{November 29, 2016}   complements

When I told my friends boyfriend about what my Little Guy said about him being the worlds best babysitter one of his replies was

just so you know…as sumone look’in in from the outside…you have 4 amazing young’inz…each one talented on their own way and that speaks volumes as to the job your do’in raise’in um…dont let anybody ever tell you different. !!

It was nice to hear and I told him that. I told him it was nice to hear when all I normally hear is how bad I am doing or what I’m not doing.

It really does because all I hear anymore is how this and that is wrong when what I need to be doing when Father of the year or my mom comes over. After the phone call with my mom today and all of her negative I needed to hear what he said.

It made Alison feel good. I will explain Alison in another post either after this or sometime this week.

{November 29, 2016}   Babysitters are Hard to Come By

And I found two of the best according to my Little Man

As you all know Saturday night when I went out my friend watched the kids. They had fun and my Little Guy told me she was the best babysitter ever and wanted me to go out again so she would come back. Yesterday I took her boyfriend to a meeting and then dropped him off at the hospital to get his foot looked at again. He is larger and diabetic so he has trouble with things healing. He was in there for a week or so couple weeks ago but it still isn’t healing. I picked the older kids up and then picked him up. He was waiting for his mom to send him money so we came back to my house and hung out joking and carrying on. After we picked up the little kids we went to get the money his mom sent him and pick his medications up. They didn’t have one at the store we went to the other it had a drive through. We dropped it off and they said it would be an hour and half. They live past the store one way and I live past it the other way. It was late and I had to get kids home and feed them and they needed to get home. I ask the lady if we came in if we could get it faster she said yes. Me and her went in and he sat in the truck with the kids. We came out and they were laughing and having a good time. My Little guy said that he was a good babysitter they had fun.

Today when I picked him up from school on the way to the truck he ask if I would go out so my friend and her boyfriend could watch him again. I said why? He said because he is the best baby sitter in the world. I told him maybe in a week or two. I ask him tonight why he liked him so much and wanted him to babysit him? He said because we chattered all night and had fun. All night was about 15 minutes.

I told my friend boyfriend and he laughed. I am just copy and paste what he said——we had fun…I just tried to pick up on things each of’um liked so I could include each of’um in the fun n keep’um engaged….I reckon it worked

I told him he sure made an impression on him and he said—–Well good…he dang sure made one on me to lol…very creative kid with a heart for God already…wouldn’t be surprised at all if he grew up to be an artist or writer and worked with kids himself

I told him he wanted to draw picture of the bible, be a rock star and a farmer. Farmer most of all and that he joined 4h garden club in school. He said when he does his next year he would have to let him come over to help. My little Guy would love that.

My Little Guy had only met him a couple times but never really spent anytime with him. Just as we picked my friend up or dropped her off wave mostly. But he told me when he was talking about his birthday he wanted to invite them because they were family. I am glad he see’s that family isn’t just blood already. I know he will always have family if he keeps that in mind.

My mom called me today when I was on my way to get the older kids from school. Out of an hour conversation most of it was spent pushing me to move in with her and Father of the Year. I spent most of that hour telling her I was driving to get kids and go home and that I needed to do something and then go get the other kids I had to go. She wouldn’t shut up and kept going on and on about the same thing over and over again. If I was living there how little it would cost each month and how much money I could save and if I took out loans each term I could save it and how much I would have to move somewhere and buy me and the kids a place to live. How I am wasting so much money here and getting no where. I don’t know ho w she thinks I am getting no where I am not trying to go anywhere yet. How she don’t know where we would go other than there that all of us could stay and and we couldn’t all stay here.

I don’t know how she thinks we all couldn’t stay here but could at her place. She only has two bedrooms at her place. I have 4 if you want to get technical if that is two people in each room then she really shouldn’t have 4 at her place and I can have twice that at my house because I do have that room that can be used for a 4th bedroom that we use for our library or office. My landlord has never ever been at my house but once someone from the office drove by took a picture and left for the owner when the new people behind me called code enforcement. They just had to have proof the truck was gone. They have never been inside my house but to do repairs. That is the guy that does them they do not know who lives there who don’t or how many people live in a place they don’t care.

