{January 31, 2017}   A Day at School

I had therapy today I was surprised when I got the reminder call yesterday because I normally only go every two weeks, but I figured maybe because I had moved to a new therapist or something so I just went. I had’t answered the phone either and just checked the message later. I figured it be good and get me out of the house anyway because I am just kind of in limbo how I feel right now, some days are ok others aren’t this week with the accident and coming up on the anniversary of losing my dad. They were going to set me up to come in next week I asked for something two weeks out this time and they said ok. I noticed after I left that is the week I was hoping to work and make a little money so I may call and make it for next week then start back to two weeks out from there. It put me back on the rotation I have been on. Who knows I have to decide. I already have to go to school before I can work two days and can’t work Tuesday because of stuff at the kids school.

I took the little kids to school then took the older kids to school and went into talk to them about the two events coming up and the help they needed. The other parent that is there helping a lot of the times was there talking with the principle Mrs. D. I hung out talked to them and piddled around for an hour and half before I had to go to my appointment, then after I stopped grabbed something to drink and eat and went back. The kids got out at 3 and we didn’t leave until 4. We were talking and things then about the time I was going to leave the other parent’s kid had a math thing she was trying to figure out we sat there trying to figure it out and show her how to do it.

It was nice just hanging out and goofing off with them and getting out of the house. It drives me crazy I jst want to go in there and organzie everything seems like such a cluttered mess and tons of crap that is never used. But the school is changing hands and changing names this Summer and a lot of stuff is going to be leaving once the owner is informed. She will have to come and get her stuff or send someone to get it and pack it up for her. She is across the country and just calls to find out if checks have come in and how soon they are going to be put in the bank and that is it. She isn’t bothering to get help or supply the things that are needed to really do what needs to be done.

Mrs. D has started the process of setting everything up to open her own school and just going to change all the kids over to the new school and enroll everyone this Summer. This way she has the budget and the money and can hire extra help and things that need to be done. She can get things up to standards better than what they are now too. She is putting together a board to over see things and to be accountable to and help decide how things should be done. She was talking today that a group of us that are going to be the board and things need to get together and have a meeting and go over everything that is going on and needs to go on and things like that. I am not sure if that was directed at me or the other parent or what it seemed as if she was talking to both of us but I don’t know. I am not sure who she is thinking will be on this board if they want so many parents on it. Not sure what she is doing or where she is going with that. I wouldn’t mind doing it if she wants. I am going to talk to her some more about it another time or when it comes up again. The student came in and needed help and we went back to help her, we didn’t finish talking about it really.

Over all it was a good day. My money zeroed out at the school so it should be in my bank anytime now. I have been waiting all day for it and it hasn’t come in yet. It zeroed out last night and this morning and all of it did not just part of it so I should be getting all of it. I always get it with in 24 hours of it going to zero so I hope by morning it will be there. Normally it is just a few hours. I was hoping it would be in by this evening I was going to take the kids to dinner but it wasn’t. We still went and got pizza with the little bit of money I do have since I know that it will be there by Friday. I have until then to pay the rent.

Oh and the kids are back to wanting guinea pigs again instead of anything else. They been telling me everything they need for them and what all they want to buy for them. I think they would make better pets than the crabs turned out to be. I can not see how anyone can get so excited over the crabs who bury theirself and you don’t see them for months at a time. I like the fiddler crabs but at least them you can put in a fish tank if you have dry area for them to get into. So you can see them more and things. I just have to figure out what kind of cage to get for the pigs so they have the room they need but the dogs can’t get into. Biggest worry.

{January 30, 2017}   13 Years Ago

At this time I was laying in the hospital in labor with my oldest. My water hadn’t broke but it started leaking about dinner time the evening before. I waited awhile before I told anyone and called the midwife. We got to the hospital around 10 pm. The midwife told me on the phone not to expect to stay it was probably not my water. She said bring a bag in case but not to plan to stay. She also told me I couldn’t go to the hospital I wanted to go to like the others had told me I could. She wasn’t to friendly at all when I called and I wasn’t happy to hear she was the one on call when I called in. I took a shower and went over there. They got me in the room, checked me and did some little test. It was my water leaking. Since it was leaking she said I had to stay but I wasn’t really dilated yet. She said we had to hook me up to poticen to get labor started since my water had been broke for all those hours before I came in. I said it was just leaking a little not broke but she said it didn’t matter hospital rules. At the time I really didn’t care to much I just wanted to have this baby and have it over with. She was due in two days and I was ready for her to have been here a week or two before. She wasn’t due until Feb the 2nd and She dropped really low December the 8 th. I was huge and miserable as well. I had went from 108 pounds to 148 pounds. I had never been anywhere near that big in my life. If they were going to make her get out lets do it. I been begging them to do it before now they wouldn’t. I din’t know a lot of things I know now that I knew then or things would not have went the way they did.

They hooked me to the pit and waited for something to happen and it didn’t. They decided they needed to up it every half hour until contractions started. They never really did start good until about 230 am when all of a sudden my water broke. From then on the contractions started and they started hitting hard. Not only that but I started to shake and feel sick after a little bit, I puked up everything I had eaten that day and then some it felt like. After that I still couldn’t stop shaking, I looked like I was having convolutions or something. I was having some contractions but nothing major and not close together really so it wasn’t from that. I really wasn’t in pain just shaking. I asked to talk to the midwife they told me she be in. I asked a few times she never came in. I told them finally I wanted an epidural so they said that she would be in to check me before they gave it because they don’t like to give it to soon but can’t give it to far along either. She never came in, I asked for her again and was told she decided to wait until they put it in to check me so it wouldn’t hurt as bad. I wanted to talk to her before I got it but could not get her in there. I finally just got it without talking to her. They came in to do it and told Father of the Year he had to leave until they were done. I wasn’t happy about that but if that what it took to get it see yeah later. I just wanted to stop shaking. The nurse gave me a pillow and told me to hold it in front of me and bend around it into a ball arching my back and not to move. They said they couldn’t put it in if I was moving. They said they wanted to do it during a contraction it wouldn’t hurt as bad. Fuck that how am I supposed to not move during a contraction? They guy doing it got a little angry with my for moving but the nurse who was with me then was great she said something to him about the way he was acting and because he was getting mad he wanted to get it done and get out of there. It wasn’t even like he been there long or tried a million times and I was just not doing what he was asking. I moved twice and that was because of the contraction. He finally done it between them and it hurt it hurt like hell. But it was in and now I would get some relief from the shaking.

