Just Had To Share

Still do everyday.

What If?

Heard this on the radio the other day and been listening to it a lot. It’s so hard to get past the what if’s or the waiting for the bottom to fall out when things are going so good. We end up truly missing out one the full enjoyment of the here and now and at times mess things up for the future. It makes you stop and think.

Anxious

I guess is the only way to describe how I am feeling the last few days and today just pushed it higher. I do not check my email all the time like some people do. There are times I will check it every day and then others I won’t check it for weeks or only once a week. I do not use my email for anything other than junk stuff most the time. I try to check it at least once a week since the kids are doing 4-h because that is the only way they get in touch with you. I rather text but they email. But I miss some from them because I get busy and forget to check it. The real estate office will also send emails out so often. Must the time to say the office is closed or open these days because of holiday, your rent is late even though it isn’t past the due date or what. Nothing I really read or do anything with, so I don’t even check it to see if I got stuff from them unless I have emailed them about something and waiting a reply.

The other day I checked my mail and I seen I missed a few from the office so I looked and it is asking if I want to renew my lease, telling me they want to raise the rent $50 and there is a lease fee of $150. I want to renew my lease but not at the $50 extra, I can pull it off and will have to if that is what they want to keep it at, but I feel good with it at $800 and don’t have to stress over it every month. I feel if they raise it that $50 I am going to stress over trying to stretch another $50 out of the budget every month. Plus they told me before if your rent goes up you don’t pay the $150 lease fee but if it don’t go up that year you pay the fee. The first lease I signed I don’t remember but I think I had to pay it, the second one I signed I paid it because my rent did not go up, then last year it went up $50 so I didn’t have to pay it.

I didn’t respond to the email right away because I was just avoiding it, I wanted to think about my response before I did and how I wanted to word it. Finally after getting another email Friday I responded Saturday. I told them I would like to renew my lease but at what I am paying now not the $50 extra. I also ask them if they wanted to raise my rent why I was also being asked to pay the $150 lease fee? I told them this was going to be my 4th lease here (make sure they knew how long I been here, looks good) that I paid it the 2nd lease because rent didn’t go up the 3rd just last year I did not pay it because the rent had went up (remind them rent went up last year) I sent it expecting not to get anything back until today. I kept thinking about it but hadn’t had time to check I thought of it going through the store and stopped to check it. I had gotten a reply back yesterday it said….

The lease fee had nothing to do with the rent and that it paid for inspection of the property that has never been done since I moved in, it paid for having the lease written up by the lawyer (if your an agent you can do your own why a lawyer) and a few other things that it was charged to everyone regardless if the rent went up or not. I don’t know if this is something new or what it is but this is what it said. It didn’t say anything about the rent and if it was going to go up or if they would go ahead and do it at the rate I am paying now. I started to email them back and then noticed I had gotten another notice today saying that I need to let them know with in 30 days if I want to renew my lease or not. I already told them yes but at what I am paying they have not given me an answer but keep sending this spam email they send to everyone. Instead of emailing I called and got the girl in the office. In the past I have just always dealt with them that is it other than the time my roof fell in and I had to get nasty with them to fix it and I had to deal with the office manager.

I called and got the girl there and told her what I was calling about she said I would have to talk to him. I ask her about the lease fee she said I would have to talk to him. She said she could give me his number or transfer me to him. She said he maybe waiting to hear back on the rent since it has to go through the owner first. I just ask her if he would be in tomorrow and told her I would wait and see if I got a response back about the rent tomorrow. I just was not sure since it was never addressed in the email I got back from him about the fee.