We move over there we can’t keep our animals, we can’t have our stuff, I can’t ever walk out of the house with out 20 questions about where I am going who I am going with why, can’t have anyone over or anything. If I try to go somewhere it is why are you going there why are you seeing them what are you doing then comes up with some way to keep me from going. She dictates every move anyone makes everything they do or don’t do and how they do it. There is always fights because she wants it done now and this way and then you better do all this extra stuff too.

She knows that if she comes to my house I am not getting rid of my dogs (she is scared of them) all because she seen them do this or that when she was a kid, but my dogs have never bitten anyone, they have never even acted like they were going to bother anyone that I have had in my house. They have been very protective of my kids but still never get after anyone unless they truly did something wrong to one of them. She just don’t like the kind that we have them. She never misses a chance to tell me how I need to get rid of them. She knows that every time someone moves, cooks, breathes or touches something the house isn’t going to be bleached down. She knows that I will go where ever I want whenever I want and tell her to bad when she tries to start and that I will have whoever I want to over. She knows that she can’t say anything about nothing because of the way she is. Like I said before she is OCD germaphobe . Besides that my house isn’t good enough for her, it is “old” it needs a bunch of work. It could stand to be remodeled and updated, but it is not like it is not live able. It is a decent house and in an decent area for the most part. She is scared of the area and don’t want to be home alone here. She done told me she wouldn’t stay here by herself here. I don’t know where she thinks she will go because she isn’t going to go with me every time I walk out the door, she can’t drive herself and Father of the Year is not coming here. It is not my problem he has no job he is no help to me here if he has no job and even if he has a job he has to pay me here or not. I am not letting him move back in with me or moving in with them.

She just kept saying same stuff over and over and what was I going to do and how much I could save. Pushing me to tell her I would move in there. I just got tired of it I hold the phone away from my ear put it back so often say yeah, okay, hum and let her talk. I then I just stop saying anything at all she are you there say something. I said I did I said I have to go do this and this and then go get the kids from school in a few minutes, I said I have to go. She finally said well I guess I will talk to you later bye. I said bye and hung up.

It just gets me that again here she is the one that needs someone to pay everything for her but move into her house get rid of or store all my stuff and move into a house 2x smaller than mine with them and pay the bills so that she don’t lose her place and have to be put out. No not happening I could never live with her again. If it came down to the fact I lost my place I would have to let them have the kids and I would sleep in my truck or something. There is no way what so ever I will move back in with her. She tried to blame it on my grandma why things were so bad before. It was her. My grandma was sick and caused some problems but the main problem was her.

I guess I better stop rambling and go make the kids turn the water off in the tub and make dinner. It just makes me so mad and angry that she is doing this and acts this way. The fact she expects us to get rid of and store everything and move out of our house to a tiny condo with her. When she is the one that is not paying anything or very little when she does. She has spent a bunch of money the last few weeks but complain she can’t make bills and they need rent. It is crazy. It is aggravating me that I could be making money if my truck door wasn’t broken or I had a trailer and i can’t get it fixed or find anyone with a trailer. And her place is $50 more than mine right now. She refused to sign a lease until the lady tried to put them out and then the lady wouldn’t sign one with her. Then up the rent. Now they are just there month to month they can come in raise the rent whenever they want to whatever they want or just tell us to leave if they want. If they find out there are 7 people in two bedrooms or they just decide they don’t want them there for some reason they can tell us to leave. As long as I pay my rent and not late when my lease comes back up they will sign me a new one. Last year the lady told me the owner said he didn’t care if I was working or not to sign a new lease with me if I wanted it. Because it was my 3rd lease and I have only been late a few times and it was because my dad was sick and I was taking care of him and the other times was because we had what day it had to be in the office confused. So it was like a day late once in a while. Then I started asking why I was getting late fees and we figured out we had things crossed.

{November 29, 2016}   Baby Boy

Sunday my sister text and said to pray for a friend she was in ICU and they didn’t know if she would make it. I called her to see what happen.

She said that our friend had lifted or moved furniture and started bleeding. She is pregnant with her 4 baby, so really bad. I guess it took her a little bit before she went to the hospital I don’t know why she was scared or what. She has bad anxiety when it’s time to have the baby and things.