Or so I thought I would get relief from the shaking it didn’t go away and to make matters worse I started itching. Not just a little itch here or there I was itching all over my back and chest. I was scratching like crazy telling Father of the Year to scratch my back and everything. He kept saying he was and it just felt like he was rubbing it not scratching it. I asked them and they said oh no it was normal it was just a reaction but they didn’t have to take it out. I guess he put it in the wrong spot as well because I was numb from about my breast down. Right after they put it in and I got back to my room or they left my room not sure if I left or they came to me but either way I was in my room everyone was gone. In a minute the nurse comes in and starts looking at the print out of the contractions and watching the machine and I could tell something wasn’t right. She said that my contractions were coming on top of each other one after the other they just kept peaking but not dropping. By now I wasn’t feeling anything. They turned the pit down and sat there with me for a little bit and they finally went back to normal. I felt like I had to go to the bathroom every 5 minutes and all I could do now was use the bed pan. They dropped me off of it and almost into the floor because they didn’t have a hold of me good and let go after they got me lifted off the bed and I couldn’t feel my legs or do anything for my self. I hated the feeling from it and wished I had not gotten it because I was still shaking and it just made me itch and maid things worse.

The midwife finally came in at 6.30 told me that I was around 3 cm I wouldn’t have the baby before lunch at least maybe longer. She said they needed to put a catheter in because I wasn’t draining my balder and it was slowing labor. I didn’t want it but she said I needed it blah blah c section blah blah. I said ok fine and let them do it. After she did that and told me a few other things she left my room. In 30 minutes I told Father of the Year I needed to push. He just looked at me, I called for the nurse and she came in I told her I needed to push. She said oh you aren’t that far you were just at 3 a little bit ago you probably just feel like that because of the catheter. I said no I am ready to push where is the midwife? She said oh she left already and the other one isn’t here yet let me check you. She checked me and said oh your right she is right there stop pushing and just wait the other midwife will be here in a little bit and went on getting the room ready and just walking around like nothing. I said um no I have to push she kept saying just breath through it just breath through it. I told her I couldn’t and this went on for about 20 minutes me wanting me to not push. I tried not to but it got bad I told Father of the Year I was pushing he better get over there to catch the baby. He looked at me and kind of chuckled. I said I am not joking I mean it I am pushing now you better get over there. Then he looked horrified and about that time the other midwife came in. I pushed some but by that point with trying not to push and breathing through them and things I lost the urge to push. Then the heart rate dropped and they called for the doctor to be called then in a minute her heart rate dropped again and they yelled that the doctor was to already be called why wasn’t he. He came in he told me I wasn’t pushing right and all this bullshit after they told me not to for so long. The midwife cut me then he cut me again there was still problems. They kept trying the vacuum it kept coming off her head. It was such a horrible delivery I was so tired and felt so bad because of the way the doctor and was treating me and everyone rushing around. I had a really hard time bonding with my baby after all that and everything. It was months and months before I really felt a bond with her.

I finally had her at 756 am just 5 hours after my water broke She was 6 lbs 4 oz and 19 inches long. She was tiny she wore preemie clothes for the first few months. By 4 months old she was 20 lbs and wearing year old clothes.

Today she is a tall, gorgeous, funny and wicked smart 13 year old. I can not believe all that we have been through together in 13 years. In ways it seems like she shouldn’t be this old yet and then thinking about everything it seems like she should be older. Really she is much older and smarter than 13 but she is a really good kid over all.

I hope she had a great day and I can’t wait to surprise her with a party or something.

{January 30, 2017}   A Trip To Disney

Me and the kids were talking about it today and we are going to see how much one day tickets to Disney would be. I know they have three day passes for $140 right now but that is more than I have to spend. I don’t have money for one day tickets really either but we talked about it and all the kids even Mr. 6 and Little Bitty agreed that if they had enough or close to enough they would pay for their tickets out with their money instead of buying a guinea pig. They said they would start over saving for them and get them next time if they could go to Disney.

I feel bad because my oldest wants to go to a big Country music weekend they are having for her birthday but it is close to $200 a ticket, then we have to have a room for three nights, food all day for three days and gas. It would cost as more for me and her to go there than it would for us all to go to Disney even with me paying for her ticket since she hasn’t gotten any money saved. She was upset and cried earlier when we were talking about it but I just explained to her that I can’t spend all that money on a weekend for just me and her and do nothing for the rest of the kids and that I don’t spend that kind of money on birthdays on the rest I can’t really for her and not the others. Little Bitty’s birthday is in April I have to do something for it as well. I am trying to plan a sleepover for my oldest with two of her best friends but I don’t know if that will work or not because they are so busy with things for school and then things they are in other than school. I really hate it because it seems like the last few years her birthday has been a mess, my dad being sick and passing then last year I didn’t have money and we did it late again. I had planed for this years was going to do something with her and her friends then Father of the Year is doing the way he is over money and I don’t have it to do right now. I am praying that what everyone is saying on line is true and we get our money Thursday this week and not the 13. If it comes anytime this week I will be so happy I will be able to do something for her and get my truck fixed. It won’t be late really since we do them the weekend after or before their birthday most the time. I will just do cake and things with family then surprise her with the party. I was trying already to set it up the weekend of the 17 but I haven’t heard back from anyone yet. If I get my money this week I can give an option of a couple weekends and hope one works.