I probably should have just talk to him today and ask what was going on or what but I HATE to talk to him and deal with him and that is putting it nicely. I have never seen him in person but he was very rude and arrogant when my roof fell in and I had to deal with him and acted as if it was no big deal. I told him I had stuff all over my house from that room so that it wouldn’t get wet I had waited months for them to fix the leak put a new roof on and now it had fallen in and was molded he was just like so what. I finally started telling him all the laws and what they had to do and what I was entitled to and what could be done if they did not hold up their end of the lease and make the repairs in a timely manner. He was trying to tell me I couldn’t use the room for a bedroom it wasn’t up to code to be a bedroom it was only a porch. So then I started telling what code said was a bedroom vs a porch and that when I hung up I was going to call code enforcement and have them come out to take a look at it and make sure I wasn’t “breaking” any codes while living in their house I wouldn’t want to do that and get them in trouble. I told him in the meantime I was looking for somewhere to rent and they could pay all my money I paid to get in here back all it would cost to get me into a new place and all my moving fees to get into a new place because patching something two roofers already said couldn’t be patched and needed to be replaced was not acceptable to me. So to let the owner know that I would be moving soon and he needed to have the money to cover everything so that I could. I went to hang up and he said wait don’t call code enforcement give me until in the morning to get a hold of the owner and run all this you have told me by him and see what we can do. I said okay but tomorrow I am calling them and starting to look for a new place to live. With in hours I got a call saying they were putting a new roof on that room. When the rest of the house started leaking I just called and said okay now the hall and living room are both leaking, with in a couple days I had roofers out here putting on a new roof on all the house. I have not dealt with him since then but once and that was right after Father of the Year moved out and they signed my first lease with just me on it he tried to throw me out because my money didn’t come and I told him I be late a week on the rent, always just the girls at the front desk, but they have left and they have new people and now it all gets bounced back to him I guess. The other girl had been there years and could run the place with her eyes closed and could decide what to do or would tell him and if he didn’t do it then she just would and tell him this what i done we got to pay it or whatever. She was very nice very fair and like everyone else felt if your are living here paying your rent then they should take care of your stuff and treat you like a person not a paycheck.

Normally I wouldn’t worry about it just like when the roof wasn’t getting fixed and I told him what I did, but I knew I was right I knew my rights and that everything I said including him having to pay for me to move and things were true. So if they got nasty and said move okay fine the money was there. Plus who is going to pay $5000 or so to move someone out over a roof that needs fixed then still have to fix it before they can rent it to anyone else? That was at least a $$5000 job between the new roof outside the new roof inside and all the new drywall for the walls that got ruined plus the labor for all of it. It made more since to just fix it and keep someone in here that they know is taking care of the place and who pays their rent on time all the time. I guess the owner figured that out and the fact that if they did that code enforcement would be alerted to how things were here and other places as well.

But unlike before I don’t have money to just up and move, I don’t have a job to get into somewhere else and everything around is going for a lot more than what I am paying now for smaller than what I have. What I have is going for a couple hundred more most places and even some in here. But the way I look at it is I have been here all this time I am paying about what the others houses around me are paying, they know they get their rent on time every month and they don’t have to come looking for it or asking for it. The one time I was late he wanted to make me move because they signed me a lease with no job and Father of the Year had left. I was late that one time because I didn’t understand how my money was going to come in. That is when they guy got nasty right away well you don’t have a lease don’t care why it is late just get out. I said no I do have one I signed last month he got mad because they didn’t have a copy and i had mine so he could’t put me out. Then last year when I went to sign a new one I asked the girl if it was going to be a problem if they were going to make me do job check and things because he said they should have last time. She said nope the owner his self said he don’t care if you have a job or not if you want a lease give it to you he always gets his rent and your his best renter out of his 4 places. Again if I am a good renter does he want to risk me moving over $50 a month and risk getting people in here that may or may not pay and who may or may not take care of the place? Or would he rather just give it to me for what I am paying know he will get his rent the fist of the month and not have to worry about anything? Plus this place is paid off or very close to being paid off and the taxes are not that high or it at all so most everything he gets is money in his pocket other than if a repair or something comes up. So he isn’t losing money because the rent I have paid the years I have been here has pretty much paid for the place I have looked it up and found out already.