When they finally got her to the hospital they said she turned white and started getting sick. They got her right back and said if she had waited any longer to come in she would have died. They put her to sleep and took her in for an emergency c section. When they got her open they said her uterus was transparent. They delivered the baby and ended up having to work on her for 5 hours. They had to shock her and everything else why they were working on her. They came out and told her family and little girls that they did not think she was going to make it. They ended up taking her uterus and one of her tubes out. They had to give her 7 bags of blood, 3 bags of platelets and 3 bags of plasma. They she made it through the surgery and was put in ICU to control her blood pressure and things like that. They wanted to let her wake up for a bit then put her into a coma to keep everything down and let her body rest. She was ok when she came to and they decided I guess not to do the drug induced coma. They had to let her come to so she could sign papers for someone to take care of the baby, see the baby and make decisions I guess about the baby as they had taken him from that hospital to the big children’s hospital in the other county. They said she has to stay there at least a week because they have to monitor her blood and make sure it straitens out.

My sister told me Sunday she thought she was over 30 weeks but not 31 yet. We were talking about the baby, I said he had a good chance at making it if she was that far along. I didn’t know how much but probably  little better than 50% but I could be wrong. He was 2lbs when she had him, I know they will send them home at 3 lbs now if everything else is ok.

Yesterday I took my friends boyfriend to a meeting and the hospital, when he got out we went and picked him up and took them to wal mart. I had to take the kids to the bathroom and I got a text that said the baby was only 27 weeks and they were taking him off the ventilator. I started to cry right there in the bathroom all these kids around in there. I called her and was asking her why and why they thought he wasn’t going to make it did he have other things wrong or was he just not developed enough? She said no that he was ok that they took it out of his mouth earlier that day and put it in his nose and that they said he was doing good enough they felt he did not need it and would breath fine on his own. I was re leaved to hear that. All I could think was she needed to be over there with him and that he was over there by himself and why would they do that with no one there and things. I was thinking I should try and go over there if I could but I didn’t know how I would do that when I didn’t have anyone to watch the kids or gas to get there.

They moved the mom out of ICU yesterday said she was doing better but still had to stay. They had to give her two more bags of blood yesterday and said they would need to giver her more before she left so she still could’t go.

Please pray for baby boy and his mommy that they both continue to get stronger the next few days and are able to be back together soon.

{November 28, 2016}   Bartering and Trading

I was talking to my friend last night when I was at his house and another friend a few weeks ago when I took them somewhere about getting things done or getting things that are needed. I use to have friends or friends of friends that I could call to do just about anything I needed done or to get anything I needed. If not then I could find someone in my family that could help me. It didn’t cost a million dollars like it would if I had to pay someone.

I had a friends, friend that would work on my computers anytime something happen. All I had to do is make dinner or buy him a pack of Cigarettes for payment. If I needed my car worked on I could ask my grandpa or my dad and they would help me. If one of them couldn’t then I could find a friend that would do it. If I didn’t make food or buy Cigarettes then I would babysit or run an errand for them or something like that. We always made good some way.

Everyone has moved on or passed on and I don’t have people to do things anymore. I have to find some place or someone and pay a ton of money so then a lot gets left undone because I just don’t have it. I miss having this circle of friends to do these things for or with.

{November 28, 2016}   Re: Bonfire Kind of Night

Well my friend came over to watch the kids because we never did hear from Father of the Year. I went to see my friend. Some of you may remember my friend from back after me and Father of the Year broke up. He was the one that I was just hanging out with and hooking up with, we weren’t together just doing what we were doing and that was it. Then he kind of decided he might want more and we just drifted in different directions from there. We have always kept in contact and talk off and on. We have known each other since we were in our teens.

As I said in a Bonfire Kind of Night he had a kid free weekend and wanted me to come up for some drinks and to hang out by the fire. Boy what a night it ended up being. We had some drinks and went in to watch a movie. I was asking him some questions about the computer, tv and stuff like that how to get different shows from places and things.

