I am starting to think that I maybe Bipolar and when my friend stayed with me the couple days she ask if the counselor had said anything about it. I had kind of thought maybe I was for a little while now and after learning more about depression, anxiety, mood disorders and the likes.

I notice I will be fine one minute and then pissed off the next. Not just mad but ready to fight mad. Sometimes over simple little things other times over bigger things. I wonder sometimes why am I so mad about whatever it is because it didn’t bother me that much before, it isn’t that big of a deal or it isn’t a surprise it was expected.

I kind of felt bad tonight me and my Big Girl went to the store for laundry soap. I had coupons for those pod things buy one get one. I am low on funds so I figured I would give them a try. I could only use one coupon so I gave her one to use as well and some cash to pay with. We go to the counter I paid for mine and they rung hers up. She didn’t have the coupon, I was so mad I ask her where she lost it what she did with it and she swear she never had it I never gave it to her. I swear I seen her walking around with it and with it in the truck. I had to put the stuff back because I didn’t want to pay twice as much for it. We got home I found an extra coupon we had and went back to the store. Tonight I find the other coupon laying on my table with my stuff I don’t know if I laid it down there and really didn’t give it to her, if I had her holding the one I was going to use and just thought I gave her the other one or what. But how mad and how fast I got that way I felt bad for later and even worse when I found the coupon laying here.

The other night we were all laughing and carrying on despite getting broke down and it being so late and having to go to the store and do dinner. As soon as my friend text and said she had been to my house after I told her to wait and they had gotten the stuff I was so mad I wanted to fight. When they got back I was wanting her to say something and start just to let her have it and tell her what I thought and how I felt about it all and the way she does. When they finally left it took me a little bit to finally calm down and get back to laughing and carrying on with the rest of them. Then when she called me a few hours later and wanted to know if I was mad and why and saying she didn’t understand why I was instant ready to fight again, she knew I was mad when she was here and she knew I was on the phone when she called to ask and didn’t say anything and then hung up. I felt like she knew I was pissed when she was here and didn’t say anything and then called later to just start again and piss me off again.

Before I would just blow it off, let it slide, not say anything to keep the peace and not fight. Now it is first thing I jump to is fight. It don’t have to be a knock down drag out fight but even just a heated argument. Although if it turned into a knock down drag out fight that wouldn’t bother me any either and I have never been that way. It took a lot to get my to the point I was ready to physically fight. Not now more I rather just go out at.

My friend says that is how she is when she isn’t on her medications. Someone does something simple she is the same way. She said she thinks they need to add another medication to what I am taking. The therapist did say she wanted to work on stabilizing my moods a little more. I am not sure what all she meant by that.

I am thinking that if it don’t work itself out in the next few weeks on this medication I may ask them about it. I have been on this one for about two weeks. I missed my pill last night but took it a about an hour ago. I am starting to feel it and feel tired right now. I really want to go to church in the morning but I don’t know if I really have gas and money to run all the way up there. It is supposed to be super cold tomorrow and my Little Guy went to bed super early and said he didn’t feel good after only eating a little bite. I am going to try and call them and see what they say and see what I can do to help them.


2 thoughts on “Bipolar

  1. I’m stuck between hoping you don’t have it and hoping you get help for it. If that makes sense. I know before I was diagnosed I was so angry. I’d throw tantrums and was a mess. I’m glad I got diagnosed but hate to have a label. I don’t wish it on anybody but if you have bipolar a mood stabilizer can be a life saver. Best wishes I’ll be praying for you

    1. I know what you mean, I think I will probably talk to the counselor about it when I go in. But she can’t prescribe medications. I don’t know if it will do any good to or not. I hate taking medications all the time. I guess it is just something I am going to have to suck up and do if it is what I need.

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