I just hate to ask things like that or do anything to rock the boat knowing that I am not in a spot where I can move or do anything other than stay here. But I feel I should ask because like I said even if I can scrape the extra $50 into the budget some how it’s not easy and I don’t want to have to stress and I know he is happy with me as a renter he has not problems out of me so it was worth a shot. I guess if I do not hear back from them by tomorrow I will just email him again and tell him I do want to renew my lease has he talked to the owner about doing it at the rate I am now and see what he says. The owner is out of state and half the time I do not think he even talks to the owner when things like this comes up. I think he just decides no or what he wants to do or feels should be done and does it. It isn’t right it should be up to the owner and the girl in the office would talk to the owner about things or let him know what was going on and if something needed fixed or if it needed replaces and funny anytime she talk to the owner about something whatever it was always got fixed right away or replaced if it was going to take to long to fix. I have had heat and air people at my house on a Sunday because I called and let them know it wasn’t working. I told her I knew it was Sunday that if they could please get someone Monday to come out that would be fine she told the owner the owner said send them that day. This is why I think this other guy office owner don’t go to the owner of the house when things come through he tries to do as little as possible. Because the owner of the house has already not been happy with them and gotten on to them for not renting this place out for almost a year it sat empty and the guy who showed it to me then after I called him about 5 times to try to look at it said he didn’t bother with showing it or trying to rent it because no one ever has what they need or can’t get it for this reason or that the only reason he came to show me was because he got in trouble for it not being rented sooner and I called so many times trying to come look at it. Even then he pretty much said oh Father of the Year works here ok go to the office sign the papers you can have it. I said we haven’t talked rent dogs or anything like that. He said how many dogs I said we have one and will be getting anther because we always have had two together one just passed. He said okay I don’t care that is fine. I said what about rent they want this much right he said yeah I will give it to you for this much instead. I will have the office get the papers from the lawyer go sign it and pick your keys up tomorrow. He he could do all that when the place even said no dogs not do background check and just give it to us because of where Father of the Year worked again to me just looks like the owner of the office is being difficult not the owner of the house. The bad thing is the owner of the house is out of state so he only knows as much as the owner of the office tells him. I think he charged him for repairs that didn’t get done and now some of them are having to be done and he is having to tell him they need done again or they broke again and the owner is probably questioning it.

I am just rambling now I got to get off here but I feel a little better. I think I will take the kids outside to play with their guinea pigs for a while. Then to get my school work done and dinner. I just want to nap really.

What Would You Do?

I bought a rug for my living room a while back and it works good but it is to small I need two or one bigger. I looked for a bigger one but I have the biggest size that one comes in. I am not against getting two and using but then would need to buy two new ones since the other has been washed and outside in the sun, it’s faded so you could really tell one was older than the others. I had been looking at the store to see if I could find one and hadn’t seen anymore, the other night me and the kids found one it was marked down. I decided to go ahead and get it and hope to find one at another store or just use the two together even if one looked brighter/newer than the other.

They were on clearnce and when I checked out I watched to make sure it rang up the right price because so many things I have gotten in the past ring up full price and I only notice once I get home. Anyway it rang up for half the clearance price so it came to $45. I figured for that price I would buy another one and put them both in the living room and just use the other for my room because it is driving me crazy not having a rug in my room and I don’t have anything really to match it to or care. It’s in the bedrooms no one goes in there. I have looked at three stores and even called father of the year to make him look at some south of me by his job and can not find it.

I looked on line and found them but they are $97 full price even though they are clearing them out in the stores. I do not want to pay $97 for something I just paid $45 for in the store a week ago. I am debating ordering it then returning it when it comes and then buying it again from the store. Once I return it they will put it out for the $45 price that they are selling them for now. My mom is saying that it is not right to do that. I don’t think it is wrong they can put it out for the $97 price if they want if they chose to sell it for the $45 that is on. I don’t feel it is wrong either because if I found something on line and it is cheaper than in the store the store will price match. But you can’t price match when ordering on line because your aren’t talking to anyone your doing it all yourself.