I hate it she don’t talk to more people and things like that and that she don’t have more friend but she has made a lot of new friends at school and seems happy. The only thing is they are all mostly older than her and they are all guys. There are only the her and the one other girl in her class. So that kind of puts a damper on things like sleepovers.

I would love to do this trip to Disney with the kids my older two have been a few times the little two never have. I think it would be nice for me and the kids to just get a way and do something fun together. We had fun when we took our trip to the light house, aquarium and things a couple years ago. This past year we have not done anything. I use to take them to one of the theme parks or get them something nice that they normally wouldn’t get every year for a while. Then things happen with me and father of the year and I am lucky to have money to do anything for them hardly. It’s been tight the last few years I want to do something for them nice even if they are helping pay for their tickets. Just getting to go and spend the time together will be great.

I plan to work the week of Valentines day and Mothers day to make some extra money. I hope that he will be paying his part and that will be money to go into savings. I also budgeted for $50 a month to go into savings for us to use to do things we want or something we want. Even if it is something as simple as going out to eat one night or to a move we have $50 a month there to do it with. They like to do other little things that don’t cost as much either so we may get to do a few things some months depending on what we do. Whatever is left we will just roll over to the following month. I think I will take a few months and put toward out Disney trip for them to have a little spending money. Maybe like half from each month for a few months so that we will still have a little there to do something that month as well. If I work those two weeks and I make as much as I did when I worked the two days a few years ago I should do really good. I made right at $300 for two days. You can work the week before for both of them most the time as well. I figure I will work Monday and Wednesday from the time I get out of school until I have to pick the little kids up from daycare at 6. The other three days I will go straight there after I drop the older two at school and work until I have to pick the little kids up. I can pick the older kids up and take them with me when they get out. If they really want to and I have a phone for the house by then they may even just stay home. It will just depend on where I have to work and things like that. But if I can make that much in a few days I didn’t even work as long as I could have then I should make decent. I could make close to $900 in a week. Take off maybe $200 for gas probably not even is still really good. I am also going to take my computer with me so I can jump on line punch in all my delivers and map out a route so that I know right where I am going and go in order so I am not driving around in circles or backtracking like I did last time. I wish I could find somewhere that I could just deliver local for that I could to it everyday. It would give me the little extra that I need and work with the kids and school. Because most of it would be done why they are in school and if I had to I can take the older ones with me. I am going to start looking and see what I can find.

{January 29, 2017}   Another Long Night

Dealing with Father Of The Year, he calls and ask if he can come see the kids while I was making dinner. I started to tell him now but I figured they could see him and I could get my school work done. Wrong they fought and carried on running around and he just sat and watched them as if nothing was going on. I was down the hall with my door closed in my room and could hear them like they were next to me. I finally went out there about 10 and told them that it was time for bed. They were fighting cranky and whiny. They weren’t seeing him they were raising hell he wasn’t trying to do anything with them so bedtime. They all got their blankets and pillows and laid on the rug in the living room. They slept out there all last weekend too. The two boys and Little Bitty. My oldest is to old for that she wouldn’t be caught dead camping out with her younger siblings in the living room are you kidding. I went back to my room to try and work on my work some more he followed me in here and was asking me something I answered him and said something about going home. He just stood there looking at me stupid and went on.

In a little bit I was out there or he came back in here and I said something again about it he said he told them at home something about staying here for the night so he just do that. I said no there is no need for it we had this talk already long time ago you can go home. I was going to “help” you around the house he says. I said um no your not it’s late I have to do my homework no one ask you for help it’s time to go home. He started I said no problem just go. He sat around with the kids then until they fell a sleep and then laid on the love seat as much as he can I can’t even lay on it really he is taller than me by far. I went out there said something. He said he didn’t see nothing wrong with it or something by now it is after 2 I have been telling him to go home. He ignore me and walk off or whatever. I came back to my room and laid down and text him ask him why he wasn’t leaving told him I wanted to go to bed and needed to lock up and things. He just ignored me then told me he was waiting on the kids to go to sleep and things why he didn’t leave. I said well it has been hours since they went to sleep so that isn’t’ why. He said he wanted to be with the kids and spend time with the kids blah blah. I said well you seen them they are a sleep no need for you to be here now. He just wanted to stay the night with them. I said oh no if you want to stay the night with them then you pick them up take them home they spend the night with you. If you are not picking them up taking them home and them staying at your house with you then you are not spending the night with them.

I just decided short of calling the police to make him leave he was going to just keep on. I do not want to call the police over such shit. I kept asking him why he couldn’t go home he ignore me but at the same time said over and over he wanted to go home. Well if you want to then go. I even told him that if he told her he wasn’t coming home and couldn’t or whatever now not my problem that he should have made arrangements for somewhere to stay or something not just come over say he wanted to see the kids flop down and refuse to leave. He said something about sleeping in his truck I told him he wasn’t doing that in my yard either. I told him if he rather sleep in his truck than go home that was fine with me Wal Mart was good about letting people sleep in their parking lot in their cars have at it.

