{March 31, 2017}   Very draining Day

Just wanted to say I never use a persons real name when posting.

Today was my day to help at the older kids school and it started out in a crazy rush to get there. I woke the kids up at 7 as always and then I fell back to sleep because I had not went to sleep until after 3. I get up between 745 and 815 depending on what I have to do that day. Something woke me up at around 8 or a little after this morning I called the kids to see what they were doing and they were sleeping. They had not dried their clothes or anything else. We were a couple minutes late but not much. The teacher and one of the other parents were out front talking still. I walked up talked with them for a bit, she left we went inside. We did the morning pledge and thing got the kids caught up on the field trip tomorrow what we were going to be doing and the rules. They got to work I started working on writing the stuff on the back of the rocks they painted the other day. I don’t know if you all have a group around you but it is such and such county rocks. whoever wants to paints rocks then hides them around town for people to fine. We are going to put some in our down town area and take some on our field trip tomorrow. The kids painted them Tuesday and we were going to write the stuff on the back and then seal them. Well most the rocks were black so I had to paint over them with white paint then write on them. I finished painting and was in the middle of writing on them when we had a problem with one of the students that snow balled into a 3 hour or more ordeal.

The teacher walked by ask her to sit in the chair properly and put her legs down. It’s a girl in a dress siting across from a boy with her legs up in the air and all. She started she was sitting right and she wasn’t doing anything wrong and started to go into a melt down. She told her lets go in the other room and talk about it not where everyone is doing work, test ad studying. I started to go with her but I can see in the other room and hear if something happens. They have three class rooms all in a row that have a door in between and a window in between two of them as well. The teacher came back out and sat down and said now she has locked herself in the bathroom and won’t come out. The bathroom is in this little hall like area between the 2nd and 3 rd room. There is a counter on one side where the teachers have their coffee pot and microwave the other side is the bathroom. As soon as she said it I just had this thought and this feeling go over my whole body that she was going to do something I felt she may try to do something to someone or herself but I knew there was nothing in the bathroom she could do anything to herself with. I figured she stopped the toilet up and have it running over everywhere.

The teacher said I am going to give her 5 minutes to get herself together and come out. In a few minutes the kids started saying what was that? Then we hear her yelling or screaming. She got up and went to go in there I got up and went with her. I figured she probably should have a witness being she has to open this bathroom door and go in and still trying to talk to her and get her out. This is a newer child, and she puts me in mind of the type that would say someone done this or that to her and/or to just start swinging if the right mood hit. She knocked a few times she wouldn’t say anything wasn’t making a sound at all. She told her she was going to open the door if she did not come out. She still didn’t say anything so she open the door. The girl got up against it was trying to push it shut and hold it shut so she could’t get in. We talked to her a few minutes told her lets sit talk but she had to come out of the bathroom. She screaming yelling leave her a lone. She told her we were going to be calling grandma if she didn’t come out this went on long enough. She didn’t care she wasn’t coming out. Teacher ask me to go get her binder with phone numbers in it so she could call mom or grandma. The girl molly let go over the door a little like she was going to come out or let her open then turned right back around and slammed it, slamming it into the teacher and slamming the teacher Mrs. C’s back into the door frame. She is having trouble with her back already. I went got the book with numbers we went and called grandma. She said she wasn’t far she be there fast as she could.

We were standing there in the third room talking and she open the door looked around and when she seen us she went back in locked the door. Now we have kids that need to use the bathroom because this has been going on for about 35 minutes or so and it is the only bathroom we have. we open the door again she is sitting back on the toilet with it open and her clothes on. We just told her not to do that when the door was open the first time she was going to get her dress wet. We open it this time she says my dress fell in there and go wet. We said we told you that was going to happen, grandma is coming to take you home anyway but you need to come out others need to use the bathroom. No leave me alone screaming and yelling. At this point Mrs. C has the door open all the way leaning on it with her back against it and her heel on it to keep her from closing it again. She started trying to shove it closed over her she told her she was hurting her she say oh sorry, I didn’t mean to. Then do it agian, she said yes you mean to or you would not keep doing it then say sorry, you know if you do it, it is going to hurt she has told you three times. She starts yelling shut up you know your lying you can’t read my mind you don’t know if I am doing it or not.

We ended up sending one of the older boys with the other to take him to one of the churches bathrooms because we could’t get her to come out and we didn’t want to leave either of us there alone with her. In a minute she stood up walked out into the middle room. I was in a funny position the way we ended up standing there. I think I had walked away int that room but close where I could see and hear what was going on to talk to one of the kids. she came out. The teacher was right there behind if she turned to go back into the bathroom she have to get around her to get in there. I seen her looking I knew she was about to bold not to the bathroom but out the door. I looked at Mrs. C behind her back and said I said she looking to leave, as I was saying she is she bolted into the class where the kids were and out the door. I went after her and Mrs. C ran out the door she was next to. By the time we got to the grass and parking lot maybe three to five foot out the door grandma was there. She came walking up to us. Molly kept going she was telling her just get in the van they would go home and things she just kept going. She ran almost to the end of the little side street in front of the church. Grandma was still calling her telling her not to do this come back they could go home. Well there is a little wall there and she jumped over the wall and headed to the busy road in front of the church. I knew I couldn’t get to her going straight down and across like she did so I went to the side where I was standing to get up to the road to see where she was going and where she was at even if I wasn’t close to her. She was about half block or less away from me. She was standing on the corner looking at the cars flying by. I was calling her she was ignoring me. She ripped her shoes off and tossed them down and started lunging toward the road and the cars that were coming. I have ran across the yard at the church and now I am running down the parking lot on the side of this busy road. I was trying to call 911 why I was trying to run then trying to stop traffic on this busy road cars flying by because she is trying to run out in the road with car coming at her. I shoved my phone back in my pocket because I could’t look at dialing it, trying to stop traffic and trying to watch her all at the same time. I felt they needed to be called but in order for me to keep me and her as safe as I could and do everything I could to keep her safe I needed to focus on me and her and figured someone was calling the police.