What would you do? Order it online and return it to repurchases? Just use the two you have even if they don’t match and buy a different one for the bedroom? Or just suck it up and buy it at the $97 and forget it?

Lets Talk Eggs

As you all know the older three are in 4-h and raising chickens, they each of 4 chickens of their own. They have to have three for fair and we have an extra for each kid in case something happened to one or two before then. We have ours in the 4-h coup with one other family and some extra chickens, that I don’t think anyone really knows how we ended up with them because we ordered just enough. We now have 30 chickens in the coup and they started laying a couple weeks ago. I think we are up to between 15 and 20 laying right now as this is what we normly get in a day when we go out to collect them. Thursday we had 40 I think that someone didn’t go out on Wednesday like they were supposed to because we were back to around 20 Friday. Anyway it is split between us and the other family we go Thursday, Friday and every other weekend the other goes Monday and Tuesday and every other weekend. Since the coup is right next to the office one of the office staff goes Wednesday.

The kids couldn’t wait for them to start laying eggs so they could get them and I thought it would be great as well as you keep all the eggs you get the days you go and at times we go through a lot of eggs. Plus we share with a friend of mine or people around us if we don’t use them all. The kids are loving going out and collecting the eggs. It is like Easter every time because they do not lay in the spot set up for them to lay they lay them all over the coup and all over the ground and hide them. Some put them in the spot made but it is about half and half right now.

The kids and my friend say the eggs are really good and better than the store bought eggs we get. They are even talking about keeping them and not selling them at fair and putting them in our friends backyard so they can keep getting the eggs from them and maybe even selling them as well.

I can’t eat them, I don’t know why it just seems very weird to me to eat them. I eat other eggs that we buy at the store with no problem as long as they are fixed in a way that I like and are hot. I am not a huge fan of eggs but eat them and like to have them at times but they can not get cold. I can’t eat cold eggs or reheated eggs out of the question. But for some reason it’s weird to eat the ones from our own chickens. It’s not like I look at them as pets or anything like that they are just there something the kids are doing and I take them to take care of them. We even talked about what you do with them once they stop laying and I said they sell them for meat because this bread is supposed to be good for both. I don’t know how to tell or why one is better than any other or that one really is, this is just what I have been told. When they ask what we do with them after they stop laying I said we could eat them. I know I couldn’t kill them or be apart of it it’s not my thing. Again I know it just how it is and do not see anything wrong with it, I just can’t kill something. My friend and her boyfriend would have no problem doing that kind of thing and would do it and we could split it all up. They are use to that kind of thing I am not. I really hate that I am not use to it and can’t do it because I know it is good because if we want to raise animals and things it is something that would need to be done. Anyway if I can’t even eat eggs from them how the hell would I eat the chicken its self if they killed them and everything? I guess I am weird because of it and weird because it bothers me. But how do I get past this? It is normal we eat eggs why does it matter where they came from be it ours or the store? I don’t know what I think is so different about them or why it bothers me. Makes no since at all really just the thought of eating one it’s like nope that’s okay I don’t want any, changed my mind. It is subconscious because I look at them and think oh yeah we got eggs we can make this or that. But then to cook one and eat it nope. I have store bought eggs in the fridge I could go in there and cook one and eat it now but not one of them and we have twice as many of our own. I just don’t get it at all.

Okay I should go work on my school stuff. I have a project due next weekend that I should have been working on all along. Just thought I would amuse you all with some of my weirdness before I got started and give you something to read and laugh at. Maybe even make you feel a little more normal in your own life.

Cravings

The last few days the cravings have been crazy and for odd things I hardly ever eat and shouldn’t be eating. My friend keeps laughing and saying it is from the other night and the kids are getting another sibling. I know it is from being sick and eating like crap the last week or so. Mostly from being sick, I will get this way when I have been really sick.