He kept saying I am trying to sleep. I said well I want answers and to know what the hell you are doing and why the hell you won’t leave? He kept saying I was being nasty he didn’t need to answer me. I said well what else am I supposed to be and what is anyone going to be when someone comes in their house sits down and refuses to leave or tell them anything? Go to someone else house and try it and tell me how it works for you because I bet they aren’t going to be as nice as I have been. Finally about 4 am he gets pissed off says he can’t sleep I won’t leave him alone he is leaving. I said bye got up locked the door went back to bed. He then started texting me again. Started about this is so one sided he does and does and then this is the way I do him.

I said excuse me one sided and your getting the short end of the deal? How the hell do you figure? I said one sided you have never once in 6 months taken these kids out of the house to go anywhere other than to run to the store a minute when you come over, you have never once kept them for the weekend like your supposed to, taken them during the week when you can and supposed to, come and see them when you can fit it in and you feel like it, your child support is figured on how many over nights they stay with you but that has never happened, it is figured on half of what you really make an hour, you pay it if and when you feel like it and when it works for you, you don’t have other people to pay back your own bills to pay or you just don’t feel like paying it, they can do without everything comes first. I let you come to my house and see them for them not you, I set rules on when you come and see them you can’t just walk in and out of my house anytime you please and stay as long as you want or stay the night. I said you just can’t stand it because you have no control anymore. You can’t keep me from going somewhere doing things or having you here. I have been more than responsible up to this point even though it has been very one sided and that is all about to change because I am not and will not be done this way like I was again tonight. Then his ton changed he didn’t say anything much at all after that. I said and from now on you can be here before 4 or not come and you need to leave by 4. You still have to see if we are going to be home it is a good time and day and let me know ahead of time. I said you can say it isn’t right or one sided all you want and that I am punishing the kids by making you ad hear to a few rules that is fine. But I am sure if it goes back to court and I bring all this up to the judge and how this is how it has been for 6 months he is not going to feel that you are getting the raw side of the deal. He really didn’t have anything to say after that. He just said he was trying to get comfortable in his truck and sleep and it was a little cold. I said oh well to bad you have a house and bed your paying bills on instead of making sure your kids have what they need if you want to sleep in your truck that is all on you I feel nothing for you over it. Then I passed out I was tired I had taken a whole one of my pills and it was really starting to kick in. I woke up with my phone under the bed.

I am still just blown away how he thinks that he does nothing but what he wants when he wants and never do I have a free moment he don’t take the kids or pay a sitter when he is supposed to or nothing but then the nerve and the balls to tell me this is a one sided deal. Where the fuck does he get off saying something like that? He must not know what one sided means or something. I told him I have it all documented that he isn’t doing what he says and that when he tells the judge all these reasons that are nothing more than excuses that the judge is going to tell him just that its excuses not valued reasons.

My friend called and was talking to me earlier she talked for a little while and that is odd, she never calls and talks very long in the day time. She called me two or three times the third time she talked for a while. Then she gets around to telling me how her son up north got arrested yesterday.

She tells me how her other son and his wife took off work and went to the court hearing I guess the way she talked. She said when he was brought in and seen them there he just hung his head and looked at the floor. Once it was over they got his car and they left. Well I guess the brother not in jail broke down in the parking lot after they got home or on the way. She tells me she broke down and was all hysterical when she found out.

This is not surprise, they knew it was coming and it isn’t like he is looking at a great amount of time maybe 6 months I think. Less than a year. He got caught drinking a driving, he didn’t pay all that he was supposed to pay and he didn’t do the classes and things he was supposed to do. He just ignored it all like it was going to go away I guess. She was up there for Christmas and New Years and he was supposed to pay it by now and didn’t. I am guessing he turned himself in because they issued a warrant. It isn’t like he don’t have the money for it and couldn’t do it. He works everyday and makes good money. Until not long ago he was living with his brother and his family and wasn’t paying them either, and he is behind on his car payment they were looking for it to take it and they lied said they didn’t know who he was or where he lived. I told her that shit don’t work because they can find out and they are not stupid that is why they keep coming back there. Even though he may not live there they know he is related to them and they know where he is. He has a drug problem I knew this for a while when she was telling me how he works all the time isn’t paying anything never has no money and the people he is running around with. I didn’t say anything he had one in the past they all have I figured she knew. Well I am sure she knew she was just in denial. She called me up about 8 months ago and told me he did and something that happen maybe that was when he got arrested for driving under the influence. I said I know, she said how did you know? I said because nothing adds up he works every day and never has any money and never pays anyone, he has had one in the past and he don’t have a girl or anything he is spending it on. It isn’t hard to figure out. She was like yeah your right and I should have known but I didn’t I didn’t think it was that but whatever she went on. Then why she was up there he took her to a friends house she found out he was there buying drugs why he had her with him. She freaked out because she was scared they were going to get caught. He made  deal with her and his dad he was going to pay his fines do the things he needed to do and get all this taken care of. He didn’t so he went to jail.

The brother and wife get home or where every they were going and the brother is all a mess and the mother is down here all a mess the wife decides that she is going to go a bail him out so those two will calm down and be happy. I also think she had other motives for doing it but this is what she told my friend and her son she was only doing it for him and her not the one in jail. I think she done it because she is getting her pills from him or he is getting them for her because she has a problem of her own that she is trying to hide. She is always calling my friend anytime she is in town asking for her pills or when she goes up there tells her to make sure she brings them. She complains about what the brother does but she is doing the same thing.

She tells me that once he was finally released her son calls all pissed off and says that he never even said thank you when he got out, nothing at all. He went home and him and his girlfriend went to eat and things. But they had no money at all left to get him out they put in all they had and was broke until payday. But as soon as he gets out they are going out for a night on the town. I said and your both surprised by this why? She said because that is his brother and his wife they got him out of jail used their bill money and this is the thanks they get. I said sure it is because it was expected that he would get him out, he knew he wasn’t going to stay there he knew he didn’t have to ask he knew that he would not leave him there and would do whatever he had to do get him out. She said yeah your right he knows his brother will do anything for him.

