{January 18, 2017}   18 Years of Lies Not Doing It

You know my mom talking about me not giving Little Bitty my married last name and not keeping it myself is all because she thinks I should just do like she did and I’m not doing it. My mom had me right after she turned 18. Her and my dad got married sometime that year I am not even sure when really. Then about three years later she had my brother. Well of course we all had the same last name because they were married and we have the same parents. When I was in about third grade my parents got a divorce and not long after my mom remarried and had my sister. So then her and my mom had my Step dads name never seemed odd or bothered me that we didn’t have the same name. Life goes on and after a while they got divorced too when I was around 20, but they had not lived together for years at that point. She kept his last name after the divorce again no big deal to me never thought twice about it, don’t care.

In the meantime my brother turns 18 and decides to move out and go live with my dad and my mom gets pissed. She never wanted us to live with my dad and fought it every time he would try to go to court and get us even though I wanted to live with him from the start. When I turned 18 I went to live with him and she caused a bunch of problems and I had to go back to her house in order to finish school even though I was 18. I could have fought it my dad would have fought it but it would have taken months. It was December and school was out in 4 months and I would be finished probably before it all got settled. It was really pointless to have my dad fight it then, spend money and miss work.

Well my brother goes to live with my dad and she don’t want him to so she tries everything she can to get him to come home and he won’t. By now she had pulled him from school to “homeschool” him and they weren’t even do that at that point so she couldn’t use that to get him to come home. Really if he was in school and tried it I don’t think he would have came home anyway. He would have just quit school. But I wasn’t going to do that because I think that is part of what she wanted when she pulled it with me. I was going to do something she didn’t and I was proving her wrong by doing it. Instead of trying to help and make sure I finished and got the help I needed all she ever did was tell me how I would never finish and if I did it would never be with my class. At that point the only reason I stayed in school and finished was to prove her wrong and it meant so much to my dad for me to finish.

Anyway when she couldn’t find any other way to get my brother to come home she decides to drop a bomb that no one expected. She tells him that isn’t really his dad some other guy off in some other state is. That didn’t work either and my brother still to this day is pissed at her for lying to him all these years and wonders about it. The guy that is supposed to be his dad I guess didn’t want to talk to him meet him or anything like that. She went so far as to try and get a hold of him when all this went down. I guess he has a wife and kids and things and I don’t know if they know any of this or not.

I do not know what happen how she ended up with him 2 years after her and my dad got married, I don’t know if my dad knew and decided to try and work things out, if she did this and told my dad later or what. I do know my dad knew and that everyone else in the family knew from the be gaining. I guess she didn’t tell him, didn’t go after support or anything else because she didn’t want him to be in the picture, she didn’t want him to have any rights to him or to see him and take him for visits and things if he ever came around and wanted to. Her easy out was here if you are married when you have a baby whoever your husband is goes on the birth certificate as the father and they are the father until them or someone else proves different. So by giving him my dads last name and him being on the birth certificate meant that if this other guy every came around he would have an even harder fight to see him than if no one was on it. I know nothing about this guy other than what I have put here, I don’t even know his name or anything else for that matter. My brother was told who it was but for whatever reason I was never told. I never cared I was living there at the time and I stayed out of it. I was not around when it was talked about. I was just told that isn’t his dad and that was it.