I made a homemade stew sometime this week and I have craved it for days. I ate the last of it Wednesday and Thursday. Was disappointing when I seen the empty left over bowl in the sink this morning because I wanted some more. I ate a huge bowl of it last night too. Oh and eating way to much I will do that too, when I find what I am craving I eat way to much of it at one time.

Yesterday why I was out with the older kids and Wanda I bought Salami and nutter butters. I couldn’t find the Salai I wanted so I ended up with the little round slices like you would put on pizza. I ate them on the way to the pet store and some on the way home. I passed them to the back so the kids could have some while I ate my nutter butters. I was craving the peanut butter and cracker so it wasn’t as good since I got the nutter butters and not the crackers. I thought it was the peanut butter I wanted more really but I was wrong. But it still helped the craving so that was good. Later I asked the kids where the Salami was and they said they had eaten it all. I wanted more of it even though it wasn’t that good. That is when I ended up eating the huge bowl of stew.

Today I have been eating potato chips and french onion dip. I never eat chips, if I eat them 4 times a year that is a lot for me. They just aren’t something I eat much of, unless my body needs salt, I know when I start craving chips that my body is wanting them for the salt. I will eat a ton of them. I sat here and ate part of a bag with dip before we went to the store and things. I just came in here and sat down to read and write and the first thought was I need some chips and dip. I knew before I went to get them that the dip got left out and sure enough it did. It was still sitting on the dishwasher open from this evening when I had some. I forgot it and oldest did not clean the kitchen up as I asked or she would have seen it. I looked at it stirred it up not that it needed it and tasted it. It tasted find so I have decided that with the amount of preservatives in it I am probably pretty safe because I don’t think the stuff would rot in 6 months and it has only been out a few hours. I started thinking about how dip is used a lot at parties and look how long parties last with things like that sitting out on the table for all to help their self to? I last for that kind of stuff then just sitting there should be fine for mine too. I know if I get food poisoning I can blame no one but myself. But I am craving them so bad right now and there is nothing in the house that sounds good other than them. Look at all I think in my head to try and make it okay, what is wrong with me? That is not right lol.

I think the oddest thing I crave when I don’t feel good or sick is sex. I don’t know why but I want sex more when I am sick and not feeling good as well. So whats the oddest or craziest thing you crave when your sick?

But on the bright side I hope this means I am getting over this and will not be sick next week. I have things to take care of and places to go.

It’s One of Those Nights

Where I wish I had someone to take care of me for once while I’m sick. Someone to bring me something to eat and then ti curl up with me and hold me as we watch a movie while we fall a sleep. It would be nice to just feel cared about and loved for a change.

I know it’s wishful thinking and I must get up and make the kids dinner and get them bathed and to bed. Maybe one day I will have that. Until then its time to be mom, dad, doctor, chef, maid, peace keeper and enforcer while I try not to choke on my cough drop or fall over from not feeling good.

Not Picking Up The Slack

Father of the year showed up for the first time in I don’t know when to drop off money at like 2 am when he got off work. Because he has no time to bring it any other time even though he don’t go to work until 3 pm. For whatever reason when he left he called me and we got onto the subject of support and paying. I told him he has to start paying me every week and the same amount every week. I have to report it to Social Security and I can’t go down there every week or month and tell them I only got this much this month now I got this munch the next and something different the month after. When I report it to them what I get in say February determines how much they give me in April. March determines what I get May and so on. When he is paying me it shorts my check and that is two months down the road. If he is paying me then stops and not paying me them months then I am not only short what he is supposed to be giving me but the amount they take out of my check as well. So then I am short twice as much than I should be and am sunk when it comes to paying bills if I have anything else come up that I need money for like if the truck breaks down or something.

The guy at the office told me I need to go to child support enforcement and have them go after him and take it out of his check each week before he gets it. I hadn’t because I know it will take a year or more to get them to do it and even then if he don’t pay then it will take them forever to go after him to make him pay if they ever do. I know people who have been waiting years and who are owed thousands that are still waiting for them to do something and make their ex pay. I see people talking about it on line all the time and how they are waiting and fighting to get help and getting no where. So it really isn’t going to be any different than what I am doing now just another place for me to go to and deal with and jump through hoops for while trying to take care of everything else myself and the kids and go to school. It is about 20 miles or more from my house every time I have to go there as well.

