{July 31, 2017}   Time is Flying

I can not tell you where this Summer has went. I feel like we just had the last day of school a couple days ago and it is already time for the kids to go back. I feel bad because I wasn’t able to take the kids and do anything with them. The start back the 16th, the rest of the schools start back the 10th. I hope to maybe get one small fun trip of some kind in with them next weekend.

I am scrabbling to get scholarships done and work and everything else right now. I feel like I went to sleep and woke up three months later and am trying to catch up. I haven’t even been back on here hardly or anything. I am thinking about taking my computer to work with me so that I can write on my break since I don’t eat and sit there most the time. Be perfect time to write and get caught up on here, they have inter net and everything. I think I may do that starting Wednesday. Not a lot but a lot going on here if that makes since.

I really need to get back in to the doctor because I am at the point of sleeping all the time and not being able to hold my eyes open. I am going to call them see where I can fit them in around everything else I have to do this week. I just don’t know. I guess I will see. I am going to go because I am just rambling now. I have some other things to update I am not sure I will get to it tonight but if not maybe tomorrow or the next day I hope.

{July 24, 2017}   24 Lbs and Counting

Since I started my job I have lost 24 lbs, 15 of that was with in the first few weeks and the rest the last 3 or so. I have a thing to count my steps and I do 2000 or more in one 5 to 6 hour shift or less. I also sweat a lot, I drink and drink but standing over the grill cooking and being back in the hot kitchen area where the a/c was/is broken or it’s just to hot I sweat so bad that I never have to go to the restroom why I am at work even though I probably drink more while I am there than I do the rest of the day.

After I noticed I lost the first 15 lbs I started watching how much I eat as well. I have never been a breakfast eater so I don’t have to worry about that. Lunch is hit or miss if I eat it or not, I still don’t eat lunch all the time but more now than I did. I will eat a small chicken sandwich or a snack wrap if I eat lunch. At dinner time I will eat whatever we are having. But I get less than I normally would and I don’t go back for more. Last week I cut all soda out and tried to cut coffee but it didn’t work. I want to cut soda tea and coffee but I don’t know if I can cut the tea or not. This week I am going to try cutting the coffee because I drink way to much of it and I know it will or is making me gain.

I hope I keep losing it fast, I only have 44 lbs to go to hit my goal of where I want to be. I hope that I can cut this other stuff out of my diet and can drop it fast. That is one reason I have been trying to have a little something for lunch, cut the soda’s out trying to cut the coffee out and all that. I figure that if I start eating lunch more than not that will help me from hitting a Plato, then if cut out all soda, then a week or two later coffee and then tea it will help shake things up a little.

If I can lose these last 44 lbs I will be back to where I was when I finished high school and had kids. I will also be a healthy weight again.

{July 22, 2017}   Seen Father Of The Year

I guess it was Tuesday I had to be at work at 6:30 a.m. then they sent me on a break at 8 a.m. I noticed I had money in my pocket my kid needed for school that day and left to take it to him because they would be leaving in an hour or so to go and I wouldn’t have another break that day. It’s only bout 5 minutes away.

I went and came back, when I walked in the dinning area it was busy and there were two guys standing there, one was looking at the floor or something and looked up we looked right at each other. It was father of the year!! I didn’t say anything and he didn’t either he looked like he didn’t know what to do or say or do. I just acted like I had no idea who he was and walked past him just as everyone else there and went to the break room. I could see him and his buddy standing there still and he turned and ran outside.

I wanted to say something when I seen him but didn’t because I was at work and we were inside in the dining area with a ton of people standing and sitting around. That is why I didn’t say anything at all because I wasn’t sure what he would or wouldn’t say and I knew that if I said anything to him it was going to escalate from there quickly probably. Just seeing him makes me mad. Then I was standing there thinking yeah he going go tell everyone ha ha she working here or there and when she seen me she ran and hid blah blah, like all the rest of hi lies he makes up. When he went outside I came out and went to see where he went. I figured he go jump in the work truck and lock himself in and not talk to me. I walked out and was looking around for a work truck and didn’t see it or him. I went to round the corner and there he sat on the curb, I almost ran into him. He just looked up at me like he wasn’t sure what was about to happen. He looked so embarrassed and humiliated.

I looked at him and said I hear life is going really good for you these days just as calm as could be like nothing ever happen. He looked up at me and looked kind of revealed and like we were just going to have a conversation like nothing was wrong and he did nothing. He said no not really it isn’t. I said yeah I know, I heard, isn’t it great? I think it is the best thing that could of ever happen ba ha ha and laughed. I couldn’t help the laugh or stopped it, it just came out.