We started fooling around and then I said something about protection and he said he didn’t have anything at all there. I was kind of surprised because he always did in the past. I also had something with me a lot of times. But I have not had anything in forever because I haven’t needed it and I didn’t have money to buy anything on the way. I figured he had them so it wasn’t a big deal we would just use that. Then he didn’t have any.

He said he hadn’t been with anyone in a while he was clean I didn’t have to worry about that. I told him that wasn’t what I was worried about. That I didn’t want anymore kids, it was enough with the ones I had. He said you I didn’t have to worry about it, he would provide for it, he take care of it I wouldn’t have to worry about anything it needed. I said easy for you to say you want another. He said no he didn’t. Then he said well I do but I know it isn’t going to happen I gave up on that.

I know he would if it happen. I know he would be there he would get whatever it needed he would be involved. If it happen and I dropped it off to him and said you take it and raise it I’m not doing it or can’t he would. He has with the one he has now for the last 7 years pretty much on his own. He sends the support for his other. But that isn’t the point. I do not want to have anymore kids, I don’t want to have one in this kind of situation and I am trying to get my schooling done and do what I need to do for us. I don’t want to take care of a baby and I don’t want to have one and just leave it for him to take care of. I want my kids with me. I want to be involved. Although I don’t want to have anymore kids I would like to foster or adopt not have more.

I finally said lets just run up to the store and get something and come back. He wanted me to go get it, I told him to come with me so I didn’t get lost or what. We had went to the little store once and I passed the house. I have never been there and it being dark.

The store was about to close when we got there so there was no one around. We went in I heard someone yelling but it was off I thought across the street at the little store. We came out and there was a man off on the other side of the parking lot screaming yelling and running around. I said to my friend is he fighting with himself or is someone over there? Then I seen there was no one he was just yelling and carrying on. He went around the truck to get in and I was trying to unlock doors when I heard someone behind me say some thing. I turned and looked, there was a lady there and she asked if we would walk her to her car it was over next to where the crazy guy was yelling and freaking out. I told her if she wanted to get in I would give her a ride over there but I wasn’t going to walk over there the way he was acting. She kind of thought about it for a second and said ok. She got in behind me and we drove her over there.

I wanted to back in beside her driver door so she could just get out and jump in her car but there wasn’t room. I got over close to the car and the guy started yelling and running at and around my truck. She was saying do I need to call the police and that she was scared. I told her to just wait I was going to turn around so I was right by the back of her car she could just get out and get in fast, that if he wouldn’t go away or started I would call them we would wait with her until they came. I pulled up open my window he was between my truck and her car. He wasn’t close enough to grab my door but not far he take a step or two he could. My friend yelled at me to close my window and opened his. He leaned out and over the truck and told him this lady just wanted to get in her car and that we would all leave and leave him alone. He started saying something to him and arguing. By now I am getting mad I rolled down my window again. He said ok he would move or something he was hard to understand sometimes. I said look you are between her car and my truck and right by her car. I said can you walk around to the other side of my truck until she can get in her car? I wanted him on the other side of the truck so that the truck would be between him and her it would take him a minute to get around the truck. Plus my friend would be on that said if he tried to start. The guy said I am leaving don’t worry about it. I am going far away I am going over here to blow up this liquor store. I said well we will be out of your way here in  just a second. He got down past the back of my truck and out in the parking lot farther away she jumped out got in her car and we all left. I don’t know what happen to him or what he done after that.

All I could think is this is great something is going to happen. He is going to try to block us and keep me from leaving and start I am going to have to run him over. Or he is going to start with this women and my friend is going to get out of the truck and there is going to be a fight. I wasn’t just going to leave the poor lady standing there unable to get to her car in an empty parking lot whatever happen. I figured if he started standing in front of my truck I would just back up but if he started with the women when she got out it would have been a fight because my friend would have gotten out and stopped him. I figured if he just wouldn’t go away and move we were just going to call the police. He did and he could have ran back up but I wasn’t that worried about it.