I told him tonight that he has had this job for a while now and that he should be at least paying me every week even if he isn’t fully caught up. I told him I am going to report what he is giving me and that if he skips weeks anymore that I am going to go straight to child support enforcement and start a case with them so that SSI don’t get mad because they said I can go down there and get it done and should or need to. He started with his he is trying and been trying to get everything worked out and caught up. That he is going to try to pay me weekly now he has to see if he can work it out and can. I told him there is no try he needs to get off his ass and do it. I told him there is no reason for him to not be able to pay me every week what he owes me. I know what he says he makes a week so I know what he is making a month and I know what his bills are for the month. I have sat and showed him how he can pay his bills and pay others he owes and not only pay me but pay me what he is behind as well and be caught up in I think 10 weeks. He would have everyone paid back and caught up on support and be paying on time. Plus he has worked more than normal the last month or so than normal with school’s having holidays and things, so he has made more money than what we set his budget up on. That giving him extra for himself.

Like I told him tonight if he don’t start paying me at least what he is supposed to every week I am going to go have them take it out of his check every week and I am also going to tell them he is making twice what he reported has been all a long as well. Not only will it start being taken out of his check every week but it will also be going up. I said it should be the first thing you take out of your check every week and make sure gets paid before anything else is paid. He said something about having to figure it all out. I said well it isn’t fair I shouldn’t have to sit here and us do without things we want or need. We shouldn’t have to sit here and not be able to go anywhere or do anything we want to do because I have to pick up your slack and what your not paying. I said I am short money I should have in savings now because I am picking up your slack. I am doing what I have to do to make sure everything is paid and what is left and what I am supposed to pay is paid and kept up. He comes off with that money is for you to pay your bills and things not for this or that. I said what money? Thinking he was talking about the support. He said that money you get from school and your loans and things and your not picking up my slack. I said yes it is to pay my bills and I do pay my bills and I take out extra to have money for things we may need or want to go places we want to go or what. I said yes I am picking up your slack because you are $873 behind. That is two months behind that is two months of things you should be paying that I have taken out of my money and paid. I said I shouldn’t have to do that I should have that $873 in the bank to pay on another months worth of bills or put toward things we want to put it toward not spending it to pick up the slack you leave. He didn’t like it and says I guess I will have to start taking what I owe you off the top and making sure I pay you every week then. I said good because that is what you should be doing all this time just ask the judge. He got all pissed off. I said so I am going to report it this day and after that if you miss a week I am going to go open a case and just be done with it. I will tell them to up it to what you are making and I am not going to wait weeks and weeks to do it or a month I am going to go the first week you miss and do it instead of delaying it even longer. I know I know you will. I am paying rent and water and lights this that and the other. I said I really don’t care like I said I am doing what I have to do to make sure my bills are payed and things, I don’t feel bad for you for what you have or don’t have. If you don’t have enough to pay your bills then I guess you need to get a second job. I said I find it funny two grown ass adults with no kids in the house could careless if the kids have what they need or if they are sitting here unable to do anything because making sure they have their bills paid first is more important than what the kids have or don’t have. No it isn’t, it isn’t like that and you know it why you sit there and say that. I said yes it is true, I said that is why you are almost $900 behind and you call me all the time and say I can’t pay you this week my bills are due i have to make sure my bills are paid. I told him don’t have her calling me telling me why you can’t do this or that and it can’t be how we talked about. He said I don’t, I said you do all the time you tell me one thing then she is calling telling me why you can’t and why your not able to pay me for weeks at at time because you all need the money. I said when she does it isn’t going to go over well and I will just go down and open a case. So you better really think about what you want to get yourself into and do what you need to do to handle your business and keep her out of it. I asked if he filed taxes he said no he has been trying to find out from the IRS if he can claim the kids and he hasn’t had time to call. I said so you have had months and haven’t taken the time that is money you could have that could have been paying it all this time why you say you are trying to get all caught up on your bills and things. Well I said no if you were worried about it then you would make sure you make time to find out and get them filed. I am already getting mine back he could be too.