Then I asked him how his whore was and he said why do you have to be so nasty and mean call her that? Can’t you call her something else? I said hey a spade is a spade a whore is a whore I just call them what they are. He says I love R and she loves me. Oh my god guys I about died, I rolled laughing at him again and told him how he is the laughing stock of town. He said no we aren’t that is you and my boss at the shop his wife and his whores ex boyfriend and what ya’ll got going. I said I don’t know what your talking about, I don’t even talk to them. When they pulled all this I didn’t and hadn’t for a year or two so I was trying to see what he knew who been telling him what. He just said yeah all you all got going on. I said I don’t know what you mean or talking about what do we have going on why don’t you tell me because I don’t know? He didn’t say anything just you know or something like that. I said no I really don’t. I said oh you mean the fact we have jobs, cars, phones, pay our bills, have our kids and take care of them, have our priorities and responsibilities straight we aren’t homeless, careless, have no phone or anything else going for us? If that is what you mean by going on then yeah we have a lot going on. He don’t you have a job to do? I said yeah I do and will when I get ready to. I have this one my second one and school and the one I have to do for school because I do what I am supposed to do and take care of the things that mean something to me and do what has to be done to make it. He didn’t’ say anything.

I asked him if he ever planed to see his kids or pay child support for his kids again. He said yeah his boss took it out of his check and was going to send it to me. I said when because I haven’t seen anything? He said in a few days or as soon as I get the address to him, it probably be a couple days or so. I said whats a couple more days to wait don’t rush or anything not like it hasn’t been months already that they have been waiting and needing things. I said why we are on the subject of the kids want to know what they think about all this and what you have done? He just sat there looking at the ground. I said let me tell you lets start with Big Guy because he seems to have the most to say and vocal about it all. I said the night when me and him was sitting in the hospital for the 2nd night in a row with oldest son he looked at me and said mommy I am so glad you are hear and take care of us and will never leave us. Daddy don’t have to ever come back I don’t care if he don’t. I asked him why he said because you left and betrayed them. I said then the other day we were driving around looking at houses and Little Bitty ask if that was where you lived. He was first one to answer before anyone else could and said no that isn’t his house, he lives in his truck in the middle of the street and has probably starved to death or was going to starve to death but it was okay because you didn’t see them or take them or take care of them anyway. He just looked like someone had punched him in the stomach and didn’t say a word.

Then I asked him for Little Bitty’s car seat that I let him borrow because something happen to his. He told me it was his, I said oh know J across the street gave that to me and I had just bought a new one and told you that you could borrow it, it is mine. He told me it went with his truck but he could probably get it back. I said and that why the hell would you sell your truck for $500 when you are homeless and have no where to stay no way to get to a job or anything else without it? At least you could sleep in it and get to a job if you found one. He said I couldn’t pay insurance may as well of sold it than drive it get in trouble. I said well you had a good paying job if you hadn’t lost it. Maybe if you went to work more often you wouldn’t have lost it. He again said nothing. About that time his buddy came out come on come on get up come inside and started running his mouth to me telling me to leave him alone and crap. I said look I don’t know who you are and you know nothing but the lies I am sure he has told you we were talking you need to go on and stay out of it. He kept running his mouth and then says come on she has a boss lets go talk to them and get her in trouble. They went running in side like two little kids going to tattle.

I followed them right in and one of the managers was standing at the counter to take orders. I ask her to talk to her in the back she ask what was wrong they started running their mouth I was beyond mad at that point. I threw my arm out their way and pointed right in the ones face and said him, I have no idea who he is, I have never seen him before in my life. I pointed at Father of the Year and said that, that is my ex husband who dissipated about 3 months ago and cut off all contact and support for his kids. I said we were outside talking and he came out and started and now he wants to talk to my boss and get me in trouble as he put it. I said pretty sorry for the father of his children who has nothing to do with them and who supports them in no way shape or form to try to get his children’s mother fired knowing she is the only one who takes care of them and supports them and only income coming into the home.

The dinning area was full of people there were people standing around waiting to order and for their orders and the kitchen right there was full of people too. At that point I did not care he wanted to go along with his buddy and run in there to try to get me fired then you can bet I am going to let them all know just what you are and how you are and how this fucker who don’t even know me or anything is going to get in the middle of something and start. They don’t want to be called out for the low lives they are then they shouldn’t of went in and started. She told me to go to the back she would take care of it. I went back to the break room and in a minute they got their food and left.

Later she came back for her break and I was standing there cooking and cleaning at the grill I asked her so what happens if they decide to call higher up and complain. She said you are a young lady they are two grown men coming in here starting on you it is abusive two of them to start on you. She said they are not going to look to highly of that. She said they are tress passing this is your job so they are in the wrong there and you were off the clock so what can really be said you were on your own time. She said don’t worry about it they aren’t going to get you fired. I told my GM who was there what was going on as well and everything and if she could ask them not to come back there. She said not over this one time thing but if they came back and started again then yes she could and would.

