I think the worse part of everything that has happened here the last week or so is the fact that I now have to go help my mom and take her everywhere when she needs to go. Friday and Sunday I went to take her to the store it should have been a hour or so trip, not with her we got home well after midnight the first night and after 2 am Sunday night. Mind you I left my house at 7 and she is about 10 minutes away. Her OCD is still over the top, I had not been in her house in a while, she has nothing but her coffee and end tables a plastic table with her laptop on it an some other table with her tv in it. She has an office chair to sit in and no one is allowed to touch it or anything else in the house. She won’t touch her key or lock her door. My truck is dirty because my dog laid on the seat and floor and then was in a box in the back once she passed. She can’t open the doors to get in and out someone has to open and close them for her, she can’t put her bags of whatever she gets in the truck because of it, she only gets what will fit in two brown bags and holds them on her lap. Her floors at home are just filthy to hear her talk about them all from stuff no one else would think twice of. Last night after we go shopping she dropped on bag in the floor so she gave it to me and refused to use the stuff because it is so nasty and dirty and she just won’t be able to eat it now it will just rot she isn’t putting it in her fridge with the rest of her food. .

We ended up going out to dinner because she wanted to and she paid for it, I didn’t really want to but it was just so late at that point I didn’t really care I wasn’t coming home to cook. I couldn’t put my stuff in her fridge because it sat in my truck. I had to go out of the way past where we were going to drop it off at home then go all the way back to where we were going. Never can I go there and just go to one place I have to go to ten before she is done. We can’t go to the store that is two minutes from her house we have to go to the one that is like 10 minutes from her house because the other one is to dirty. But then she has to get baskets and stick in the cart at this one the same as she would the other one because their carts are to dirty. She goes on and on about the kids and what they touch or I put my food in the buggy without getting a basket to put in it first. She goes on and on about them not having their shots and everything else. I am so over it and tired of it already and we have only went three times I think. She never can go in the day time it’s always 6 or 7 at night when she calls and needs to go. Then I can’t really tell her no because she don’t shop and has little to no food in the house. If you say something she starts about not eating and she guess she just won’t eat tonight again and how she has nothing to drink. She talks about how she only eats once a day if that most days. It isn’t because she can’t get food it is because she don’t get food or only gets stuff that is ready to eat so then she don’t have stuff for other days. She won’t cook right now hasn’t in I don’t know when she talks about how it’s father of the years fault and things. He keeps everything so dirty. He is in ways dirty but he is always cleaning if you leave him alone and let him clean not try tell him how to do it or aggravate him. But then she wants to tell you how to do everything thing and you have to do it just how and when she says so no one wants to help her.

Again my favorite thing she started about how horrible he was to live with and how abusive he is and things. Rather you know it or not this and that is abuse and I’m not his wife or girlfriend I don’t have to be done that way and put up with it. How he made her this way now with the OCD because she has post traumatic stress from being with her other ex’s my dad, my sisters dad and her ex she just divorced. Well that isn’t my fault sorry but she had problems then as well and when I was with him he was Mr. Great and I needed to stay with him, I needed to get back with him give the baby his name and let him be on her birth certificate. It was okay for me to put up with it, live with it, walk on eggshells all the time and my kids to live with it, but it isn’t okay when it is her. Telling me how this and that is abuse like I don’t know. Then I say something about why I left him and how I know how he is and things she says well you didn’t tell anyone what was going on or what happen so no one knew. I’m sorry I didn’t know in order for my family to not take his side and to not treat me like the outcast because I left my husband and got a divorce even though many of them have done the same thing, I had to go into all the details and tell all of my personal business. Where does the since come in here, I don’t care if my kids tell me nothing that happens between them and their spouse. If they come to me out of the blue one day and say mom we are getting a divorce I have been thinking about this for a long time my mine is made up, you can bet I am going to be there and support my child. I am not going to in brace their spouse and tell them it is okay it’s a phase, I am not going to invite them to every family get together and treat them like they are my child and turn mine away or leave them out when they say they do not want them there. I am not going to treat whoever they get with next like they are no body and do not matter. I am going to be there to help them support them make sure they are okay. It don’t matter how much or how little they decide to tell me or ever tell me. I will not treat their ex’s like dirt or anything like that not knowing what went on but they will not be treated like Mr. or Mrs. Wonderful.

