All though I have been getting out and about and getting things done I have fallen so far behind with applications and paperwork that we need to get done. I missed turning in paperwork I thought was in already, I missed turning more paperwork in Wednesday and have more due this Wednesday that I can’t seem to figure out what we are supposed to be doing. I have to get all the scholarships filled out and done so we can all stay in school and not have to worry about that. One I missed doing last year I thought I turned in the papers and didn’t. I think I can still turn them in and get part of it but not much of it. I just finished filling out Big Girls and Big Guys now I have to get Big Boys fixed from this year and fill out for next so that he gets the full amount this time. Thank God he had it from the last two years we have hardly used that has covered what he needed and still has some left.

I have to get on top of all this. If I don’t I am going to have a huge mess. By the time I get home and have time to think about it in the evenings I don’t because I have such a headache that I can’t stand it. I get the kids fed clothes washed and all that and that is it. I feel bad I missed turning papers in for the 4h fair I hope that we still have time to get them in. I just have so much that I have to take care of that I can’t remember it all and keep track of when it is all due. I barely get my school stuff in on time. When I try to sit down to do things everyone needs something or something and I can’t think. I just need someone to keep track of paperwork and dates and getting it all in.

Then I hear how this or that isn’t done or the house isn’t clean enough or this needs to be done, I need to take the kids here there or do this or that with them from Father of the year. But what does he do for them NOTHING, what does he worry about in a day his-self feeding, working, cleaning, taking care of, bath for, getting ready, getting to places, or anything else no one but his self. While I have my self and 4 other people and everything they are in or do and have. I can’t just get up and go to the store to get bread like I need to right now, I have to get 4 other people ready and take with me. I can’t just go to school Monday morning, I have to make sure 4 other people are dress, have lunch, hair brushed, drinks, snacks, shoes, socks, and get to two different schools before I can think about going. I can’t just get out of school spend the rest of the day relaxing or doing whatever I want, I have to pick kids up, take kids to therapy, chicken coop, store for stuff, doctors, feed stores and anywhere else they may need to go. I then get to come home make sure kids walk dogs, do chores, get dinner cooked, make plates, make sure everyone eats, baths, clothes to wash, animals to be walked, feed, played with, homework for kids, rooms cleaned, teeth brushed, then bedtime and of course no one wants to go to bed so I have to deal with that and a kitchen that needs cleaned a house that needs picked up and bathrooms that need done along with floors that need to be mopped.

While he sits around and does nothing, goes to work goes home to do nothing goes to bed gets up in time to grab something to eat and goes back to work and repeats. Don’t come to see them, don’t call but maybe once a week if he needs something, don’t pay what he is supposed to pay. He paid 4 weeks ago told me he had money the next week never brought it, brought money the following week but just for that week not the week before and have seen or heard nothing this week. I guess I am going to have to find time with everything else I already have to do to go down to the child support enforcement office and get them to do something about this mess.

I have no time for myself every and I am so tired of it. When I do I am so wore out I don’t feel like doing anything. I have wasted this day looking for jobs and just doing nothing. It is almost 330 and I have a ton of shit I needed to do like clean the house out and list some things for sale to get them out of the way. I laid the rugs I got in the living room finally last night but they need to be put down right. It was so late I just opened them and laid them out so the kids had somewhere to play. I didn’t bother to move everything around and put them in right. I am ready to just go through the house and start tossing everything out and getting rid of it but I don’t have the energy to.

My Big Boy has been playing with and helping the little kids today to let me look for jobs and see what paperwork needs to be done and get some of it done. Now I need printer paper because it is gone no one knows what happen to a whole pack I had here. We need bread because two went and had lunch and didn’t bother to say there was none left for the other two to eat. I had no clue it was so late because I was doing all this and hadn’t looked at the clock. I think I am going to pick up some stuff at the store for the grill and grill some pork chops and make yellow rice. Let the kids play in the yard with the dogs and their guinea pigs for a little bit.

Then we lose and house tonight just what I don’t need with all I have to do and we want to go to church tomorrow. At least this week has been a easy week for school work. I have two more things to do between now and tomorrow and then one for Monday.

You know it isn’t that I mind doing it or letting the kids do the different things they do or have the animals they have. I never got to do anything at all but go to school and come home or daycare and come home. We were never allowed to have any kind of pets other than a dog and cat. Even them we had a few dogs that were given away a cat that died and then my dog I had to have put down. We couldn’t have hamsters or anything like that. My mom had birds and that was it really. We didn’t have dogs more than a few months or a year but one. We didn’t do riding, 4h, girl scouts, boy scouts or other activities. It just pisses me off that Father of the year has nothing but his self to take care of, child support to pay and supposed to take the kids 6 over nights a month and for a few ours once a day once a week and he can’t do any of it not even pay his part. He said he would help take them to clubs and he has yet to do that one time. That is why we ended up dropping the dog club it was a day that was just bad for me to do it but he was off work and didn’t have anything to do and wouldn’t take them. Have asked him a month or two to help them with the chickens and he has yet to take 45 minute or hour out of one of his THREE DAY WEEKENDS to do it. Yes that’s right he has a three day weekend every weekend and works from 3 pm to 1 or 2 am. That means there is no reason he can’t pick them up from school Friday and drop them back off Monday.

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