Yes I went out and was talking to him it may not have been a wonderful conversation or the best but how well or nice would you expect after all that he has done. We were talking we were not loud or fighting or anything like that just talking. When his buddy came out and started in on me he was loud and rude and cussing and things. Before that no one would have known anything was wrong or going on if they walked by unless they stood there and tried to hear what was going said or going on. So no we had no problem and he had no problem util his buddy came out. It wasn’t like he was being held there or could not leave or have gotten up and went back inside on his own or gotten in the truck if he wanted too. We were outside he is twice my size he could of gotten up and walked away at anytime if there was a problem he didn’t.

See I knew he was homeless still and couldn’t pay for a motel room anymore like they had been staying in and that he lost his job and sold his truck because I found out about a month ago maybe. She went to her ex’s again they were walking she told him that he had lost his job, sold his truck for $500 spent $60 to get to the motel room and the rest on the room for the week and now they had no where to go. She wanted to use his phone and get a number from him to call a friend of hers to see if they could sleep in her shed for the night. Since then no one has known where they were. They had stayed a night or two at her aunts but that was all we knew from there. We didn’t know if they were still staying there or that he went back to work or nothing. She had not come back by his place.

It had at that time been less than 10 weeks since they pulled all this and left. He had lost his job, sold his truck for nothing, still had no phone or place to stay and now didn’t even have money for a motel. I said that is pretty bad when I have me and 4 kids to take care of and do for and need a lot more to provide for than he does and I am doing it on my own. But he can’t do it for just his self or him and her, when he was making 3x more a week than I make in two weeks. Just goes to show that when he says oh we had this and that and how he made sure we had what we needed and was such a great provider for us that he wasn’t the one keeping track of the money and making sure we had what we needed.

I have seen a few different guys from his job come in the last few days but not him or the guy that came in with him on Tuesday. If he knew I worked there like he let on he thought I wasn’t working that day because my truck wasn’t there and he was wrong. I just left on break like I never do the few times I have gotten a break. Most days I work right through with no break at all. I don’t think he will come back in there at all now knowing everyone knows how he is and what is going on.

I can not even explain how he looked sitting there that day. At first he looked like there was hope that maybe we could go back to how things were I tolerated him and let him come around to see the kids and things. Then when I said yeah I heard and all that he just looked like he had no hope of ever having or doing better again. He look like all reason to live was gone, maybe I should feel sorry for him, sad or what but I do not feel anything but that he is getting what he deserves after everything he has put me and my kids through and what he is still doing to them. I talk to another friend I had not seen or talked to in years and she said she didn’t know we were not together and that she seen him the other day walking not to far from my house with no shoes or nothing and that she was wondering what was going on and thought he looked homeless then. My mom keeps saying how sad it is, I’m like no it’s not sad at all I don’t feel bad for him at all. He has done it all to himself and cares about no one but himself and now he has done to himself what he has done and tried to do to everyone else. What goes around comes around.

It was funny there is an older lady who comes in at opening and works til 9. She came over to me on her way out and ask who was bothering who? I said an abusive ex husband starting with me. She said yeah I had one of them too, just pray about it really hard he has a way to make it all work out for you. She said I prayed really hard about mine and 6 months later he was dead. I said well I tell you I been praying too maybe if we both do something will happen so you just pray real hard with me. She said well okay I will honey.

That is pretty much what is going on with Father of the Year all this time. Oh and he told me to message his whore if I needed him about the kids. I tried to message her when I found out about the truck, job and all that and she has me blocked as well so how am I supposed to tell him anything through her even? Not that I was going to, but it’s the point that this is how I am supposed to get a hold of her and then they cut that off too. I have changed nothing so he can’t say I am keeping them from him or he can’t get a hold of me. Even little bitty’s dad can’t say he couldn’t contact me because he could message me or call me as well because I still have the same number all these years later. I have had the same number the last 7 years so no one can say they can’t get a hold of me because anyone that really wanted too could.


{July 20, 2017}   Settling in My Job

I have been at my new job for about 6 weeks or a little longer. I just got my third pay check and we get them every two weeks. I worked a week I think and didn’t get one. When I first started I hated it, it is probably a understatement really. It was a fight every day not to walk out or explode on this one “manager” I have never seen a place that had so many managers for one room of people at one time. They are tripping over each other and no two know what any one of the others are doing. There was these two that are just on a power trip and the one looks for shit to come tell you about, like your stupid or don’t know. I haven’t had to work with her since about the first week to much and things have gone good, the last few days she has been back and it’s all I can do to not say something to her.

