{February 8, 2017}   Two Years Already

Today is two years since my dad has passed, two years it’s hard to wrap my mind around it and figure out where the time has gone. It feels like yesterday. I have been thinking about it for a week or so now as it got closer and closer to today it just keeps sitting there in the back of my mind two years two years over and over like a echo. I wasn’t sure how today was going to go at all it could have been really bad or could have been great I honestly didn’t know how I was going to feel today or if I was going to do anything. To top it off I had to go to class today. I was worried what if I was to bothered by it to go I would miss another day. I even thought about it in bed last night as I laid down to go to sleep.

This morning I woke up at 5 with the dogs wanting to go out, got the kids up they took them out and we laid back down. I could’t sleep so I looked around on my phone. It was the first thing that came to mind when I woke up part of why I couldn’t fall a sleep I think. I finally went back to sleep until the alarm went off and got everyone up. I got up got Little Bitty ready and fought with her to get her to get dressed and even go to school. Doctor said she was fine yesterday so she was going today. We got there I asked the kids to walk them in my side was hurting from my gallbladder again. Then I took the older kids and dropped them off, I walked Big Boys stuff up and put it in class for him I didn’t want him to drop it all and break it he had my bowl and other glass stuff in it. He has a habit of falling down. Not what I wanted to deal with this morning. I talk to the teacher and one of the students for a bit and left. I came home and was going to make something to eat but I didn’t. I put coffee on and came to check in with everyone here instead.

I started one post about something and it turned into a post about other stuff half way through and I had to leave to get to class so I just saved it. I have to go back split it up clean them up and then post them but I haven’t had time today or felt like it with everything going on and being sick.

I got to class and sat down and we started the teacher asked everyone how we were feeling or how our day was going and done some counseling examples with it and we went on with class. All this time since I got up to get the kids up until that point I had not even thought about what today was. All of a sudden it just hit me right in the middle of class. I just felt like someone dropped something on me I can’t explain it. I started to tear up I looked at the clock to see what time it was we still had half the class left. I had my hoodie sitting there I wiped my eyes with it a few times and just kept looking at my paper. I don’t know why I just started writing. I wrote about half a page or so, I had no clue what was going on in the rest of the class. I didn’t know what they were talking about what was said nothing. I still don’t and am not sure if we had something to do for homework or turn in Monday or when our test it or what it is on.

It was like I just blocked everyone out. All of a sudden I released the teacher was talking to me. Just like you see on tv where the kids is off in space and the teacher ask him a question and they have no clue what they said or what is going on. I couldn’t even fake it until I made it try to. I just kind of looked for the teacher and looked at him and he ask the question again. I had no clue where he had even walked to in the class by that point. He was asking about how the content of the class was going and the way he was explaining it to us and things like that and how it was compared to taking it online? It’s not great, it isn’t horrible either but it could be a lot better. I didn’t have any problems with it on line and understood it pretty well. But I feel a lot of it is pretty common since stuff if you read the definition to the words and look at the examples or case studies. I just told him it was good and that I liked it online and understood it but I also understood it here and it worked for me. After that he started talking and I wrote a few more things as he let everyone go and they all piled out. I was getting my things together and he stopped me and was talking to me. We walked down stairs together and talked some. I think that helped because before I started writing I was about to get up and walk out of class. I was debating on just walking out going to the bathroom across the hall or taking all my stuff walking out and going home. I don’t know what made me just start writing, but I did.

I left school and it was about 1230 by then since I had stayed behind and talked with the teacher, I just drove right to the older kids school to pick them up. I knew they would be getting out in 30 minutes. As I went by I seen they were outside playing so I parked and walked around there. I hung out there and talk to them and then we went back to class. They have a new kid coming who needs a ride and I was trying to figure out if it was the one I knew of and if they lived close. I am pretty sure it is I told them I would give her a ride in the mornings if she was ready when I got there. I am waiting to hear when that will start but she lives a mile or less away from me and if I go to her house I just follow the road around to the little kids school then go out to the main road and go to their school.

I was going to share what I wrote in class here tonight but I forgot it in the truck. It is late I am not dressed I am not going out there tonight. I will finish it up and share it another time. I will share my other post I was wrote this morning later as well. Probably one day this week or this weekend. I am sick and don’t feel good. And when I came back here this afternoon to read I seen another blog that touched on what I wrote early and it got me thinking a little more so I want to maul it over for a bit before I write it. Hopefully some good post to come in the next few days. My goal is to post at least once a day I would like to post more but at least once. But I may not be around much tomorrow, between being sick and trying to find a cage, we are supposed to bring our furry new pets home tomorrow and I still don’t have one so I am going to have to go out tomorrow why they are in school and look. If I don’t make it back you know why.

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