Just like when he was living there and not paying his brother complained and complained to my friend but he wouldn’t tell him you have to pay or you have to get out. He has a family to take care of while he has no one but himself and if he decides to pay child support. But his brother wouldn’t do it because he was so worried he would stop speaking to him and have nothing to do with him. He didn’t’ want to lose his brother.

She then told me that her husband told the other brother that got him out that he would help him and give him the money he spent to get him out back! I said what why would you do that so now not only is your son enabling him but you all are as well. You are helping your son enable him then your going to be all upset when something happens and when he don’t grow up and handle his stuff his-self and do what he needs to. Why would he when you all sweep it up and pick up the pieces for him and he has to do nothing but go to work collect his pay check and go out and have a good time. She says I know but this and that. I said look he is a big boy he decided to do this so now he needs to man up and handle the outcome like it or not. Why should you or your son take away from your family and bill money and do without to fix his screw ups and he sure don’t care that you are or he wouldn’t keep doing it.

Then she tells me that her bank is over drafted by $1000 and that they had to sell some stuff the other day to put gas in the car and buy a loaf of bread. How she only has a few things in the fridge and she is running out of that and ways to cook it. I said my point and now your going to do without more so that you can give them $400 and some dollars to because they got him out of jail and he isn’t bothering to pay them back when he just had a check Yesterday and he will get another one next Friday? He lives with his girlfriend and her mom who have money so they are not going to be doing without and they aren’t because they are already out for a night on the town as soon as he got out. But you can’t go buy basics that you need for your house to eat. I said it isn’t like he lost his job or got sick and missed work he is sitting there with kids that need to eat and he can’t buy them food and the things they need and needs a little help. He did things and he is still doing things that are against the law and got in trouble. He knew what would or could happen he chose to still do them then he needs to stand up be a man and take care of them not expect all of you too.

She says yeah but it’s so hard and you say this stuff. I said and I am not just saying this and don’t know or haven’t been there, I said I left my dad in jail when my oldest was just a few weeks old because he got arrested for drinking and driving. I couldn’t get him out and I was not taking money I needed for diapers and things to get him out he sat there for about two months before he got out. She said really you did that with your dad. I said yes because I did not have it the only one who could get him out was my mom and he had made her mad just before he went in so she refused to help or do anything. I couldn’t use what I had because I had no way to get anymore and I needed it for bills and the baby. No not my kid but just about the same, she knows how close me and my dad are and that we always helped each other out when we could and found a way if we couldn’t. I could have called my grandpa but he was sick and going through treatment so I wasn’t going to bother him and upset him and get him to go out and deal with the hassle of trying to get him out from the other side of the state or where ever he was at that time. I know my dad wouldn’t not have wanted me to bother him either.

Like I told her my dad told me and my brother he would get us out one time and one time only so we better make sure that was the one time we wanted him to get us out. After that sit your butt down get comfy because your going to be sitting if you don’t find someone else to get you out. There is not putting money in your account and things like that either. You are there you have free room and board, three meals a day, shower, tv and all that you need. You have no need for money. May not be the best of the best or that great to eat but hey you got yourself there you do what you have to do so that you get out and don’t end up back there again. Your not on vacation.

I don’t feel bad for her not having anything right now either because her husband works and makes good money. He works 16 hour days 6 to 7 days a week. He is supposed to have a week off but works half that week or more most the time as well. They should not be behind on their bills, have nothing in the house and have their bank $1000 in the negative.  They took that trip knowing they were behind on rent and things already. Then he came back and didn’t work for a week or more because he was “sick” I do not know anyone who gets as sick as they do as often as they do when she never leaves the house and he hardly goes to work. He has missed so much work they told him he had better come in with a doctors note and that if he missed anymore he would probably lose his job. With in a day or two of going back he missed a day because he couldn’t SLEEP. I said are you kidding me he already was told not to miss anymore and that is what he called and told them. Then was mad they wrote him up. I told her she is lucky that is all they done because they could have gotten rid of him very easily. I don’t know anyone that misses work as much as he misses. RC told me when I first met them and before we became friends that he had a problem with coming to work. Then another friend of mine, my good friend told me the same thing, he don’t come to work half the time and things. When father of the year got him that job at the shop when he was driving tow trucks he missed a ton of work there and then got mad they found spots for everyone so they could keep their jobs but him. Then he got this job and he is hardly ever there. He will work two or three good days maybe a week and then missing days. She is the same way with work and school she missed so much in her classes she failed for not going and had to pay for classes 3 times now because she didn’t go and failed. She started school way before I did and I don’t think she is close to being done. When she tells you she is going to go somewhere don’t count on it. The other week she told me she would be at my house Thursday morning on Wednesday. My friends boyfriend messaged me ask what I was doing the next day. I told him supposed to be doing something with her why? He needed a ride so I told him that was fine I would pick him up after I dropped the kids off. I had done picked him up ran him a few places stopped at my house for a little bit after I picked them up and hung out and had never heard from her. It was almost 12 when I heard from her and that was for her to say she wasn’t coming. I was not surprised at all that is why I told them I would take them where they needed to go. If she has showed up I could have meet her here at the house it would have only took a minute or two to get home.

