Well I made it to therapy, didn’t make it through. I started crying as soon as we sat down and she ask me how things were going. I told her what happen with the dog and then this Friday was full of surprises as well. She was shocked and pissed as I was. She gave me some numbers of places to call and told me to keep in touch with her. She said if I needed her to she could talk to whoever and help me get whatever help she could. But we pretty much came to the same conclusion that there isn’t a lot of help out there around here. I told her I was ready to leave here how ever I could at this point and that I had already told him long ago that if I lost my house here I would leave here. That if i was going to be homeless and have to start over I could do it somewhere else just the same as I could here and probably easier because other places help you way more than here if you are trying to help yourself. She said I was thinking that too but I didn’t know what you were willing to do or thinking about doing. I said if I lose my house I will not start over here again I will leave some way some how. She was talking about what areas really help people and are better than here. She said she hates the system here it is way to broken and don’t help the people it should be helping.

People wonder why so many families are living in their car and woods with little kids and things. The pay is horrible here and the rents and things are so high. Other places I could pay my rent and bills with what I have right now for the month and then work on getting a job and things in place. here I can pay my rent and not have a dollar left for anything. I have applied at place after place for months I don’t even get a call back. They see I can’t work before 930 or past 530 and they don’t call. I even posted on a thing for the are I live in asking if anyone knew of any jobs or even odd jobs side jobs. First thing they said was 930 is late to go in yeah you don’t think I know that I just say that but I am doing the best I can do. I have child care and things set up but I can’t pay someone to take the kids to school all the time. I don’t have it then pay for them to stay after too. Even if they went to the local school they would have to walk and it is to far to walk. I still have to be here to take them.

I am not picky right now I would take anything at this point. If I could find a couple kids to watch in my home for the summer I would be doing good. I would make as much or more than at a job. I am off to turn in more applications so I can be rejected some more and fell so much better about myself.

Oh and I also told them when I picked the little kids up at daycare today that Father of the Year is not allowed to pick up either one of them. I told them he has disappeared cut off all contact, has been gone for days and that I don’t know what he is doing or may try to do. I told them that he has no rights to Little Bitty anyway because he isn’t her dad so he can’t fight that one. I would press charges for kidnapping if he went and picked her up simple as that. My Big Guy he can’t have if I don’t let him. The divorce papers just say he has him every other weekend it don’t say what time. But the school will not let them leave if I am not there anyway. They said to let them know in the office as well so that they knew and that they told them also. I stopped in but it was closed already. I am going to take them in, in the morning and stop in the office. I have heard through the vine that they may try something with them. Older two I am going in to tell them tomorrow what is going on and not to let them go with him either. I think I am going to ask them at the little kids school if we can change the door code so he can’t just walk in the school without busying the office and them finding out why he is there. That way he can’t just go to their classes and they think he checked them out already. I don’t trust him or her, now he figures he won’t have to pay support he has someone there to take care of them why he works and things. They want nothing to do with her. If I say I don’t want her left with her when he is not there he can’t. If he is going to be at work he has to bring them to me if I don’t want them left with who he picks as a sitter. I had to do that in the papers because he was going to let any druggy or person he could find to watch them. He said oh so and so can do it. So and so done lost her kids for being into stuff and has all kinds of people around her house that are into everything and in and out of jail all the time. But he is going to leave my kids there alone. I don’t care if she has her kids back or not she still bring people around that I don’t want around my kids and putting them in a unsafe situation.

 

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