Then he starts telling me he can’t he is doing stuff for her that me and my sister should be doing for her and all this. I said what because she don’t want me to take her places, she don’t want to ride in my truck, she don’t want stuff of hers to be in my truck and then her have to touch them and take the into her house. I said the things she does and the way she does them is not right and you know it and she knows it she still refuses to get help so nothing anyone can do. I told him that he needs to figure it out and get it taken care of this week and start paying me and making sure they have what they need. He just sat there then he kept saying I got to go I need to get off the phone I said you need to list to what I am telling you and know that I mean business so you better figure something out. I just don’t get how he thinks I am not picking up the slack when he is two months behind. Where does he think that that $873 he hasn’t paid has come from at this point if I am not picking up his slack? Funny thing is he can’t explain it to me and tell me where it is coming from either. Tell me it isn’t his fault. I said it is when I am paying my part and then some and you are two months in the hole then yes it is your fault I don’t have extra money I am supposed to have in the bank.

When Is My Daddy Coming

The other day when me and my friend Wanda went out my friend J came and watched the kids. I had to pick her up because she let her son have her car out of state and her husband had to leave for work by 12 am. I didn’t want to have to worry about what time I came home so I picked her up since we were not going out until 9 to start with. This way she just stayed over and Wanda stayed over as well. We got home at like three in the morning. When we got home we all sat on the porch and had one of the screwdrivers that have been in the fridge for years. We ended up sitting there talking for hours then moving the couch and talking until daylight. J passed out on the couch me Wanda got up and went got in my bed. I found her a blanket and pillow and got mine and we laid their and talked and laughed for a while longer before we fell a sleep. I then woke up about every hour until Little Guy came in and woke us up around 10.

We got up got the kids ready and things and were sitting here in the living room talking why they were. They came in and sat down on the couch with us while we were talking I didn’t think anything of it. We weren’t talking about anything they shouldn’t hear or anything like that so I didn’t tell them to go to their rooms or what. Then some how something about kids and birth control and the kids dad came up. Still not a big deal, I don’t know how it came up but something was said about kids and how many brothers and sisters things. I said Little Guy had said he wanted to have 10 brothers and sisters and that I told him he better talk to his daddy about that because I wasn’t having anymore. I said that Little Bitty was 1 of 8. Me and others had talked about it before so I didn’t think anything of it. My 11 year old Big Boy asked how she was I told her because she had a different dad and that he had 4 kids older than her and then there was him his brother and other sister. He said oh but he thought Father of the Year was her dad. I told him no that he wasn’t her dad. He ask a few things I just told him he wasn’t that RC was that is how it is.

Then I don’t know what was said but that is when birth-control came up and my big mouth friend J says I thought you just said the other day you called and are going to get your tubes tied? I said something and looked at her and she just went on about it I was so pissed. I told her no one knew but her and Wanda and I wasn’t going to tell anyone else. I just wanted to blow up but I didn’t. I changed the subject and went on.

Later that day after we took everyone home and where they had to go we came home. Little Bitty started talking about her daddy and what his house was like and she was going to go to his house. Little Guy said something about Father of the Year and she said no not him my dad’s house, he is going to come and get me and we are going to go to the store and play with toys at his house and I can spend the night there. He is going to have a conferrable bed and I am going to sleep in it. Then she came to me and was asking me when he was coming and telling him he was late but was going to come over. She ask what his name was and I told her it was cute she miss understood me and said something else. Sounds almost just like it but not it she was telling my Big Guy my dad is X and talking about him. I told her a few times it wasn’t that it was this but I think with her ears or me being sick and sounding funny she didn’t understand. After a little while they stopped talking about it and she stopped asking about when he was coming. That was Sunday and she hasn’t brought him up again since. I am not going to lie to her but I don’t know what to say to her about who he is where he is or anything like that either.