I am trying to stop the traffic and they just ignore me and fly right on by. I am hollering for her to not go in the road to get back and she keeps acting like she is about to run in the road at any second. I stepped out in the middle of the road so traffic would hopefully stop and it did. But I could not see traffic coming from the other direction up by where she was because it was around a bin. I couldn’t stop them because they would have to pass her or be on top of her before they would see me. She looked seen there was no traffic coming I had stopped it and thank God there was none coming at that time her direction she took off running down the street again. I got on the sidewalk and went after her trying to at least just get caught up to her see where she was going so we didn’t lose her. Mrs. C couldn’t follow because we could’t leave the kids in class alone. I have no idea where grandma was because I figured when I stopped traffic grandma would be there in a minute maybe she could grab her or something she never came. she got ahead of me because we ere so far apart she rounded a corner and went down another little side street. I got to the corner there and I seen grandma in the van pulled up by her talking to her she wasn’t running or anything she was walking so I didn’t go any closer I figured she calming down she is talking to grandma she isn’t running I am don’t want to get closer and make her mad or upset her make her run again. I figured she get in they would come back around to the school, I turned around and walked back the way we came back to the school. As I was running by the corner where she tossed her shoes and left them a lady from one of the offices says those are her shoes as I ran by them. I knew they were she just seen everything that happen me trying to get her to stay out of the road and things. Did I really look like I had time to stop and make sure her shoes got picked up and weren’t in the road? I said yeah I don’t care about her shoes right now I have to get her before she hurts herself or gets lost as I ran by her. I was really annoyed that she even said it to me. I shouldn’t have been but it was just the stress of the moment and she meant well I am sure too. I went back by and they had picked them up out of the road and sat them on the sidewalk outside their business there so they would be seen. I picked them up and tried the door but they were locked. I went to go on back to the school and a lady came out. I said I am sorry I wasn’t trying to be rude we just have a situation with a student I am trying to make sure she is safe and things. She said no I understand was telling me she knew we were over there and they use to see us walk the kids down to the library all the time and the park last year and things she thought it was such a nice school. How good it seemed for the kids. I said yeah it really is we have a good group of kids but when you have kids like ours and sometimes things happen. I got back the school the teacher was all upset I was I felt like I was able to calm down stop worrying everything was okay then she asked me where they were and mom was there. I told her they were a couple streets over I thought grandma had her it seem like she was calming down. Mom drove over to them. We waited no one came back I went drove around about three streets sign of them. I think I missed them they took a side street they are at school. I get back there ask her she said no didn’t you find them? I said no I they are no where to be seen I thought they came back here. She said no. She tried to call mom she didn’t answer she tried a few times the last time she told her we had to report it to the police because we did not know if they had her or not if they did not call back in 5 minutes we had to report it because it had been so long no one came back to talk with us or anything. They didn’t call back. We called the police told them we had a student run from campus and that mom and grandma where looking for her but that we didn’t know now if they had her like we thought because no one would call us back or came back to take care of things. They ask the school name and address and said that the police were with grandma. I guess they didn’t have her either. They were still trying to get her or find her.

They sent a cop over to talk to use ask if she hurt anyone she said yes she hit her with the door and hurt her. They asked if she had threaten to hurt herself we told him no she didn’t say she was going to, but that when she ran she went straight for the road and what she had done and that once there were not cars coming at her or around then she went on running but before that she taken off her shoes and was going toward the road and acting as if she was going to go out in front of the cars until I had stopped the cars. He said that’s enough for me thank you and left. I said that’s odd they didn’t ask us to fill out reports or nothing. The kids all seen the cop come up and was already asking where she was when we came back in without her. All we could tell them was that the police were with grandma and they were trying to get her and give her the help she needed that they would let us know something in a little bit. Our one poor boy he is about 15 I think was so upset and sick. I felt so bad for him he was saying my day was going so good it was just going so good then this happen and I jut don’t feel good and I need to do something I didn’t know what to tell him to do or how to help him. I said draw, read, work on work, whatever you want to do here in the class is fine what will help you feel better? He said I don’t know I am sure you can think of something. I finally came him paper and told him get whatever he wanted to draw with and draw. He went back and put his head down for a while.

In a little bit Mollies mom came back to the door and said that the cops were back out front they wanted to talk to her to fill out the report and hopefully baker act her. She said I don’t know they said I can take her or they could or I could take her home, she said I can’t take her home like this she already ran on them yesterday or the day before. She said I don’t know what good taking her home will do. Mrs. C told her I be the one that needed to talk to the cop because I was the one that had the information that would let them backer act her because I was the one to go after her and things. We went out the cop ask me what happen I told him he asked if I felt she was trying to harm herself or take her life. I said yes I did because she kept lunging like she was just waiting for the right time to jump out in the middle of the street. She told them she just wanted to cross the street she was tying to go somewhere on that side. I said no sir she didn’t just want to cross the street, I said if that was the case and she wanted over there so bad why didn’t she then cross when I stopped traffic and she was standing there? I said once I stopped traffic and there were no cars coming she wasn’t interested in that street no more she headed for the other one. He said okay if you feel that’s what she was trying to do and that she was about to run in front of a car you will have to give me a sworn statement and write out a detailed report of what happen so I can take her or I have to give her back to mom. I said that is no problem at all I can do that if it means her getting help she needs. He gave it to me and I wrote it out and everything for him. He then wanted my idea and I gave him that and they went on. He told mom that he was taking her straight to the in patient hospital down south of us to go down in an hour or two and talk to them it would take him time to get her there and them to book her or whatever they want to call it and get her admitted.

They said she has been getting worse and worse at school and they have been having more and more problems from her at home as well. That they changed her medications and it don’t seem to be helping and things only seem to be getting worse. Mom said she didn’t know if she would be back once she got out or what they would be doing with her at that point. Mrs. C talked to the principal of the school finally after it was all over and she said she would be sending her a letter letting her know that she could not come back. She said they have had a lot of behavioral problems out of her prier to this as well and that they are not a school for kids with behavioral problems. The fact that she hit the teacher with the door and she ran was enough with everything else that has been going on to say she couldn’t let her come back. She said she is worried about others safety as well if she would do that wit the teacher. I kind of feel bad for her and think maybe they are jumping to soon to say she can’t come back at all but then at the same time I don’t know. Because part of it is the I’m spoiled I am going to do it just because I can and you can’t do anything about it or everyone look at me I am going to throw a fit because someone said something to me. Mom even said some of it she thinks she is just doing as well. Then some she can’t control. Maybe finding a school that deals with problem kids would be better for now for her.

