This was one of the first post that popped up on my reader tonight when I logged on and I can’t say how much I agree with this and feel that all girls should be taught these things. I am guilty of so many of them, I at times wish I had done things differently even in my teen years. After you read her post you can read on to see how well I can relate and where I messed up in life.

 

aka: The things I wish someone taught me when I was a pre-teen girl. Dating should be about figuring out what you want and what you don’t want. For some reason when I was young I had this mentality that every person I dated was going to be “forever.” I can remember even as young as […]

via Things I’ve learned about dating from an abusive relationship — Divorcing a Narcissist Blog

 

One I can’t say I was guilty of, I was the complete opposite of number one. I went into every relationship when I was younger knowing it wasn’t going to last long at all surely not long enough to get married. I don’t know why I didn’t feel that way or look at them that way because I can say about 99% of everyone else in school felt that way it seemed.

It really was one reason I wasn’t running around having sex with everyone that walked across my path and offered or wanted to. I hadn’t really met but one person I was interested in that way and even him all I could think was if I get pregnant do I really want it to be with this person or that person and have to deal with them the rest of my life? Yes I know it sounds crazy and who thinks of these things at that age but these were the things I thought about more often than not. It’s funny because I wanted to get married young and start a family. But I didn’t want to start before I finished high school. I wanted to get married shortly after high school and start a family. I wanted to be done having kids by the time I was 25. But I also knew that the guys I was dating early on were not guys I really interested in doing that with.

two I should have listen more to friends and my own gut instinct when it came to Father of the Year. A few friends said something about him and us together and how we were not anything a like and how he was. But again he was another one that even thought I was older I never expected it to last at all. I figured he would be gone in a week or two. I not ever dealt with someone like him, even though everyone else said something and my head and guy was saying no no I thought what the hell why it last it never will. Guess what. boy was I wrong. My friend and his uncle I lived with kept telling me you need to think about this, what are you doing with him, you can do so much better, you have done so much better, what are you thinking you never date guys like this? I didn’t listen. I wasn’t going to let it go far it wasn’t going to last, I was going to scare him off because I don’t talk to and date guys like this it’s just a what the hell not doing anything else at the moment kind of thing.

Not only should you watch how he treats others and pets but also how dose his family treat him compared to his siblings? How do they treat him over all? Dose his family keep him at a distance, do they not include him in things, do they just seem to tolerate him being there but not really happy or indifferent to him? Do they call him? If so how often? What do they want when they call? Do they just call when they need or want something or do they call to see whats going on and chat? I should have known when I got with Father of the Year and he was all but homeless and had no money to eat and hardly money to pay rent every week and his something was wrong. I should have known that something wasn’t right when his family only called him twice in 6 months and that was because they needed their car to work on then changed their mind. I should have knew something was wrong when his parents lived 30 miles away with his brother but never came around, never called. The only time he seen them was if he called and went down there. They didn’t care that he had no money, no food, and was homeless and bouncing from place to place. They had extra room made decent money and could have let him stay with them a little bit and get back on his feet. The never offered. They acted as if they could careless when he was there for family gatherings. It was just odd, he said it was because he didn’t go to school and had gotten in trouble right before he was to leave for the Air Force. After a while I don’t believe it I think there is something else there and no one talks about it. Also do they have friends? How do his friends treat him? Does he have more than one or two that they are close to and do things with or is he kind of the 3 rd wheel with the two he has? That says a lot too.

Losing ones self I am way to guilty of this, after we got together I stopped talking to and seeing a lot of my friends. Once things started getting bad between us I with drew from everyone and had not friends and talked to just about no one. When we split up the only real friend I had I was talking to was my One Good Friend. We had just really started talking again and often and Father of the Year didn’t really say anything about that because he was married at the time. They bought a house about two blocks away from me so we talked and seen each other a lot. But other than that I didn’t have any friends. I met one girl from school where my son went right about the time things started getting bad and he liked her so I was okay to talk to her too. Mostly I sat in the house with the kids or going to the things they were involved in. When I was in school and me and the girls would go out for drinks once a week or ever other week he hated it and would get so mad and pout and be pissed off he couldn’t go. He didn’t really have friends at all when we were together. His one best friend got killed not long after we got together. Other than that he didn’t have friends he went out with, talked to or ever seen or did anything with.

When I got with RC I was starting to talk to other people go places and meet new people. I was going to church and had joined a women’s group and was making friends. I met him and I dropped it all. I had plans again to go to school and things I wanted in life. I met him that all went out the window and I put my all into my kids, him and his kids. He was working I was taking care of everyone make sure everything was done. It was only until we could get moved then I was going to start school and go to work. But to be honest I don’t think I ever would have if we had stayed together. I was happy I loved him and I loved the kids, for once in my life I was happy. Maybe for the first time in my life I was happy. Maybe not in my life but for the first time since I was in my teens I could truly say I was happy. I was in love for the first time in my life and I had the best family anyone could ever want or ask for in our kids. They did things and tried things but when it came down to it they all were good kids. As much as I wanted to go to school and things I would have been just as happy to go to work and help take care of my family. Unlike with Father of the Year we had friends together and did things together and with our friends. He had friends we hung out with and I had friends we hung out with as well as friends we meet while we were together.

But at the end of the day when you took the relationship away I had nothing. I had put my everything into it and nothing for or to do with just me. I put all my plans on the back burner. Here I sit with hardly anyone that I talk to anymore, two more years down and not in school when it was all over. I have decided this time around I am going to school and I am not going to stop going for anyone. If they can’t handle being worked around school and when I have a sitter for the kids then to bad they can move on. I have settled and put my life on the back burner for way to long and now I am not doing that again for anyone.

And the love yourself first, I thought that I did but now I sit and wonder, did I? How do you know if you love yourself? When did I stop? Why did I stop? I must still some right because I got out?

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