I have not been around much because I have been so tired and hardly functioning for a week or more. I have been passing out at 10 or 11 pm, sleeping until 10 the next morning and then still laying around doing nothing until all hours of the after noon the last three days. I have been extra tired other days and laying around too but have had to get up go to work, shopping and other things. If I have to get up I will but if I don’t, I won’t. I feel like I sit there fighting to hold my eyes open it is so bad. I am starting to feel tired tonight but hadn’t up until a little bit ago and it is now 2 am. I have been back in my medication for a little bit now too and it is not knocking me out like it use to. It isn’t even making me sleepy when I take it. Most nights I forget to take it get up about 12 or so and take it then go back to bed. I have taken it in the morning a few times when I forgot to take it at night and it isn’t effecting me at all.

I do not think it is helping in any way at all anymore honestly, I feel like I did before I got on it, can’t sleep for days or weeks at a time then all I want to do is sleep for days at a time. I am so aggravated and annoyed by every little thing. The kids are driving me up the wall to the point I just want to walk out and leave or start drinking. I still don’t know what is up with the wanting to drink so bad when I get like this. That is new and I never had that before. I am calling tomorrow to get back in with the doctor to see if they can up my medication or if they have to change it to something else. I hope they get me in this week because I I don’t know if I can keep doing this like this. I know being sleepy just makes it worse because I just want to be left alone and not hear anything or deal with anything. I have to go to work tomorrow and I hope that everything goes smooth and nothing bothers me there and I don’t snap. I go see the therapist this week too. Maybe if they can’t get me in to the doctor to change it she can call them and tell them they need to phone something in or call me and do something not leave me hanging for to long to wait on getting this straight.

I was reading about my medication and it says it is good for short term use but not very long term use and that it is dosed at 5 and they told me the lowest was 10 and have me on 10. I think the pill comes in 10 but it is mint to be broken in half if need be and my doctor or therapist didn’t know that. It says that the max you can take is 20 but there was no real difference seen at 20 than 10 so basically if 10 isn’t working or you have been on it for very long they probably should change you to something else. I am kind of scared to take something else. But I have to take something because I can’t keep going like this.

I know the other therapist I was seeing said they start you out on a dose and then sometimes once it gets in your system they have to go back and up it a little or something like that but that you need to be on a lower dose for a week or two before they can do that. She said sometimes the lower isn’t enough. But I think that medications have such a affect on me they didn’t have to up it but now that I have been on it for so long it isn’t working anymore I have built up a tolerance to it. I know I do that pretty quick as well with most things. I wish I could see my other therapist again instead of the one I have. She is nice and everything but I still like the other one better. We just worked good together. I felt I got more out of my time when I seen the other than I do now.

I guess I need to go to bed and try to sleep tonight. Hope I am not flipping now and going to be up for days on end like the other week. Not sure witch would make for a longer day tomorrow. But I like having this job it gives me something to get up get out of the house and do.

I went to the other job interview I had Monday, it was a waste of time. I will tell you more about that later. I have to try and get some sleep now.

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