I don’t know when the last time I ran so far, so fast, and in the heat. My head was pounding, my chest was burning and my heart was hurting. Here they started construction on the church today so there are these workers all out there watching, the people from the office across the street and the poor new people right on the corner we all drive by watching this. I almost fell down in the grass coming across the yard of the church trying to head her off and meet her on the road to make sure she didn’t’ get hit. This wasn’t just something that happen it was a big blow up but was under control in a few minutes the day went on. This all took place over a 3 hour or more time frame. The kids have lunch at like 1130 and it started about 30 minutes or more before that. We were not done dealing with it until just about two.

I guess when I decided to go back to the school just let grandma talk to her figured she could deal with her better without us involved she darted to the big main high way then back and forth up and down the side street and ended up back up to the road me and her was on and grandma had same kind of experience I did with her. She ended up calling 911 at that point.

After mom got her things and everyone left Mrs. C told the kids to clean up and they were going to start working. I said you may as well just let them play or something there is only an hour of school left and they are not going to be focused on work after everything that just went on. I said it ins’t like they are going to miss much anyway any no one here’s parents going to complain because their kid. She said yeah I am glad you said that I am still not with it they can just have move time until time to go home. So that is what we done popped in a move for them and tried to calm down and relax ourselves.

{March 30, 2017}   The Fun Just Never Ends

Today I went to school and picked my friend and the kids up and we headed down to look at the parts for the truck. I got to the location of the first one and the bumper wasn’t in great shape at all, one finder was messed all up and all the lights were gone out of it. I called and ask him of I could see the other he said yeah but one finder was messed up on it, he wasn’t sure when he could give me parts off of it because they were not ready to really take it apart yet. Why post if you aren’t? But we figured out I could get one fender off one truck get the other off the other. The hood I decided I did not want at all probably because my hood is in much better shape than the one I was looking at. He told me go ahead come by and look at the other we would talk when I got there decided what I wanted needed.

I got a block or two away and from where I was and my truck died. It was doing the same thing it was a month or so ago when I replaced the part on it. I got it started and got to the gas station, I could’t figure out where the hose was that was lose to put it back on. Father of The Year was supposed to be on his way to work so I called him to come over there to see. He got there hours later. He see’s the hose hooks it up and it ran great. We went over to the other place fast to look at other truck for parts, it was in better shape but hood still wasn’t as good as mine and finders would not work off that one because they have that tan stuff around the edges of them. i told them i just want bumper and stuff and the support piece, he said text the guy let him know he give me a price. I left there made it back to the main road and the hose came off again. I had almost 30 miles to home. I got through the light and made it across the street and just kept going. I give my self room to slow down but not have to stop at lights so they would turn green before I got to them and then sped up once they turn green we got out of the busy area away from lights we just cruised. We started getting back into town I knew we were coming up on a bunch of lights and traffic was getting bad I decided to go a back road to a parts store I knew up the street I only have to get through two lights to get to it. I got to the second one and had to sit with my foot on the gas and break and we had sit through two light changes. Smoke was pouring from under the hood and around the wheel. My friend the kids were starting to get scared and worried it was going to catch on fire. I pulled over to cut through the lots but then seen I couldn’t I had clear shot on that street and it was two drives up so I hit it and raced over there. I ask the guy to come out and tell me what the part was I needed and how much it would be. He came out looked at it said um I don’t know let me get someone else. They take it in and talk about it then say we are going to help you put we really are not supposed to. The kid walks out with it I said what about the clamps? He says we can’t put them on. I can just stick it back on for you. I said it is just going to come off in a minute it has be clamped. He said i am not even supposed put this on for you they will not let me clamp it. I said okay fine where are clamps let me buy some I will do it myself. Come show me where to hook it back up. We get out there where it went was way back on the back down under the windshield and firewall in the middle. I could not reach it to hook it up. I ask them for something to stand on to get up in there so I could do it they dint’ have anything. By this point I am just pissed off. They won’t help me after saying they would, they won’t give me something to stand on. I ask them for a new part so it will just slide on they can do it. He says I am not even supposed to be here I am supposed to be out dropping parts let me get one of the other guys to get you a price on that new because they were supposed to and didn’t. They just told me to clamp it on it would be find but had no clue what the a part was or called. I go back in waiting on the guy find me a new one I know have 30 minutes left to get the kids. Father of the Year is bitching because has to leave work come help after going in late.

After we got there and got out my friend Wanda says look there is something leaking there a trail from road to your truck. I looked it was the tranny leaking again. I even ask the guy when he came outside he said yes it was too.

I called my J’s husband to ask him if he knew what this part was called so they could look it up give me new one. He wasn’t sure the part I was talking about so I took picture and sent it to him. He said it was just a pipe I didn’t need to buy a new one there was nothing wrong with that one it just got stretched out clamp it and it would be fine. I told him the fluid was leaking from the tranny and ask him why he said no that is power steering you probably…..I stopped him I said no it is from the tranny the power steering is full I been under it and looked other guy has it is from the tanny. He said that isn’t possible it is not hooked to anything to do with that. I said yes and last time it came off it did same thing. I didn’t do anything to that hose we thought it came off because other part was messed up fixed it. But it was more to it. He kept telling me no it couldn’t be there be nothing for it on that side of my truck. I said well I know it is. When he first started telling me it was something else i was so mad I was hot i been sitting in the sun stuck for hours and now stuck again. I know what I am talking about I know a little bit about cars I been around this stuff all my life. Father of the Year just been telling me it wasn’t and going on and on too. I was pissed they acting like I am stupid. I don’t care if it is supposed to do that or not, I don’t care if there are not lines for that on that side of the truck in that spot. If I say this is what is happening then this is what is happening, don’t tell me I am wrong, just answer my question or tell me you have no idea. Trying to tell me I am wrong and that it is something else is just going to piss me off. I wasn’t nasty with him or anything but I just told him no it is this two of us have checked it. Father of the Year finally got there and I raced to get the kids. I was like 5 minutes late thank God that was all. Father of the year clamped everything on and added tranny fluid because guess what was low? I know none of the floods were low because me and my friend had just checked them before I went to school today. We were just talking about how all that stopped leaking how great it was running and things that we should check the fluids to make sure they were still full and that everything was fixed since we had not checked them since I fixed the truck. Guess what it been home since 7 I think and not a drop of anything on my driveway, it isn’t leaking.