She knows that I am supposed to get that money either this week or in a few and I look for her to ask me to loan her some money. Well her husband to ask me to loan them some. I am not doing it, because they could have money but they are deciding to give it away over keeping it and doing what they need to do with it. I am not helping them enable the other one to do his drugs and whatever else he is doing. I have my kids to take care of and I will have money put back for future bills and things but that is besides the point I also owe the kids money and it is my oldest birthday Monday. I plan to do a party for her and things as well. I am going to keep out what I need for right now and a little extra so we can get things if we need them but the rest is going to be put toward paying the rent up as much as I can. Then I will get money each month to put back what I used to pay it up then I can use that to pay a little more up and to get other things we want or need at that time. Right now with the spot they are in with the bank being over drafted by so much I can’t count on them giving it back to me when they say they will because who knows what will happen. The bank gets theirs first because it goes right in the bank. Then if other bills or things they need to pay they aren’t going to be paying me when they figure I have all this money in the bank, I will be put on the back burner. I am just going to tell her I payed everything to rent but what I needed to pay bills and things. They can get mad but I am not supporting others habits and helping them is doing just that.

{January 28, 2017}   1000 Post

Two post ago I hit my 1000 post mark. Seems like it has taken forever to get to that point for as long as I have had my blog, but really not long considering I have taken some really long breaks where I have not posted at all or hardly any depending what I have had going on and if I had away to post. I just like to hit 1000 followers but that will probably take a while considering I am not close. I will have to work on getting my blog out there and seen more now that I am at it and able to post and know I should not be taking anymore long breaks. I will have to do some research later when I get done with my school work on ways to bust my followers and get my blog seen by others. For now I have to go get my school work done. I have two classes do by tomorrow night and one Monday morning and Monday night. So that is all I am going to be researching and studying for now.

{January 28, 2017}   Duct Tape and Cotton Balls

I refused to buy anymore band aids because Little Bitty went through two or three boxes in a week. If she has touches herself on something she needs a band aid. I tell her if she is bleeding bad is the only time she needs a band aid but she will freak out and have a fit if she has a little red spot that isn’t even bleeding yet. I finally told her fine but when they run out they are out I refuse to buy anymore at all. I have some put up that she don’t know about in case someone really needs them.

Now every time I turn around she has a cotton ball taped down with duct tape on all her “injuries” as she calls them. I don’t know where she got this idea but this is how she is walking around. She is her fathers child. She went to school that way the other day. I told her teacher she isn’t hurt she don’t need a band aid but she thinks she is dying and needs one she wasted them all the other times she was dying and needed one so this is what she came up with. She just laughed and said okay.

I may have already told you all this but I do not remember if I did or not with everything going on. She just came in dying because she touched the wall with her hand and wanted a band aid or cotton ball and duct tape.

This child is so dramatic more than any of my other three other than my Big Boy who for a long time thought he was going to lose all his blood if he bleed at all. But even that was just one thing unlike her who so dramatic over everything. It is exhausting sometimes, I pray she grows out of it really quickly here.

{January 27, 2017}   What Have I Done

I am sure I have talked about the rule in my house of no pets in cages until your old enough to take care of them clean the cage on your own along with feed water them and whatever else they need on your own. Well my little’s 3.5 and 6 yo want guinea pigs and I told them the same no pets in cages unless you can take care of it on your own. Then my oldest saved her money and bought herself birds. They had the wonderful idea of if we save our money can we get guinea pigs? Sure if you can save enough to get them, their cage, water, food, bedding and everything else they need then you can get them. I figure no way will they be able to save that much for a while. At least until Mr.6 is a little older and that would make her a little older as well. Maybe not as old as I would like but old enough if they do it then they should between the two be able to handle them. Wishful thinking there, between the two of them they have saved $189 it will be $214 by the time she has her birthday in April if not more depending on who all gives her money. My 3.5 yo old has right now $100 and Mr.6 has $89 he spent some of his before he decided this idea.

Father of The Years parents send them $25 gift cards for their birthday and Christmas. Little Bitty has hers from the last two years just sitting her saved because she really didn’t need anything and has more than enough toys. She heard me telling the other kids how much they had and she wanted to know if how much money she had. I told her and she asked if that was a lot? Then her brother said we have a lot and we have even more together we can get our guinea pigs. Since they are very social animals and should be in pairs or more they decided to each get one and split the cost of everything. I asked Little Bitty who was going to clean the cage she said she would get toilet paper and clean the poop out of it and feed him lots of yummy food.

I am now left to research more about them and figure out the easiest and best way to care for them. They need a really good sturdy cage so the dogs can’t get to them. I found one that would probably work perfect for that on craigslist for about $100. I figured if they still had it when I got my money I would ask them if they still had it and try to get it for a little less for them. It has two stores and on wheels should be plenty of room for them to roam around in and play. I am going to try to put a little box in and see if they can litter train them. I have read where you can. That should keep the cleaning process a lot easier if we can do that. With them being so little I will probably just take a cardboard flat and put in there so all they have to do is take it and throw it away instead of messing with keeping a little pan clean and not spelling. I think I am going to make room in our very back room for them and the birds so they are not taking up my living room and maybe the fish too. I want to put the frogs in my big tank but I am not sue as big as my sucker fish has gotten . I am thinking about making it into a area for the kids to go play but not a play room for say. I still have all my books cases out there and have no where for them so they have to stay out there. But we have taken a desk out of there and some other things could come out. If they do then I can put the animals back there and make a area for them to sit and read or do school work or play. I will need a rug for back there and I don’t know what else.

Big boy is still saving for a Tortoise and has about $80 but he still has a little ways to go for all that he is going to need between a heat light, house and cage for the yard and other things. He wants to have it inside at first and that is fine but he needs to know how long he is going to be able to keep it inside before it has to go outside because it gets to big. They told us they double in size every few months for so many years. Even if he can keep it inside for a while he needs to figure out how big it is going to get the first year to two years and have a cage big enough for it to grow into so he has time to save for what it needs next. He wants this thing so that he can have a pet for years to come. It could out live him. He said he was going to leave it to his older sister if it does so she could take care of it since she wants to be a vet. Then he said he would will it to his grand kids if they promise to take care of it and keep it. I just hope that when he gets it that it really does live to be pretty old and nothing happens to it right away he will be devastated he has wanted it for so long.