We went back to the house and I stayed for a little while then left. He wanted me to stay longer but I knew that wasn’t a good idea and he was falling a sleep. I find it funny he says he don’t want anything other than just friends but then when I am there he don’t want me to leave and always wanting me to stay the night and pulling me close and holding me when we are going to sleep. I don’t know I still don’t know I was going to bring stuff up and talk to him about things but then I didn’t and I don’t know why. I will probably go back up in a week or two and see him or meet him somewhere and talk to him then.

{November 26, 2016}   Bonfire Kind of Night

I am going to see my friend I haven’t seen him in a long time. We text a lot but since I have no sitter and can’t get away or the kids don’t go to their dads we haven’t seen each other in a while. We aren’t together we have talked about it but that is about it. But since we have been more than friends I don’t bring him around. I keep all that away from the kids. As I said before I don’t want them to meet anyone until later, once I have been with someone for a while.

I am not sure how I feel about tonight, I want to get out of the house and I enjoy his company and just hanging out and talking or watching movies. It’s not to cool but not to hot to have a bonfire so that will be nice. It will maybe give us a chance to really talk about things once and for all. Most the time it comes up when I am leaving or why we are texting. I think I will bring it up tonight.

But it will be nice we are going to have a fire and some drinks. He ask me to come over last night but father of the year never showed or turned his phone on. My friend said if I couldn’t get him today she would come and watch them. I told him that my one friend had surgery and the other was busy last night but she would come today. He said that would be good. I am going to get the kids feed and settled down some and then go.

I forgot I was supposed to go with my sister and take the kids to the parade but mine are sick and not listening so they are not going anyway. She don’t want hers to catch what they have. I hope they behave and listen for the sitter while she is here and I don’t have to come home. They just have colds so not like supper sick. But they have been at each other for a while with every one being home from school for almost a week they are antsy.

{November 25, 2016}   Two Missed Pills

As I said in my last post me and my oldest were staying up to watch the new Gilmore Girls at midnight and then found out it was 3 am our time. We made it to 3 and through the first show. I maid it less than half way through the second show. I woke up turned it off and we went to bed.

It was already 5 something in the morning when I went to bed so needless to say I didn’t take my pill. What a horrible night it was, well if you can call it a night. I think I slept 4 hours and woke up a couple times. When I wasn’t awake I was dreaming until I would wake myself up. It was nightmares really, I kept dreaming about these red, yellow and black snakes all over my house and trying to get me. Then someone told me they were poisons, I already thought they were. It really didn’t matter because as I have said many times snakes are the one thing I am not going to have any part of. I would rather fight a person than deal with a snake. I take my chances with anything but a snake.

I also dreamed about a few other things but do not remember them like I remember the snake dreams. The snake dream was always the same one and in my head while I am dreaming I am saying to myself I just dreamed this the other night. Trying to figure out why I am dreaming it. Then I was even trying to figure out if I was awake or dreaming.

I know when I am really stressed I would dream about snakes and things like that, but I think that this is because of not taking my medication. It seems that both nights I had all these crazy dreams is when I miss my medication. I think that it is working but I don’t know if it is completely helping or not though. I feel better over all I still don’t feel like I have any motivation. I don’t know maybe it’s just me, I don’t know. Even though I feel better I still just don’t feel like I really care about the things I should. I want to do things, I do things and have fun but other than that I just don’t care about the things I should. I don’t know how to explain it, I keep telling myself not to stress over or that it isn’t that I don’t care it’s that everything will work out. I guess I should talk to counselor Tuesday and see what she has to say.

{November 25, 2016}   Our Thanksgiving Day

Today wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. We went out to dinner as I said in my other post. We were supposed to go when they opened so that we could get in and not have to wait forever. Well of course that didn’t happen with my mom. I think I finally ended up leaving and getting to the place about 130 pm. They put us on the list and said it was a 3 HOUR wait. The only other place close by said a 45 but no one wanted to go there. After about 45 minutes or so I went back they said it was an hour wait. I don’t know how it went from 3 hours to 45 minutes. In the mean time I am talking to everyone else who is taking their sweet ass time to get there. We got out of the truck and decided to go wait inside for our table. No sooner than we got to the building they were calling us. We went in to sit down and hey had us at two different tables one behind the other. That would have left me and the kids sitting alone why the rest of them ate together. I didn’t want that because the kids wanted to eat with their cousins, their dad and grandma. I ask if we could turn them around and push them together. They said no we couldn’t. I ask her if they had somewhere we could push the tables together. They didn’t at the moment. She said they could put us on the list and as soon as they had something come up they could put together they would let us know but it would probably be an hour. That was fine because I figured it would take the rest that long to get there. It was a matter of minutes and they were calling us back in.