I was going to call my other friend that put the pipe on for me last time and ask him why it would leak tranny fluid when it came off see what he said I hadn’t gotten a chance. I shouldn’t have but I was so tired and done by time we got home and in the house since I forgot my house key when i left father of the year with my keys. I came in laid down put my phone on to charge and talk to a friend that called and then took a shower. by then it was 8 something. I said forget it I am ordering pizza for the night and did. I didn’t figure he be the one to come tonight but he was. The kids said pizza is here I said it’s paid get it then I remembered tip gave them tip money. I waled out for something and heard my friend say isn’t your mom here? They said yeah. I was at door by then I said yes and went out. I forgot had sign for it. He knows I don’t leave my kids home alone so he was probably wondering if everything was okay or what was going on I didn’t answer because I always do at night but they looked said it is pizza and I knew it was coming, I was just going let them get it I was doing something in my room. I think they said yes he said can I talk to her before I could move door and go around. I think he was trying see if they were telling the truth before he called me to see why they were home alone or make sure I knew they were.

I said glad you brought it I was just going call you I have a question. He said oh lord from you that is loaded and scary. I said I spent all day broke down and stuck that part came off again. He said didn’t you fix that? I said yes but the other one, he said it got to much oil in it your going to have to replace it to then. I said okay why does this leak when it comes off. He said it’s oil, I said nope tranny fluid. He said same as J’s husband, it can’t it isn’t even hooked together. I said but it is it did last time and today and now it stop we fix the hose put it back on. He said that isn’t possible. I said it did unhook it and watch. He said I have no idea I am going to have to look some things up and try to figure that out they are not even the same systomes or connected. So he will probably be back over on his day off to see this and see that I know what I am talking about because like the other he thinks it is something else.
I said isn’t this nice two of you who have a bout 50 or more years experience between you both telling me this is not happening and can’t and I am watching it with my own two eyes do it and seen it happen twice now.

I guess between the two of them being so stumped they will be going over it to figure out why it does that. I don’t care just as long as it don’t break anymore I’m good. It seems like I always have something on my vehicles that they tell me no it isn’t like that it is like this, I’m like um well yeah not mine it is like this. It seems to never fail no matter what I get how big or little there will be something that isn’t how it should be or something that isn’t right or something.

{March 29, 2017}   Waiting May Have Paid Off

Monday evening I was looking on craigslist to see if I could find parts for my truck. I thought it was a long shot but was going to post looking for and decided to just look before I did. I also was looking at other trucks like mine to see what was out there for how much. But anyway I found an add I guy listed that he was parting out two F250’s it said he had pretty much everything even the motor I would love to have in mine. It was around 730 I called anyway but didn’t get anyone it was a business. I left my name and number told him I was interested in front end parts. I never heard from him this morning figured he probably didn’t open until around 10 (nothing around here does) I would give him time to get messages see what he had and give me a call. I went to the school with the big kids this after noon and forgot about it. I thought of it as we were leaving so I called him again and it went to voice mail again. I left another message and he called right back.

I told him I was calling about the trucks he was parting out asked if he had the bumper and brackets he said yes. He said he was at one the other was somewhere else. He went and looked at it said it was chrome it had a little bit of serfice rust but could probably get that right off. He give it and brackets to me for $100. He asked me what I was putting it on and what color I told him. He said I have one that is blue don’t know if it is same blue but it has everything on it still, at least it will be blue not look as bad as having a white this and blue that and green something else until you can get it painted. I told him I needed other parts but the main ones I had to get first were the bumper and support. I asked him if he knew about the grill support because I had been told it would work off a F250 and I had been told it wouldn’t. He said yes it would that everything was the same until you got to the back half of the trucks. I said that was what I thought. He asked what else I needed. I said I need hood, fenders, the support, bumper brackets and all the lights. He said you probably need radiator and things too then and was making a list. I said nope it is all cosmetic I am driving it right now nothing like that. He said I can do the hood w/hinges, both fenders, bumper with brackets, support, all the lights and if there are other little things you need probably for $300 and another $75 I can get it taken off if you really need me to we are just very busy right now so it be a few days, hows that sound?

I said that sounds wonderful, I told him I was a single mom with 4 kids and had this accident and trying to put everything back together out of pocket. I told him I would try and find someone to take it all off for me and asked him if I came to see the parts tomorrow and wanted them if he would give me until Sunday to get someone to get them off because if I found someone I have to do it around them working. He said that be find and if he had some free hands come up he would try to get them to get as many of the parts off that they could get at no extra cost. I was shocked. He said it’s just hard because with business we have been super busy I haven’t had anyone free to do anything with them and my friend has it at his lot and needs it moved. I couldn’t go today well I could have but it would have been close to 530 or 6 when I got there then have drive home with one light, plus have kids to still cook for, get baths feed and get to bed. He said I am really busy today if you want to come tomorrow that would be great. I said that works better for me too I get out of class at 12 pick the kids up at 1 and can come down it take me this long to get there. He said that would work good just call him or text him let him know I’m on my way.