I am just having a little anxiety attack that my little ones maybe getting pets so soon. I even asked Mr.6 if he would rather take his money and go to Down Town Disney and spend the day instead of getting a pet and he said no. He said that would be fun for a little bit but then his money would be gone and he wouldn’t have anymore fun. But if he got his pet he would have them for a long time and could play with them and love them and have fun with them all the time.

{January 27, 2017}   Watching for the Money to Move

On the school site when we log into our accounts we can do just about anything and everything we need to do from there. We can check our aid, grades, standing, go in to work on our online classes, set up to take test just everything. The best thing is we can see if our money we are getting back in aid and/or loans is moving and going to be put into our accounts soon. I was told it wasn’t going to go in until about the 13th of next month so I wasn’t looking for it before the 17th when I have to pay my books off. They are the ones that said it is the Friday after we get our money. I get it most times 30 or so days after I start classes. But I always figure a few days out. Last term we got it shortly after add/drop time for out classes so only about 2.5 or 3 weeks out. I was looking in a group I am in for the college and a bunch of people were talking about when we would get it back and a few said that they had talk to aid yesterday and they told them to expect it by the 2nd of next month so Thursday this week, I hope they are right and that they give it all to me not half of it. Up until last term I use to get half about 30 days after class started then another month or two I got the second half. Last time I got it early and got all of it. But then others were saying they always got all of it in one lump and only got half so you never know how they decide or what group you will fall into. If they only give me half then I am going to be in big trouble because my budget and bills count on all of it now. I don’t know if I can do everything I need to do like fix my truck and things if I don’t get it all now. I was going to use it and replace it with money I get every month that I can’t get any sooner. So I would still have it just kind of in savings. Now if they keep half and give me half I will not have enough to do what I need to do and will have it and my other money sitting in “savings” until they give it to me and by then I will have had to spend my money to pay other bills and things and then will have to use the other half to pay other bills. between house hold things, fixing the truck and money I owe. My taxes they say may not come before the 27th of March. I was counting on that to pay back all the money I borrowed and the money I owed on the washer and pay the guns I pawned off. I forgot about that until just now. I didn’t forget it is always there in the back of my mind and pops up at random times. Just pray they give in all to me and it comes this week not in a few like they said to start with. My oldest birthday is Monday and she is waiting on me to get my money to do something for her birthday as well.

{January 27, 2017}   Second Worse Day of My Life

As we were getting in my friends truck to leave Down Town Disney and head home my Little Guy asked if it was the worse day of my life? I told him him no hands down it was not the worse but probably the second worse in my life. This was the point I wanted to just crawl out of my skin and couldn’t stand having my clothes even touching me and felt as if my body was swelling up on the right side. Everyone said it wasn’t but it felt like it so it must made everything worse. I was starting to think I should have went home and not toughed the day out with the kids. I already felt bad enough for ruining half their day. I wanted to be there with them.

Lets rewind and start at the be gaining, Holly Land was having their yearly free day so the older kids school decided to go and asked me to. I told them yes and she said I could bring Little Guy along because he been begging to go for months. We got to school and hour early and left half hour before school even started to get over there and in line. We got there and waited through about 10 light changes outside the place then we get down to where the parking is and there was no where to park and the line was down around and behind the building almost. We decided to just take them to down town Disney because we wouldn’t have gotten in or if we did we would have had to leave shortly after.

We get across the street from Down Town Disney I get over into the lane next to me and stop for the light and so I can see where I am going because I wasn’t sure if I was in a turning lane or just a normal lane. We are sitting there and all of a sudden we hear this crash and feel a jolt. I look and this women drove right into the front of my truck. She then jumps out in the middle of the intersection and starts putting all the pieces that came off her car and my truck into her car. I went to turn into the parking lot to get out of the road and couldn’t so I had to go on up and then turn into the plaza and go around. I finally got back over to where it happen she was in the parking lot so I pulled over by where she was. She was on the phone I figured she was calling the police telling them I ran from an accident. My oldest was on the phone with the principle of the school telling her and asking her to have my friend the other parent to come back over where we were because I didn’t think they were close enough to get there. I waited for her to come up and got of the phone with them and got out. In a minute the lady came over from the other car and ask if I had called the police I told her she was on the phone I thought she was I would. She said forget it I will and called. She walked back to her car. I would have called but I seen her on the phone and assumed like I said she was calling saying I left. I wanted someone else there before I got out and said anything to her in case she started I had kids with me from the school and things. I wanted witnesses.

We waited for over and hour for the cop to get there. Once he came she told him that she was by my back door and I came over into her. There was no way she was at my back door if she had been at my back door she would not have ripped my bumper off the front of my truck. If I had hit her my bumper would have been pushed in and if I had came over on her where she says she was again my damage would have been to the side of my truck in my passenger doors not my bumper. I had two people with me sitting on that side of the truck one right by the door she says she was by and he said she was not there. I was sitting still when it happen. Again if I had come over into her I would not have been sitting still when we hit I would have hit her straight away. My daughter was sitting in the front seat and one of the kids from the school in the backseat right behind her. She is 13 and he is almost 20 so they can both say what they seen and what happen. The cop didn’t talk to anyone but me and her I told him they even said she was not there and that she hit me we were sitting still. He said if I had not changed lanes it wouldn’t have happen. I was pass where I got over when it happen. So it wasn’t me changing lanes that caused it. The other parent even said she seen my over in the other lane and stopped and no cars around me then got the call that we has been in an accident. She had I guess already went inside when we got in the accident.

