well we should get along just fine because I am the same way. She said I have no felter. I said me either I just don’t care anymore. I was always the peace keeper and go between and keep my mouth shut most the time. I said I just don’t care anymore this is my life and this is how it is if you don’t like it move on. She was like I do not blame you you have to have boundaries and stand up for yourself.
When she was done the first thing she said was that she feels I need something more than her. I need to go see my doctor or a shrink and get on some medication for a little bit because I have had so much happen and so many of them big things. So much that should have just done it but I have just been hanging on for so long. That she thinks it would help to get on something to kind of help me. She said if I wanted to go to a shrink then to give them her card I could just go there pretty much when I needed my medications since they would know I was seeing her. Other wise I would have to go there once a week or so as well. I could just go to them and skip her since they can do it all but I really like her and want to stay with her. She also told me that she wants me to get into the doctor right away for my yearly because I have not done all that since I was pregnant. She wants me to get blood work and thyroid checked. I do have thyroid problems she said that could be it as well I may not need medication if they find something is wrong with the thyroid and put me on something for it.
Like I told her I feel pretty good right now and like I am on a upswing and I don’t feel like the other foot is going to fall or some big thing is going to happen. But I can’t force myself to get up and do the things I need to do, I can’t concentrate I either can’t sleep or want to sleep all the time. I am supposed to go back on the first at 1 to see her again. We talked I have been down before and able to get myself out of it but this time I just can’t get past this no motivation feeling this time. That is another reason she wants me to get a good check up, get things checked out make sure it isn’t something medical going on and if not then to get on medication for depression and anxiety.
When she ask if I had support of any kind I told her no both of my closer friend are going through pretty bad medical things so I don’t tell them to much or talk to much about things. I told her I had my one friend that if it is to bad I can text or call and talk to some but that we don’t talk often. But when things get to bad I go to him because I can say anything and not feel judged or like he is going to freak out because we are a lot a like and nothing surprises us much anymore and we just have that we can just be 100% honest. But that was it we just talked no other kind of help. Just my vent to person.
Now I have to go get the kids from school and they are having father of the year over because it’s his birthday. Puke eye roll.