I am so tired of talking to my mom, every time I talk to her all she talks about is what we are all going to do. Tonight we got into it because she started talking about it again. How I shouldn’t have paid my rent I should have came over there and I would have that money to pay bills and buy Christmas with. How if we don’t get together and do this and make a plan then we are never going to get out of here. I finally had enough and told her that they didn’t have to pay theirs and she could have come over here just as easy. She said well you said you didn’t want Father of the Year over there so where is he going to go? I said I don’t know not my problem. Then it was well my landlord would throw us all out if they found out and hers is never there. I said mine is never here either and that my rent is cheaper and I have more space. Then she says what are you doing to do when they raise your rent? What are you going to do if they don’t rent it to you again. I said there is no reason for them not to and what are you going to do when they raise yours again. She just kept on. I said well I am not going to be moving over there everyone is miserable there and we can’t have anything. She wants us to come there because she don’t like my dogs so they would have to go. I would have to get rid of my fish tanks and my oldest would have to get rid of her birds. She would rule everything and have any and all say and there would not be a day without fighting because I won’t just sit and keep my mouth shut. They lost pets last time because she lied her ass off told them they could have them and when we got there she refused to let them take them off the porch they couldn’t live on the porch and it was getting cold. I had to give them to someone that could get them in and take care of them so they didn’t die. I was so mad they were the kids birthday gift they just got about a month before.

She started about well we have to come up with a plan and we have to figure something out because we are not going to have money to pay rent here and money to pay rent there too. Kept going on and on about what are you going to do and you have to do something. I said I don’t know I have to figure something out for us. What do you mean by that? I said I will have to figure out how to pay our rent and get it taken care of. She started about how was I going to do that? I had tried everything this time even selling my blood like it was such a horrible thing. I don’t feel there is anything wrong with selling plasma there is no where around where you can just donate it, they are the only place that take it and they pay. Blood donation isn’t the same thing and I guess she to stupid to know that or something because blood you do not get paid for I have given blood before but can’t anymore. She has never given anything in her life but then telling me how it all is. Then she keeps telling me how we shouldn’t have gotten divorced yet and now we can’t file taxes together and he can’t claim the kids because they don’t live with him blah blah bullshit she don’t know about again. Normally you can’t claim them if they didn’t live with you but he has a court order saying he can claim them. But like I told him he technically can’t claim them because he hasn’t even paid support for them other than for like two months.

I received a few checks in January but not a lot because of being sick. I don’t know if I will be able to file and get anything at all back even with claiming the two kids. I have to go to the Social Security office tomorrow because when I told them that I was getting support from Father of the Year they lowered his check by around $100. I thought when I reported that I wasn’t getting it anymore they would be told and fix it but they didn’t. I have to go there tomorrow and see what I have to do to get that money back. If I get that back then I will be only $100 short of my rent money Jan and February. I do not want to lose my place over a couple hundred dollars.

I am going to go to the place I went before and see if I can get help with lights and water. I have only ever gotten help once in the past with my lights and that was years ago. I hope that they will help me this time to get them paid up then I will be able to hold things over until I get my money in February probably. Then I am paying my rent up for at least 3 months. Then pay it each month as the monthly check comes so that it stays paid up.

They are coming to get my couch Friday evening. I owe two weeks on it now. I told them give me until last Friday I would see if I could get it for them. I thought I was going to have it. Then everything fell through. I went in Friday and told him I didn’t have it I was going to have to turn it in for a while. He said ok but he couldn’t do anything until Monday to get back in contact with him. Today I stopped in and talked to him and he said he can’t come get it until Friday now. I told him ok after 4 would be fine. I didn’t see anything in the book I think he is just buying me time but I just don’t have it right now and need to save all I can to take care of rent the first. Because I am not losing my place over two out of eight hundred dollars. I can also pawn something to maybe get it come the first because then I know i have money coming the next month to get it back because all I have to pawn is the things my dad left me and I am not going to lose them. I will work it out. I have a friend that is selling his truck and they said if they did they could give me what I needed to hold me over until I get my money in February.

I am trying to keep the faith, although I have done it so far it isn’t easy and then hearing from her all the time about what “WE” are going to do just makes me mad more than anything. There is no “WE” I still find it funny that they are two grown adults and they can’t figure out how to pay their bills and then want to try and push or bully me into giving up my place and all our things to come pay their bills so they don’t lose their place.

I am also going to go to the housing place and see if there is anyway I can get any kind of help through them. I hate going these places and asking for help. But like I said before I am desperate and not moving in with them. At this point the way I feel is I am going in there I tell them the truth about everything, they can either turn me down or help me. I am not twisting the truth or skirting it to try and get them to help me. I know so many people around here who do it and get everything taken care of for them. If I am telling the truth about everything and there is help there then I may as well take it. That is what it is there for people who like myself have hit a ruff patch.

I love how she tries to make it sound like she is worried about me and the kids and what is going to happen to us. But then she isn’t willing to give her place up and move in over here. She says because Father of the Year can’t come. That don’t make a difference where ever he is staying it is up to him to pay me. It isn’t like he pays the bills when he was here. He would pay enough to keep them from going off when we got the final notice but that is it. She says he isn’t going to be homeless and still pay you if he can’t afford to pay for a place to stay. Well I can’t help that he has had chances to make money all these weeks he could have been paying me half the weeks or more he has missed. But he hasn’t so why would I care if he was homeless and still had to pay. He don’t care that we need things. He don’t care that we may lose our place. Why should I let him come back here and take care of him the way he treats all of us and does. But I am wrong for thinking he needs to grow up and find his own place and help take care of his kids. They act like he gives me so much and I just blow it. What he gives me hardly pays for the things they need for school and stuff like that.

Like me and my sister were talking about, what he pays is based on what he makes, what I make, how many nights they are with me and how many nights they stay at his house. He was making $16 an hour and his support was figured at $8 an hour, and it was based on them spending the night with him from Friday night until Monday morning and he has never ever had them for even one night much less the weekend. So if he wants to keep fucking around and playing games I will take him back and tell them he has not paid in months now and that he has never ever even once taken them for the night. He also don’t get them one day a week like he is supposed to. Most the time he don’t even have his phone on we can’t get a hold of him for days at a time, sometimes a week. If something was to happen we couldn’t get a hold of him. Like I told him last night or the night before when he said something about us not telling him something. We had told him I told him and one of the kids told him right here standing in my house. He ignored us both and went on talking about something else like we never said anything he was looking right at me. I told him the other night that we can’t get a hold of him when we call and that I refuse to call someone else to get a hold of him because he don’t answer his phone or text. That from now on he will find out when ever he comes around or calls. He started well this and that and giving excuses why. Like I told him I don’t care what his excuses are and that they are very lame.

I guess we will see what happens. They don’t have their rent now and he just started a job today and already talking about not going back to it and going to another one he got but can’t start for a few weeks. At the one he is at he would get three checks he would probably be able to pay their rent. But if he changes jobs he probably won’t get checks until after the first. The lady over their house is looking to get them out because she don’t like shit she has done and went over her head to the owner about things.



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