She has made the comment to me different times about Little Bitty and her dad being able to come and take her and if he wants to see her them making me let him see her and making me let him take her off to wherever it is he is living now around whoever he wants and there is nothing I could do about it. Even told me if I went after him for child support she was going to be really pissed off. Like that is supposed to make a difference to me. No one ever talks about him or brings him up other than me and my friends when we are talking or what. I do not call ex daddy to her never have. She is the one that has pushed that and we have fought about it every since I had her. Now she is older she hears the other kids call him that so she does. It makes me sick but I know why she does it. When she says something about daddy talking about him, I tell her that’s not daddy that is Father of the Year. She calls him both. The kids have said something about him being her dad or what and I have told them no he is not her dad RC is her dad. My Big Boy questions it and don’t really understand. He was little when we lived there and me and RC were together. They did not know I was pregnant until we were split up and we had moved out of there. Then Father of the Year ended up living in the playroom all that time and being around so he just thinks that is her dad I guess. I don’t think he even knows how babies are “made” really so he isn’t thinking that something had to happen between us you know. We haven’t had that talk to in depth yet. Tonight he said my oldest daughter could just have babies and be a single mom if she wanted to she didn’t need a husband or boyfriend if she didn’t want one. I ask him how she was going to have kids if she didn’t have one or the other and he said just have them. I know bad mom we should of had this talk by now probably but he is him and not on level with other kids his age. He is starting to come around to where we need to have that talk I know.

But anyway I think that my mom thinks that Ii just needed to do things like she did and never tell Little Bitty or anyone else that RC is her dad. Like she didn’t tell my brother and let everyone and him think my dad was his dad. Well everyone but family and they all kept it a secret all that time. I am shocked that none of the family let it out of the bag way before she did. But things are way different with me and Little Bitty, her dad and Father of the Year. I was not with Father of The Year had not been for almost a year at the time I met RC. We have never been back together as a couple since then and have not tried to work it out or wanted to work it out. So why would I give her his last name and let her think that is her dad? And if nothing else she has a right to know who her real dad is no matter what. It is then up to her what she wants to do with that information. If she wants to one dad try and find him and meet him fine I am all for it and will help her. If she don’t care to find him and meet him or try to that is fine too. If he comes around and wants to have a relationship with her and she is old enough to understand and wants to ok if she don’t that is ok too. If he was to come around tomorrow and want to see her meet her have a relationship with her and be a dad that would be fine too we would work on that. Because they both have the right to have that relationship if they want to. It isn’t for my mom, my ex, my friends, other family or kids to say if she can or can’t if she should or shouldn’t. It isn’t for me to say she should or shouldn’t. That is there right. Was what he done right? No is how things have been for her because of it these last 4 years right? Not at all. Do people fuck up and make mistakes? They sure do. Should they be punished for them from now on no not if they are stepping up admitting to them and trying to fix things.

But I think that is her problem she don’t want him to ever be able to come in the picture and have anything to do with her. She don’t think I should ever ask for a dime of support and she don’t think that I should ever bring him up or tell her anything about him. It pisses her off that I am not doing what she says. Thinking about it while writing this I think that is why she made it a point to bring me money the other day when they called and were out front and she seen my hair. She keeps asking if I need money or need anything. When I went to get the money she said she split what she had left with me to make sure I had money in case we needed anything she didn’t want me to not have any money. I just shrugged my shoulders at her as I was walking around the truck because I already told her I didn’t need it I had a little bit and had all that we needed. I was aggravated because I know Friday I will be hearing how she needs her money back and be wanting it out of what he gives me. I don’t have it, I have a water bill that needs paid so it don’t go off and I have rent that needs paid so it isn’t late. I don’t want to keep borrowing if I don’t have to and have to owe out. I am trying to get everything and everyone paid off so that I can get on track and start saving. Living this way cost a lot more than being able to do it without borrowing.

But I bet she is thinking that the other month I went and done anything and everything that I could think of to get the money to pay things here and take care of what I needed to. She knows that we are scrapping by to get to next month and I am trying to find a job. But that didn’t matter before, she just call and say their bills need paid, he spent money on this or that and paid this or that and gave her money back so he don’t have any and she don’t know what we are going to do. I love how she needed paid back right away when all her bills and rent are being paid she has money in her pocket but she needed paid back right away what he borrowed form her. His kids could just wait until whenever he gets it and can do without. But then the last few weeks she has been making sure whatever I tell him needs taken care of gets taken care of and that I have a little money to get gas or soap or whatever we might need. While writing this I thought I bet she is worried I will go down and file papers and go after RC for child support. I couldn’t before because even though Father of the Year is no on the birth certificate because we were married they said he was responsible and would not go after her dad at all even though no one was paying anything for her. Something was said about Father of the Year paying support when I was talking to her and she said something about him paying it on all of them or for all of them. Then she said no he is only paying for the three of them and changed the subject kind of quick. I bet then she though oh the divorce is done now she can go down and go after him and if she can’t find a job soon and make it she will to get that to help with her and what she needs. She don’t want that for anything so she is probably trying to figure every what way to make sure what needs paid here gets paid and we have a little money.