I just pray he isn’t wasting my time running me down there for something that is a mess. Talking to him he didn’t sound like he was, he didn’t even say they had damage to them he said he had the front clip in good shape. He seemed decent on the phone and not like he was wasting my time. I just find it odd that the add was listed 28 days before and then relisted 8 days and that he has so much left. Because what he has and what I have are so hard to find used parts for that someone hasn’t jumped on them. But maybe no one really thought to look on there because you mostly find junk. Father of the Year looked on there the other night found a bumper that looked so/so for $50 but it was way up north of me almost back to where he went to the junk yard and looked. I wasn’t driving that far to get it because I didn’t think it was really worth it. I hadn’t really been in to much of a hurry to get the stuff other than I really need the light. I been going to order them almost every night but haven’t I fall a sleep before I do. Guess he didn’t get a bumper up there Sunday for a reason. If he had I never would have looked on there for anything not found all the rest of the stuff I need.

If it is all in good shape and I am getting a steal. A new bumper is $152, new brackets are $110, finders are $200, lights are $130, support is right at $100 hood is over $200. Then I have to have the money to paint the hood and fenders because they are just plain ready to paint and have to be done. Last time it cost me $100 a fender to paint just them. I was only going to be able to get bumper, support, and lights right now it was going to cost me $495. He is giving me everything for $300. This will be answer to prays if it all works out.

Like he said at least it is all painted not paying extra for that right now until I can get it done. I want to paint it the blue/purple color my last truck was. I was it was a light blue everyone else said it was purple. I figure if I am going to save all that money on parts I am going to take the money I would have spent once I start working on parts and have it painted. The paint job on there now isn’t horrible but it is 17 years old and it is got some little places here and there I like to get taken care of before it starts to look worse and cost more to paint later.

That was pretty easy I was able to look up what color my old truck was. I figured the body shop would have to look them up I would have to try to match it up. I was thinking I had the vin number here somewhere for it, I know they can put the vin number in and it will tell them what color it was when it was made. I never really thought about trying to find it on line. It is called Portofino Metallic Blue. It isn’t to common, everyone use to say we know when it’s you coming or if we pass you because there isn’t another truck around that color. I have seen one like mine, one pick up and one explorer that is it. It was funny because when I moved in here the guy that lives a few blocks away had one just like mine so that was two like mine then. I just hope they can still get it and do it in that color. It will go with my seats they are the gray. But that will be a while before I can do that but it is nice to dream right. I asked my one friend but he has his little girl. I may have to see if I get a sitter for all the kids if he will go with me and help me. My friend Wanda said she would watch all the kids. I just hate asking him to do it when I don’t have extra to give him right now. If I had extra I would just give the guy the extra and tell him let me know when he has them off I be there to pick them up. I may still have to and figure out where to get it from. I owe a fee for renewing my lease almost $200 plus the extra $25 they added to my rent and I have to pay the kids 4h stuff along with a few other bills by the first. I think I have until the middle of the month to pay car insurance so that is good and a few other things.

I want to go look for a job but it is hard with my truck looking the way it does too because people really look at how your dressed and what you are driving and all that kind of thing around here. I had one guy stand outside to see what I drove up in and a lot of other places you pull up right in front they can look out and see it. If your cars all messed up they aren’t interested in talking to you. Had some places tell me if your car has this or that wrong with it or problems like mine I couldn’t even park it at the house or at the apartments. Trust me it isn’t like we are talking about HOA areas or ritzy nice areas. People just love to act like they are better than the next and their shit don’t stink around here and if you don’t fit their look forget it. I should be able to get these and get them on this weekend if everything goes well. I not worried to much about putting them on. I take them off my truck then I will know how they go on. I am not worried about denting something on my truck trying to take it off because its coming off anyway so I would tackle the job of putting them on myself. It’s just getting them off and here to put on.

{March 29, 2017}   Admit Your Mistakes

{March 28, 2017}   Perfect Stranger

I am siting here on my bed messing around on my laptop and messaging a friend when a message pops up asking me to do something between 830 am and 1130 am. They said sorry they knew it was late but was I available, it was about 11 pm at the time. I didn’t click into it show it wouldn’t show I had seen it or read it and did not reply for a little bit. I thought it was the lady at school who’s out daughter. I am supposed to go in tomorrow after noon to do crafts be there all day Thursday and Friday. I finally messaged her back and said I don’t even have my little ones to school by 830 and I have something to do for school, I am supposed to be there tomorrow afternoon I can come around 1230. I have to rewrite a paper for school and get it turned in. I should have had it done long ago but this teacher is lax but was asking everyone about it today. I told him I send it to him today but didn’t get to it. He said just get it in soon.

I never heard back from her and I thought it was odd they wanted me there at 930 when most days they are not there before 855. I went back to the message and noticed that there was stuff above what I had written tonight. I knew I had never talked to her daughter on there before. I pulled down to see what else was there thinking I missed part of the earlier message. I hadn’t, when I went up and read what was there I figured out it wasn’t who I thought it was. It was some lady I didn’t even know.

I guess about two weeks ago I messaged a lady on a site who was looking for a sitter for her two kids. I don’t normally do that I don’t like watching kids I don’t know but she seem to be in a jam and needing someone all the time. I figured maybe that would help me too. I looked at her page and things and she seemed okay. I didn’t look her up I figured I would if I thought I was going to be watching the kids. I messaged her asking what days times and things like that. I told her I went to school two mornings a week so that might be a problem. I didn’t hear back from her at all.

Now here we are a few weeks maybe even a month later thinking about it and she out of the blue wants to know if she can drop her child off at my house at 830 am. Again I have never met her, she has never met me, nor have me and the children met or have they had time to meet me and get to know me some. We don’t even have any of the same friends nothing at all other than a two second message I may be interested in watching your kids what times, ages, days things like that with no answer back. But now I can just get them tomorrow and start watching them. I could not believe that she would even do that not knowing me.

I just messaged her back and said I’m sorry I did not know who this way I just glanced at it and thought you were someone else, I can not I have to be at the school with my kids and do something for school for myself tomorrow. I need more notice than that. But, like I told my friend I will not be watching them if she wanted me to later even all the time at this point. Knowing that she doesn’t check people out and will just pick random people out of the blue who asked about watching her kid to just dump them with never meeting them or anything. What could or has happen to that kid already that no one know about then when I comes out who are they going to be looking at me because I am the one watching them now.

