I hope that Father of the Year is having himself a grand time living it up with his whore. Because why he is I am here trying to comfort my Big Guy Mr.6 through his anxiety attacks. He has been extra sensitive and tonight went into full blown attack. I don’t know if you remember back when my dad passed a few years ago we dealt with this. Well he been doing really good the last year, I hadn’t even thought about them. Between the dog and Father of the Year they are back and maybe worse than before. It really sucks because I don’t know what to do for him.
They are doing a deep cleaning of their room because they have let it get way out of hand thinking that someone else would come in there and clean it for them if they just didn’t do it long enough. Not happening I been telling them for to long to do it now it’s getting deep cleaned. Well he had a pair of old shoes that are wore out really laying there and the guine pigs dumped stuff all over them. I told them in passing to throw them away. Not worth trying to save and keep or give anyone. He has new Star wars shoes, I don’t even know the last time he wore them. Soon as I said it he went into full blown attack, no, no, please don’t get rid of them I have to keep them on his knees begging me to keep them not to get rid of them. I finally told him I would buy him a new pair of he would please just get rid of those they were really yucky. To that he agreed because then he will have them to help him remember them and to have.
For him it is about remembering things and being close to things. He is a very hands on touching hugging loving on you kid. When he gets this way he can’t get rid of anything because he don’t want to forget it, so if he has it then he won’t forget it. When it was my dad it was easier to explain and help him than it is with this. With grandpa he was upset he hadn’t called him or wrote him a letter like he thought he would and we didn’t get to go see him. We explained that where grandpa was he couldn’t write letters or call and that grandpa didn’t want to leave him that he was really sick and the sickness wouldn’t go away and he died that he would much rather be here with him but he didn’t get to pick. We explained that grandpa wasn’t sick anymore and he felt good and we should be happy about that for grandpa. Because we wouldn’t want grandpa here just so he could be with us if he was sick and hurting and thing. Once we explained it to him and we talked about it he got a lot better. Like I said he wasn’t having them anymore.
But now how do you explain to a 6 year old that their daddy choose to not have anything to do with him? How do you explain that and make it okay? You can’t it is’t okay and there is no way to make it okay. It’s just not something that is going to ever be okay. He knows his daddy is choosing not to have anything to do with him. He knows that he could call and don’t, he knows he could come see him and don’t. He knows that he choose to change his phone number and not give it to use so we can’t call him when he wants to. They didn’t often but there were times they would call him for different things. He has a field trip coming up next week and kindergarten graduation coming up next week, I am sure he wants to tell him all about it and for him to come but he can’t. I can’t take my truck and go so I was going to borrow his to go with him now I can’t even go with him, I don’t even have the money now i had to use it for other things we needed. I let something else go to be able to pay for his trip so he could go. The big kids school paid for their trip I came up with enough money to pay for a small lunch for them.
I do not know what to do for him or how to help him, I know telling him I would get another pair of shoes wasn’t the right thing to do. But what was I supposed to do for him after all that he has been through and going through? I couldn’t sit there and watch him cry his eyes out like he was and beg on the floor. I know it isn’t over the shoes at all but he is holding on to all that he can he feels so lost and out of control I am sure. I am worried because next week is the last week we see their therapist that they go to. She is moving out of state, they will still see her through telehealth but I know that isn’t going to be the same for Big Guy. I hope it don’t make things worse for him.
I am so mad at Father of the Year right now over this more than any of it I think. Knowing how he is and knowing he already had problems with this in the past he cares about nothing but himself and sex. Because that is what it all boils down to. From what I can tell they are still sleeping in the truck and staying in the truck. Not sure if I said this the other day or not. But she is not on line all day so I am guessing he didn’t get her a phone, I am not sure if he got himself one or not. I think they are still staying in the car because she gets on line about the time he would be going into work and she is on all night until the time he gets off. It isn’t like he leaves for work and she gets on or he gets home from work and she gets off. Its with in minutes of when he should be in the lot at work she is on and with in minutes of the time he would be leaving work she is off and she is off at break time and then right back on soon as he goes back in. If they had a place or even a motel room she would be on more because they have wifi.
I just want to find them, they are lucky I don’t have extra money to spend right now. My friend keeps telling me to let it be there is a time and place and theirs will come around. But I am so angry about what he is doing to my kids. All that I have put up from him over the years to not do something like this to them, all the things he has done to me and I still bend over backwards to let him be in their life and let them have him around, and he goes and pulls some shit like this, it is done it is over it will come around.