I got news for her I don’t care what she does when I get ready I will be going down and filing against him for support. He should be paying and he will be. Just like now there are things I would like to do for her that I can’t because I have to pay everything else. If I was working then I would be able to take the money he has to give me and do the things I want to do for her and let her do the things I want to. Just like if I am working or have my part to cover the bills I am able to use what Father of the Year gives me and do things for the other kids. I just haven’t went down there right now because I have had school to worry about and I am trying to decide if I want to go to child support enforcement or file through the court. Right now I think the cheapest way for me to go is through child support enforcement but at the same time I think it will take forever for them to do anything. Most people it takes years. So I could go through the court faster. But then if they want dna test and things like that I don’t have the money to get them. I think I will go to child support and see what they say then if it seems like it is going to be no help or take forever I will go to the court house and file myself. Also if I go to court they are going to set times he can see her and take her and things like that. I really don’t think he is going to but he may. If I go to child support enforcement then they are just going to set up child support and tell him to take me to court if he wants to see her. If he wants to take me to court then he has to come here and take me to court because this is where she lives. I know he isn’t going to do that.

But yeah that is her thing with all this and what she thinks I should have done and what she wants to happen. She thinks that this is all 18just no big deal just lie to her her whole life and never tell her or wait until she is over 18 and tell her. That just screams problems from then on just like her and my brother. She says she don’t know what is wrong with him but I do and I know the fact that everyone lied to him all that time and then she told him the way she did and why she did he is not happy about it. It is years later but that isn’t something that just goes away or gets better. I am not going to ruin my relationship with my kid over one lie that there is no reason to tell to start with. If it was me and I was told that I would not want a relationship with that person anymore or feel I could trust them or that they had my best interest in mind or anything else ever again. That would be one of them things for me would be a your cut off out of my life from now on from here on out no going back. I don’t care what your reason is for it or how sorry you are now. I can see Little Bitty being the same way when she is older she is to much like me and her dad and we are both the same way.

Let me just say I know that blood don’t mean anything when it comes to being a parent or not being a parent. My dad took care of my brother just as if he was his and just the same as he did me. He did not have to do that but he did he was a father not by blood but by choice. That is fine but my brother still had a right to know. If me and Father of the Year had tried to work things out and gotten back together and things worked out and he raised and took care of Little Bitty as his own that would have been fine as well. But she still would have had a right to know the truth long before she was 18 or older. Just as if I ever get with someone and we end up together from now on and if they were to become that father figure to her she will still know the truth. Because again it is her right to know and it is better to be honest with her from the be gaining than lie for years and then tell her. I am not saying in any way it is wrong for someone else to take on a child that is no their own and raise it as their own, I know a lot of guys who have and a lot of women who have and it is a great thing when they can have that bond with that child. But it is important that child knows the same truth everyone else knows not live a lie all their life and then find out. Because no matter how much that child loves that other person and that relationship between them may not change, it changes things in that child and for that child and it affects them the rest of their life. Knowing their other parent isn’t in the picture and not knowing them or only meeting them will have an effect on that child as well but that child has all their life growing up to process that and deal with that and to figure that out along with your help if need be. once they are an adult and they find this out your relationship with them has been forever changed rather they admit it to you or not and now they are dealing with that and the in formation you just dumped on them. and now they are doing it on their own. I also think that this is part of the reason my brother drank the way he did for a while there. Because it was right after he found that out he started and he was out of control for a while. Again I don’t wan that with and for my child.

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