The principle kept asking if I was ok and if I wanted to go home. She said we could just go back to the school and the kids could watch movies and pop popcorn. I told her no we were right there what was done was done we had room for everyone that we would just go. The other mom my friend had triple A so she called and had it towed back to my house for me. Thank God or that would have cost me a bunch of money I don’t have. Before we could get done with our trip and head home the other lady had already called my insurance company and reported it. They had called me and Father of the year and left a message. So then I had a text from him you didn’t have an accident today do you?

I called them back yesterday and talk to the adjuster and she said she the other lady called her was very rude to her and demanded a rental car. She told her she had to talk to me before she could do anything I was her client not her. She then started emailing her demand a rental car and things. She asked me what happen and I told her and told her that she hit me and that if I had hit her that my truck would not have the damage it did. She agreed and said that was what she was trying to figure out because what she was saying did not make since at all compared to the damage on my truck. She said she was not paying out to her or getting her a car until they sent someone to look at the damage on her car and she got the pictures of my car and the damge to it. Because she don’t believe she was where she said she was either. I told her I got a ticket and that I was going to court to fight it. I am waiting to see what they say before I set a court date because if they say no she hit me not the other way around then I have that to take to court with me as well.

As far as I understand if I am sitting still and you hit me you are at fault to start with because I was not moving you should have stopped or went around. But I am not 100% sure on that I am going to look it up because everyone in my truck and the others around can say the same thing I did I was not moving. I do not know what will happen in the end if my insurance company says I am not at fault and the cop already said I was. I don’t know how that will effect me getting my truck fixed by her insurance or what either. I have to get these pictures emailed to her and wait to hear back from them.

I can not believe this I have been driving since I was 14 long distances and everything else and never ever once had an accident and now I have been in three in a year and half and this one she hit me and I am still being blamed for it. I feel like the others they see my vehicle is bigger and just blame it on me or they see I had other accident and just blame it on me. I am sitting at a light and she came into me hit me and I am blamed.

I wasn’t worried about going back because I had done nothing wrong I knew she hit me we would do what we had to do and be done. Then the cop comes an hour or more later she has picked the pieces out of the road says all this crap and then blames it on me. I just wanted to cry. If it is my fault I will say straight up it is my fault just like the BMW I hit him it was what it was it was an accident I swerved off the road to keep from hitting the car in front of my when every one slammed on their breaks he turned and I couldn’t miss him. This I was sitting still at a light and she came into me. My bumber caught her front drivers door right behind the front finder as she went by and it ripped my bumper off the front of the truck. It ripped the bottle holes out and the bumper in half in a spot. We are talking about a steal bumper on an excursion and her in a little car. The light had turned yellow was about turn red when I stopped that is why I stopped, she had to of never slowed down or tried to stop at the light when she hit me to have ripped it up and pulled it and the brackets for it off the truck. The cop never looked at any of it just said I shouldn’t have changed lanes. I told him I had done changed the lanes was stopped, Before she ever hit me. She was not where she said she was no one in my truck seen her and they were sitting right where she said she was looking out that way. He said you have a blind spot. There is no blind spot for the person sitting inside my back door when she says she was at my back door. When I got over there were no cars behind or beside my truck in that lane I could see all the way down behind my truck.

I think what happen is there is a Mac Donald’s right there and the only way to get into it is turn at that light. Or go up past it and come back down to it. She told the cop she was on her way to Mac Donald’s then said no Burger King. I have no idea where Burger King is around there because I didn’t see one. Maybe it is farther up the road on the same side. I think she got in the turning lane to go to Mac Donalds and decided to go to Burger King or got in that lane not thinking about where she was at and then seen she wasn’t far enough up the street. I think she was in the wrong place in the turning lane the light was yellow everyone was slowing down and stopping she decided to take off get over and keep going straight she came out of the turning lane and went to go across she didn’t see I had pulled up there and stopped or thought she was going to pass me as she came across to get back in that lane and hit me. Because there was cars in the turning lane but I wasn’t looking to see what they were doing or what I was stopped and looking to see where I was and where I needed to go before the light turned and we got hit. That would explain the damage to my truck more than she was at my back door and I came over on top of her. She was in the wrong lane and decided to shoot across why the light was yellow or about to turn red and keep going straight but she had to come across and back into the lane I was in ahead of me because there is no lane in front of where she was. She didn’t go far enough out before she cut over.

I have to get these picture emailed to the lady and see what she says about them. This is crazy I should have taken pictures of her car bt I didn’t I have one the other mom took that is it. But they are sending someone to look at her car so I am not worried about it. I just pray that this all gets worked out they figure out what she did and my car gets fixed. Because I did not hit anyone this time they hit me.

We had to tell the parents when we got back we been in an accident and their kids were in the truck with me when it happen. Thank goodness none of them were worried about it. The kids were all fine no one was hurt or even felt it hardly. The one dad was like oh lord no it was probably like some one sneezed in your truck when she hit you no one was going to be hurt in that. Poor old truck been three three beatings and still going strong. She needs some front end work but that is it. Running fine just need bumper lights and finders. again. I just can’t do anything to it right now. It sucks, I hate having to drive it around like that but what can I do until insurance figure out everything and I see if theirs is going to fix mine or I get some money.

The lady at the accident before the cop got there you could tell she was nerves like she knew she hit me and was in trouble. She at one point was sitting on the ground crying and things. She was fine she wasn’t hurt we asked and no one not even her requested for medical to come to the accident the cop was the only one that came out. She even called someone to pick her up and they got there she started yelling at them and things they drove off and left her. I wonder if she wasn’t on something.


et cetera
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