We ended up sitting there forever waiting on them to come. I finally ordered the kids food right after they got it they showed up. We all finally ordered and ate. When we left there the kids wanted to go to the park so we did. The rest of them had to pee so they had to stop at their house on the way to the park instead of using the bathroom at the park. It was about dark when we got there, I got the kids out and we played at the park for a while. Father of the year and my mom came up, my sister decided to stay home because it was getting dark. They played in the park and then we went and walked around by the water and came home.

It was nice to not have to worry about who was cooking what and who’s house we are going to have it. Not haven’t to worry about my mom and all her ocd’s and don’t do this don’t do that, do this and do that’s. I was surprised she wasn’t worse when we were at the park or the restaurant eating. Although part of what took so long was she had to wash her truck down with bleach water because it had something on it. So they were washing the door handles, gearshift and all that kind of stuff.

Now we are home, the little kids are in bed and me and my oldest are staying up to see the 4 new shows of Gilmore Girls. I am starting to think this may not have been such a good idea. I agreed to this because I thought it would be on at midnight. Well it is on at midnight but not until midnight pacific time not our time. That means 3 am here. Then it is 4 shows that are 90 minutes long. I will not be in bed until after day light. The two little ones will have a full nights sleep on me. We still have another hour before it even starts. At midnight we started watching the last 6 shows of the last seasons. The dogs are ass-wholes if I haven’t said it before they just shit in the floor, didn’t ask to go out or anything just shit. I don’t know what has gotten into them lately.

{November 24, 2016}   Happy Thanksgiving Everyone

thanksgiving2012I just wanted to pop in and say that I hope everyone has a Happy Thanksgiving and that you all get to enjoy it with family and/or friends. We will be going out to eat this year with my mom, sister and her family and Father of The Year. Not my idea but theirs. Father of The Year has no money but he is paying for him and all the kids. I figure he isn’t giving me money then let him if he don’t he is just going to blow it. Kids may as well get something out of it if he isn’t going to help like he is supposed to. I am not worried about it I have faith it will work out and me and the kids will be fine. I have been able to work it out in the past and I am sure I will now. I still just have this peace that this is where we are supposed to be for a while and that it will work out. I get stressed or depressed here and there but then I just keep pushing on. Because I know……


I am thankful for my kids, I love them so much and wold be lost without them. Even the one sitting beside me complaining and about to lose it because they will not stop talking in the middle of the parade and just show the parade instead. Because he is missing some of the floats and balloons. He says they are skipping the floats and only showing the balloons. And the one who is laying on the couch with his hand down his pants. Excuse me for a minute, I had to make him stop and go wash his hands. Got to love six year old little boys. (Just keeping it real, this is what is going on around me while I type this.)

I am also thankful for my friends. If it wasn’t for my one friend I wouldn’t have all this stuff out here so that it can be seen and sold. I wouldn’t have a babysitter that will watch the kids if I can find a job and not charge me a ton of money. I buy her a pack of smokes a day she is happy. Plus I help her out with things as well.

I am thankful for my family that I have left even though we aren’t as close as we once were. They are still my family and we still have our good times even if they are few and farther between.

thankgul-for-youAll of you who have followed my blog or who just read and the ones who comment and like different post. It helps to be able to come here and get things out and have in put from others on things. My blog isn’t as active or where I would like it to be for as long as I have had it, but it is okay. I am happy with it considering the time I have had to put into it and the breaks I have had to take at times. I love my group of followers and their support. Some of you have stuck around from the be-gaining and new people are coming every week and I am thrilled to have all of you.

I will let you all go and enjoy your day and leave you with this one last little picture because you can’t have Thanksgiving without the Peanuts.  thanksgiving

Edited to add I found all the little pictures in random places online none of them are mine I do not make them or own them.

et cetera
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