There is not way in hell I would randomly pick some stranger off facebook and let them watch my kids without checking them out, meeting them, getting to know them a little, let the kids all get to now each other and all that. Job or no Job I would take my kids to work with me before I left them with some stranger like that or just not go. There is no job worth leaving your kids with someone you don’t know at all. I feel bad for the kids I just hope that the ones who do take them are good to them and nothing happens to them because of the way she is doing things.

{March 27, 2017}   Still No Bumper

Father of the year go to the junkyard and called to tell me that he found the two or three trucks they had there that would work with mind and they have no bumpers or brackets. He went to ask the guy if they had it and if there were more trucks somewhere else, the guy told him no they only had a few of those trucks they had been there a while and what he was looking for was sure to be gone long a go if it was any good but he could go look. I said ask him what happen to the one the lady told me she had? He told him they do not keep track of inventory of parts just vehicles. I was mad because I knew the person on the phone told me she had it all and told me all about it and all about the truck that was like mine that didn’t have the part.

She told me the truck that was like mine didn’t have any front end or motor it was pretty much stripped already. I ask her if she had any trucks that would interchange with mine that would have it? She said they do not have a list to show what trucks would interchange with mine. I then asked her if she had any 99-2004 F-250 Super Duty trucks with bumper and brackets. She said she had the bumper I ask about brackets and she said it was everything in good shape and the bumper was white. No problem with me because I can just get a few cans of bumper paint and paint it. When the guy told him they did not keep a list of parts for each I called the number back and asked for any F-250 Super Duty trucks she said she had a few 2001’s. I asked if they had bumpers and brackets and she told me I can’t tell you that you just have to go out and check it and see, we don’t keep a list of parts just what kind of vehicles we have. I was so mad because I just wasted gas money going up there for nothing.

I love my truck but I hate that it or any that interchange with it are hardly ever found in the junkyard unless they are just damaged beyond usage. The one like mine he said looked like it had been rolled a few times and the front end tore off it. I have no idea what they did to roll it and do that kind of damage because they are huge and weigh just below 8000 lbs. I am going to call the other junkyard that is here local that I deal with all the time back and ask them about other trucks that match up to mine. I thought they all had that in their computers and it would pull any matches when they check but if the one today don’t I bet they don’t either. The one today is a huge company that is all over the country and the little local one I deal with is one little yard here in town. I am starting to think that I am going to have to suck it up and go back and get the one I tried to get Friday where the guy wouldn’t let me go back and look at it because I didn’t have shoes on just flip flops even though I was signing a release to not hold him responsible. I got a little angry and said some things as I left because I called him on the phone and talk to him told him I would be in a little bit to look at it. Where we are almost everyone wears flip flops year round he should have just said hey put some shoes on or what. Then got nasty with me when I didn’t have any on. I guess we will see he already told me it was damaged so I don’t even know if it is worth it, even for the bracket’s because I can get them for the same price he wants on line brand new. I hope the yard I call tomorrow has something for me. We have one other one close that father of the Year worked for when he was doing towing but I have dealt with them in the past. They charged me for stuff then refused to give me everything they said. Then told me it was my fault I knew it wouldn’t work when I asked for it. I told them when I asked for it if they could give me everything I was asking for then it would work but if they couldn’t then I didn’t need any of it they a sure me they could give me everything I was asking for and glad I spent the time to make sure everything I needed before just buying stuff not knowing if it was going to work or needing to return stuff. I had been there three different days then to make sure they had what I needed once I knew what I wanted to do would work once I found out if i would work. Then they pulled that crap because they didn’t want to cut brackets out of the floor of the truck after telling me no problem.

I better get some sleep before I am falling a sleep in class tomorrow.

Today I was sitting there in the living room and the dogs had been put in the cage for something. The next thing I know I see out of the corner of my eye what looks like my big dog just walk through the side of her cage. Surprisingly enough the smaller dog really did not know what she had done and did not try to do it either. She seemed as confused as I was because she can’t just walk through the side of the cage like that, but she had. When I went in there and started looking the sides of the cage were taken apart. I have had this cage for over 6 years and never have I ever had that happen. I didn’t even think it would stand right if it wasn’t all hooked in together. Now I am wondering how it got that way and how she figured it out since none of us did and the other dog hasn’t either.

So lets recap the last few days, I am still sure that someone came in my house on Thursday unless the dog has figured out how to open my bedroom door, turn on the light, turn on the bathroom light, flush the toilet and look out the blind almost 6 ft off the ground. I wonder if that isn’t how she figured out she could get out of her cage maybe if someone came in and she wasn’t happy about it. I don’t know I would love to be able to explain how the rest of the stuff happen and feel better knowing no one was in the house but I can’t.

As for yesterday since I did not take time to go through the house and take care of things and didn’t take time to take note of how any of the rooms really looked or anything I can not say I am sure someone was in here yesterday. The only thing that stood out to me yesterday was the dog being out and now we know she is letting herself out that explains that. I was just to mad at my Little Bitty and the store to remember to make note of how things were once I got everyone out of the house. I was at the door telling them I was leaving they better get in the truck now, closed the door and left.

I have to take the kids to school tomorrow and go to class myself. I have to talk to the big kids teacher when I drop them off so I don’t know if I will be back before class or not. I am going to make sure I turn everything off like the other day. I am also going to try to put something up at the door that will move if someone comes in it. That way I can tell if they are coming in the front door or where they are coming in. If whatever it is isn’t moved and someone has been in the house then I know they are coming in some other door. I think I will also just snap a few pictures just to show that this is how I left it and this is what I came back to if someone has come in and done something. Maybe if I do that and then have something to show the cops they will make a report so it is documented in case anything else happens or we catch someone. The more documented times they have the hard it will be for them to get out of it.

Just wanted to update everyone on the latest news, and clear it up that I am not sure about anyone being here Saturday but that there are to many things that were done Thursday for me to say they weren’t then either. All the more reason I want to move. I have lived all over the county and this happens. Maybe if I just leave the state they won’t be able to mess with us no more. I still think a lot of it goes back to Stalked that I wrote before. Because they don’t take anything and it happens around the same times and things. If I move out of state and it kept happening I may lose my mind. That might just be to much at that point.