Between that and then her always wanting to bring up what they just did, what a jam they have left everyone in, how he isn’t calling or seeing the kids, how he left everything and anything else she can think of to talk about the two of them I just don’t want to be around them. Sure it just happen but you know what I am over it, I am over being pissed off at her or him, I am over wanting to hear about either of the two and what they done. All I am mad about is the fact that he is doing his kids this way, I am out of the rest of it and could really careless. I don’t know if you can say I am fine with it or I am at peace with it or that I don’t care I don’t feel any of those things. I feel a little numb I guess or indifferent I don’t know how to explain it, I just don’t want to hear about it or talk about it anymore. They have done what they done and now I have to do what I have to do to keep moving on and moving forward. That is all I am really worried about not why or how we ended up here or what is going on. Because really nothing is going on so there is nothing to do with them I have to deal with other than court stuff with him that is all fine it is stuff that has been a long time coming I just been busy with school and things to do it. She just wants to talk about it and talk about it this and that about it, what they are doing where they are them not being able to find a place or what ever. I don’t care, now call his parents tell them what he did maybe they will help me. His parents do not care, his parents never have and never will and if he has talked to them he has told them he has paid me and whatever i say is a lie. Now it is call his job leave a message and do this or that. That I need to go get the paper work and file it and all this. I know I do I have to do that tomorrow. She wants to me to come get her do all this stuff tomorrow why kids are at school but you know when she tells me about an hour ago. Well I have plans with a friend to take them some places and to stop and do the things I need to do like print all these papers out and send my books and go to the job place. They need to go get an id and go to the job place.

But if I tell her I plan to do this with this person it will be why am I going with them and taking them place? Now my truck is going to be messed up even worse she can’t even ride in it because of this and that. How I am just leaving her hanging. When I should have been able to do all this today had I not gotten home so late and the kids had went to school this morning. Or I could have taken her today and done this all tomorrow if I we had not gotten home so late the kids had went to school and she had gotten up. She says to wake her up after I drop the kids at school. Why after I drop them? I drop the last two at 9 and then I am ready to go do what I need to do. So then she should be up when we get up getting ready and then I should be picking her up a little after 9 so we can go to the bank and the store. But she won’t she will get up at 9 maybe. Most likely she won’t get up until hours later. If she gets up at 9 she will not be ready for hours more at least two. Then when I get there she still will take another 30 minutes or more before she will get in the truck to go anywhere. But when I tell her I have other stuff to do let me know when she is ready she won’t do that either, she will get pissed off not get ready not go and then say she didn’t get anything done because I was busy doing other stuff and didn’t do what I said I was going too. If I wait do nothing she won’t go anyway. I will be done in time to pick the older two kids up at 3 and will have a couple hours before I have to pick the two little ones up. I will go to take her to the store then and if she wants to go to the store and bank then fine if not then I can’t help it because once I pick the little two up I am going to come home for the night. She has money in her pocket then she can order something and have it brought to her. If she don’t want that then I guess she will do without.

She keeps throwing in my face she took care of me when I was so sick and when I was like that. I wasn’t driving everyone crazy with everything had to be bleached down and spotless. I just didn’t leave he house and didn’t want to be around people. Truth be told I was that way because of her then, she was sick and there was all kinds of things going on and I had to take care of everything and my sister and brother and going to school and worrying about what she was doing why I was there. If she would have straighten up then and done better maybe I wouldn’t have gotten that way then. I couldn’t go get something and take for it and she wouldn’t let me take anything to help feel better or get me through it whatever you want to say. Now I know I have my problems I either keep them under control and if I can’t then I go get something and take for it so that it is. I do not bother anyone else with my problems or expect them to take care of me. I go  see someone a couple times a month and I take my pill. I don’t expect her to do anything for me she couldn’t if I needed her to.

Then she keeps telling me how I need to come over there and how much better her place is and why she can’t come to mine and how bad it is. How if I came there we could pay the rent between us until we got money again and then be okay. I think that is why she borrowed money to pay it the next two months because she knew I could pay mine this month and figures maybe next but by the following I won’t be able to and I will have no where to go but to come there. Then I can pay it there. Well I got news for her I will not lose my place and if I do I will not be staying here. I just won’t I am not starting over here again. I have not told her that because then it would be how i can’t do what I plan to do if it came down to it and all that. How I am leaving her. She rather see me lose my place that is more than big enough for all of us and her to come here and end up in her little to two bedroom place with nothing of ours kids lose all their pets and everything just so she can have all the control and say even though I will be paying part of the rent and the rest of the bills and have nothing there. So I can cook and clean at her biking call it isn’t going to happen again.

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