I have told her when she says something about her dad Father of the Year that is Father of the Year not daddy, but she don’t seem to really notice or act like she knows what I am talking about. But boy Sunday it was like someone flipped a switch and she was all over it and making plans and just ready for him to come and get her and take her to spend the night and she don’t even know him.

I don’t want to lie to her and at the same time I don’t know how to explain it all to her. I don’t know what to tell her or how much to tell her. I really didn’t think she would every really talk about it like that or ask until she was a little older maybe 6 or so and she is only 3. She will be 4 in April. Maybe I shouldn’t have told her yet but I have never told her Father of the Year was her dad others have despite me telling them not to. I just say what I do and go on, I never wanted her to think that I lied to her or that I should have told her sooner. I am going to have to figure out how to handle it and what to say to her when she wants to know when he is going to come to get her. I don’t want to tell her never because she isn’t going to understand that, all I can think of is that he lives far away and can’t just come and get her right now. But knowing her she will want to call him. This is one of them can of worms you think you know how to handle until it comes time and it throws you for a loop because it isn’t when you expect it.

I know when she is around Father of The Year and my mom and starts talking about her daddy RC they are going to have a fit. World War Three is going to start even though it has nothing to do with them at all what so ever. But I am not worried about it what so ever because it don’t have any say in it and have nothing to do with it other than being the ones lying to her to start with. If they say anything to me I am going to tell them just that it has nothing to do with them and I could careless what they think of it all and do not want to hear what they have to say or think about it. If they don’t like it then go on and leave us alone don’t come around, what I do and what I tell my kids is up to me not them.

I am more worried about what I am going to tell her and how to help her understand it all. But I will figure it out.

Schools closed

I got a message last night that the older kids school would be closed today and tomorrow (Wednesday) for sure and maybe longer. They were closed Monday for the holiday but now the staff and a bunch of the students are sick so they are closing for the next two days as well. I had already planed to take three of the kids back to the doctor today because they aren’t better. I was going to take them yesterday but they couldn’t get them in so I got them to put them in for after school today. Then they didn’t go today.

We went and she said that the oldest has bronchitis, the next one down has croup and youngest has strep. We were just there a week or so ago and she said they were fine expect number 3 who had an ear infection. He is fine now he wasn’t seen but now the other three are sick still and not getting better. Number two is worse I think than when he went before. I still don’t know what I have because they have not changed my doctor yet so I can only go to the ER until I can get them to fix it. I don’t feel like sitting in the er again after being there the other week. I have medication they gave me then that I didn’t end up needing, I am going to take them and hope it helps get rid of whatever this is.

My friends boyfriend got out of the hospital today and she went home, she is going to come back in the morning and watch the kids so I can go to school. I got something quick for dinner tonight since none of us feel good sill. It was cooking and Little Bitty ask to take a shower so they set the water for her. Well she didn’t tell anyone it started stopping up again. She decides she is done and wants out and calls for us to get her. As I walk around the bed and into the bathroom there is all this water. I look and the shower is over flowing. It ran under boxes of pictures and paperwork I had there and under the bed. We had to get tows and clean it all up and then even mop over it and over it to get it all up. Then we had to go dump everything out of the boxes onto my bed so that it didn’t get wet because they were soaked. I am now sleeping on the couch because I am so tired and feel like crap, I don’t feel like cleaning my bed off and finding a place for all this mess that needs to be put a way now.

Now I am sitting here on the couch writing and watching the escape channel. I want to go to sleep but at the same time want to get some other things done first. I just feel like I can’t lay down and go to sleep yet.

I wanted to get stuff done this week but now with the kids out of school I can’t. I am going to try and get them to help me go through this house tomorrow and get a ton of stuff cleaned up and cleaned out again. It seems like such a mess since we have been sick and doing just what we have had to.