{March 26, 2017}   Oh What A Day

It is almost 230 in the afternoon and I have gotten nothing done today but sleep. I woke up about 830 and laid here waiting on the kids to wake up thinking about all I need to get done today. The kids got up about 930 and were going in and out talking. In a few minutes I got up and went to the bathroom and I was sick it just hit me all all at once. I told the big kids to find them all something to eat and laid back down. I sleep for a while. Father of The Year showed up he is going to get a bumper for my truck finally. I found one with everything I need for $50. But he has to pull it. It is white but I am going to paint it black. I just hope it isn’t beat up. I wanted to go was going to until I woke up sick. I figured I could put all my work on my lap top and do it on the way there and back then turn it in when I got home. I had asked a friend about watching the kids. I wanted to be able to look at it and look for some other stuff. But that won’t be happening now. It is about an hour drive north of me but the parts are half the price or less than what I would pay around here for them so worth the drive to get them. Even with gas money it comes out a lot cheaper.

But thanks to my gallbladder I am home, I thought about going anyway when he got here but I was worried I get between here and there and get sick or get there and get sick and have to use their bathrooms. I have never used a junkyard bathroom and do not plan to start today. I don’t even want to think about what they look and smell like. I be sicker than I am now probably. I am going to have to do something about this, this i the second attack I have had like this in a few months. I have never had them that close or been sick from them just in pain. Not good when you start getting sick from it.

I guess I better get off here get something to eat and get my work done. I have 4 or 5 things due. I got mixed up on what week I was on for one of my classes. But it’s good none of it should be to hard and I some  of it is due tomorrow, my goal is just to get it all done today.

{March 26, 2017}   Back Today

Today we finally did something for my oldest birthday. We are really late doing it and I feel horrible but I tried to do something sooner and was going to surprise her with a sleepover with her two friends but they could never get a free weekend to come. They both do dance and the other is in plays, chores and a bunch of other stuff. Their weekends and weeknights until Summer are slammed full. Then we were all sick for so long. Today we went down south and had lunch at her favorite place to eat. Father of the year and my sister and her kids went. My mom was supposed to come with father of the but she decided she didn’t feel good and didn’t want to go that far just to eat. We were going to go years past and she always complain until we done it closer to home. Today I just told her we were going. It wasn’t like we go all the time and she been wanting to go. She said she knew she just didn’t feel like going. I said that’s fine. Less stress for me I was thinking the whole time, I been stressing over seeing her and dealing with her. Anyway we went to the store ran home got ready and left here around 1230.

I meant to do a couple things to the house just to see if anything was messed with or what but I forgot to I was running late the store didn’t bag part of the stuff I had to go back there before I could turn around go the other direction to where we were supposed to be going. I had already given her, her gift but the kids wanted to get her something so I gave each some money and let them shop while I grabbed the things I need. Boy my mom would have a heart attack over that if she knew. I let my 6 and 11 year old go shop on their own. Anyway Big boy picked out a nice choker necklace thing and my little guy picked out a pair of sunglasses. Little Bitty wanted to pick something out so when I was done I gave oldest the buggy and my bankcard so she could checkout why I helped her find something and help the boys pay for theirs. Little Bitty picked out owl necklaces one says best and the other says friend. I told her they are for your best friend you give one to your best friend and keep one maybe we should get something else. She said sissy is my best friend I want these. So that is what she got. I think oldest was a little disappointed but liked it all the same. I know the choker thing is a little big but it is pretty it would look nice with a back or blue shirt and her jeans and boots. If she just wears it a few times he will be thrilled he took his time to really look and find something nice. She did ask him if she could trade it for something else he said what you don’t like it? She said yeah but maybe I would like something else a little more. He said well you don’t like it that is fine you can get something else I thought it was nice. She said no I like it I will keep it. He don’t understand he really does take time and try to pick out something nice for the money he has and the person he is getting it for. He told her he thought it would look pretty on her. She couldn’t say anything else she looked like she might cry. I think she thinks they just grab the first thing they see sometimes but I know they don’t. He is my aspie so he don’t understand if someone likes it but it just isn’t for them or likes something better. If they don’t like it it hurts his feelings. He feels it is against him not that it just isn’t your taste or what. I try to help him understand but it is a work in progress.

After we left from eating my sister decided to ride back with me so we could go across the street and look around at the store. Then she drove us back to her place that was so nice because I didn’t feel like driving. I have drove a lot lately and I just wanted to ride for a change. Then me and the kids came home. There is something all over the winshield of the truck horrible to see out of. I told the kids to get everything cleaned out of the truck and sent one in to get soap to wash the window. He took the key went to go in, he hardly opened the door came out and said the dog is out of her cage. She is at the door I can’t get in she is pushing out. I went got in and moved her so he could go in. Sure enough the other dog was still in the cage. again I know that both were in there because anytime we go somewhere the door is opened and it takes a few minutes for everyone to get the last minute whatever and get in the truck they go back and forth. Again she would have bolted. They are so bad about running that we do not even answer the door without putting them in the cage first. And we have been doing this for three years with the two of them and have never ever had this happen. Now two days two days apart. I am really starting not to like this because they seem to be getting bolder to me. I do not know if they did anything else or not because I do not know how things were left today. I was in to much of a hurry and to pissed off from dealing with Little Bitty and the store that I just got everyone out and in the truck and left. I didn’t really check lights and things. The toilet wasn’t running and there was a towel and clothes sitting on it and they were still there. Other than that I don’t know what doors were open or closed what lights were off or on nothing. I know the air was up but it still was. I do know without a doubt that both dogs were in that cage.

Like to just let me know hey how you doing, I was back again today and hung out with your dog. She is getting really use to me. Maybe not what they are thinking but what it seems to me. I don’t like it I am going to be going to a range and practice with my handgun and then go to get my concealed carry. Then to buy a holster and things for it. I have wanted to for years just never did but this is going to a new level it seems. If they are going to step it up a level then I need to as well. My kids safty comes first and I am not putting my kids safety on pepper spray or stun gun. I had pepper spray when I use to work nights and walk to and from. One time I tried it in to see how it sprayed and it was a little stream I would have been gone if someone tried to grab me because I could have never gotten close to their face. Who is to say how long a can will work right or may have something happen. Plus other factors that go into using it. Stun gun unless your able to hold it on them really don’t do anything but make them madder and even if you can it don’t mean it will work. If I am close enough to hit them with it and or hold it on them I am close enough they can take it from me and grab me. With a gun I can get them before they get close enough to grab me and know that if I get good enough shot I can most likely stop them from getting close to me. I am calling around Monday to see where I can go practice how much it is and things like that. Then the gun show should be back soon and I can go there to get the class to carry. Then just do my fingure prints and background check. I am not worried about that because I can pass anyone they want to put me through.

I have bullets here for the gun two different kinds, one to practice with and ones to use when I carry. I am not even telling the kids or anyone else I am carrying so no one can start about that and no one can say anything to anyone else. No one needs to know the less that know the better.

{March 26, 2017}   Drug Houses

My sister told me that my mother said my house looks worse than the drug houses she use to clean out. I am not sure what houses she is talking about or when she done this but this is what she said. I am just done everyone is laughing at her because they know it isn’t true. It just really pisses me off, I don’t know why it gets to me so much but it does, I just want to go over there and lay into her and tell her that she will not be seeing me or my kids anymore and that if Father of the Year wants them to come over and stay and things he is going to need to find somewhere else to live because he isn’t going to be bringing them around her either.

I don’t know what to do she has called me two or three times this week and every time she starts about same old shit. I got to get this house cleaned up the kids are going to get tetanus I got to go get their shots. She went so far as to tell me the other day that what is wrong with my Big Boy is not my fault!! I said no it isn’t I never said it was. She said the shots don’t cause what is wrong with him and that it is in Father of the Years family. I told her I knew the shots didn’t cause it but that they could be a very big trigger in it. I told her no one is saying that they cause it but that they can trigger it. She then told me if I was SCARED to take them to give Father of The Year something and they would take them. I said why would I be scared to take them I have no problem taking them if I feel they need it? Well I don’t know you just won’t take them will you take them? I said I will have to look into it and see. She said that is what you have been saying for years. I said okay I have to go, the kids need dinner I was about to cook, because she just went on and on about it. Oh and she made sure to tell me that if I got them shots and something happen that wasn’t my fault either but if I didn’t and something happen then that would be my fault because I didn’t get them and I would have to live with that for the rest of my life. I said either way I would, but it will be a lot easier to live with knowing that I did what I felt was right for my children and didn’t blindly give them something just because the masses were giving it and telling me it was fine. I will know I researched for hours for over a year and made a well informed educated decision. Well it isn’t right and you need to go get them I worry about this all the time and stress about it if you just get them. No not happening, not getting my kids something to make her feel better and not stress. If she don’t want to worry and stress over something that is not her choice to make or to worry and stress about then why don’t she go get on medication to help her with that. Next time she says that to me that is what I am going to tell her too. It is not up to you it is not open for discussion anymore if you bring it up anymore I will just hang up and not answer. If you are so worried maybe you should go get some meds to help you not worry about everyone else business. I am that done hearing about it. When I do World war 3 will start but I don’t care and that is probably when she will decide she needs to call someone. I don’t care go for it. Then she changed the subject to something else. How I told Father of the Year he was enabling her. I said no I told him he needs to stop agreeing with everything you say because he knows it isn’t true or likely to happen either and thinks it is all crazy as well. No he don’t and that I needed to stop telling my sister things that I have her brainwashed into thinking that nothing bad can ever happen to any of the kids. I said no I don’t she said the same as me it is highly unlikely anything will ever happen or come of any of the stuff you worry about and anyone else would never even think of all the stuff that you think of. That’s not true and she has asked two or three people about all these different things she is worried about and they said the same thing. They would be cleaning like she is and getting rid of stuff and making excuses about why she got rid of the stuff she did and things. Again I don’t know who these people are that she is talking to because anyone you ask her about she tells you she hasn’t talk to them in months or more and all that is wrong with them and why she don’t talk to them when they were best friends of hers and she has known them for over 20 years. But everyone agrees with her. It is maddening it really is.

I know you can’t tell them anything because this is what they really think and how they really feel and your not going to change their minds. I know my step dad told my sister the other day he left because of how she was about cleaning and things having to be just this way or that and control everything. I guess I was a kid I didn’t notice it a lot or just thought nothing of it. I remember her telling me how my kids have so many chores and shouldn’t have to do this or that or have chores and how we never had chores when we were younger. I thought the other day we didn’t until we were older but that is probably just because she was to OCD and germafob then to let us do it because it wouldn’t be to her standards.

She told me she is the way she is about being clean because of me almost dying when I was about 4 months old because of all things my first set of baby shots. They gave them to me with a dirty needle and I got bacteria in the blood and I almost died. They took my to one hospital and they told them they had to take me to the other one about 20 miles or more away and that they didn’t know if I was going to live until they got me there but maybe not. How they did all these test on me and spinal taps and I was quarantine because they didn’t know what I had. My fever was so high that they wasn’t sure how high it really was because the thermometer didn’t go any higher. They told her they were surprised I wasn’t having seizure and they did not know if I would have brain damage from it until I was older. I don’t know what made her this way and maybe that was it but guess what I lived that should say a lot to her. That yes people get things and die every day but people also get horrible things and live everyday too. I also feel that no matter your age, no matter your health, no matter your color, how well off you are or are not or what happens to you or how sick you get if it is not your time to go you are not going to go. If it is your time to go nothing you have, say or do will change that, you will go. Not flying because the plan might crash is stupid. Because if it is your time to go you could go in your sleep if you don’t get on that plan or have an accident on the way to work. God is not going to keep someone on this earth no loner than he has decided for them to be here. He also is not going to take someone no sooner than he is ready for them to go. Look at all the stores you hear this or that happen to someone they never should have lived but they walked away fine. Or this person done this simple thing that 1000’s of others do every day and some freak thing happen and they died. Maybe how they died wasn’t how they were supposed to die to start with but we all have free will and do things that we are not meant to do so then he has to take us some other way. He has a reason for people going when and how they do as well.



et cetera
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