I am in the kitchen and on the grill 98% of the time. It was horrible at first I stood there with sweat pouring off me it was so hot and dealing with the witch on top of it and not knowing what I was doing and trying to keep up and make sure all the food was cooked right and put in the right places. Plus a bunch of us started at the same time and so there was no one really to ask if you had questions and everyone you worked with wanted things done different even though there is supposed to be one way to do them. If you said anything or question anything they tell you no so and so was wrong or this is how you do it, it isn’t the “right” way but this or that is why.

Now I work with mostly guys other than the GM and a few other mangers and they just tell you were to work for the day and let you be unless you have a question or you just really screw something up or do something wrong and even then they talk to you not just bark orders or talk at you. The guys are all pretty nice they all talk and joke around and they are willing to help if you need something or have a question if you you question what they say they explain why they don’t get nasty or act like you shouldn’t ask why. They all help do the harder stuff like lifting the big things or they will come by take my trash if it is getting full and I am to busy to get to it. They don’t question me or watch me like a hawk because they know I know what I am doing if I am not where I am supposed to be there is a reason, I am getting more product, cleaning or helping one of the others if I am not busy and that I don’t push my job off on others or not do it and that I don’t just stand around and try to slide out without doing things. I am always doing something or looking for something to do. The other week I mopped and went to dump the water and one of them guys was doing something where we dump it I stood there and waited until he was done so that I could dump it and put the stuff up. He said wow your waiting to dump it. I said yes I have to put it up and things. He said well thanks most the others go oh your doing that and in there anyway just take care of this when your done and walk off. The trash and other things are the same. They see that I don’t and hardly ever ask for help unless I just can’t do it so they are more willing to help me or take the trash or say they are busy I dump it or go get this or that if I need it. They don’t do it for the others there if it isn’t a manager and even a lot of them they don’t unless they tell or ask them too. They don’t offer to or just do it.

I applied at the bank but didn’t get called for the second interview so I didn’t get that. I was told I may be going full time at my second job come September. Since I found that out and things have kind of calmed down at work, oh and they fixed the air in the kitchen so we are not dying back there, I am kind of thinking about just sticking it out here until then instead of starting somewhere else for just a few months or less and then leaving to go over there.

My friend told me they are trying to open a hop in Georgia and that if they do they want me to work there full time because he will be going back and forth between here and there and wants someone he can trust here to handle things because he don’t and can’t trust the guys on their own. It isn’t a good idea to leave the guys to work and run the office. I am still going there two days a week, was going on Monday when I had off and then after work a day for a few hours. But they have me on every day now but I am off by 2 once in a while I am there until 3. I just go from there over to the shop and do what needs to be done a couple days a week.

He ask me to come in and work a full day the Friday before the 4th of July and then I was off the Monday before the 4th so I told him I could work half a day because I had somewhere I had to go in the afternoon. He was glad I was able to go in they had went a way to the mountains for the week. He had people coming to pick up cars and they had to pay with cash or check and he wanted me to collect the cash and things.

The next week I was there and a guy came in to make a payment and was telling him he been in the week before and made one. I seen the guy come in and the one guy had come in with him and just wrote something on a paper and gave him. Not in the book or anything. They went back outside. I thought I am pretty sure he made a payment but he didn’t give me any money to put in the drew and I was the only one with a key to it. I thought maybe I was wrong and he was writing something else down for him.

Well the guy was telling the boss he made it and he was telling him he didn’t get it told him he needed to see his receipt and the guy told him he just wrote something out on paper, he told him he would find it and bring it back in and left. I told him the guy was there when he said and what he said happen. I also told him I thought it was odd that K had not given me money to put up when he left. He told me that the bank deposit for the day was $100 short as well and then this guys money. He told me that he been somewhere over the weekend and K had his wallet and he was missing money out of it. He went out and ask him and he swears he called and ask him to borrow it and he told him he could. Boss said he never told him the guy came and never called and ask him to borrow any money. He said I know he didn’t call me because he will never come to me face to face and ask for it or call me he will send me a text and ask me and I do not have any messages from him either. We went over what came in and everything, because I had went to the store too, he told him I must of spent more at the store or something when he ask him about the money he knew was missing. Said I must have forgot to put it back in there. I needed to print some things and there was no paper at the office so I was talking to my friend and I told her after the guys has went to lunch I was going to run pick mine up and some printer paper up and come back. She said that would be fine and then sent me a message and said he told her to tell me to use money I had collected to get the paper. The smallest bill was $20 so I took it and went to the store. I bought the paper and took the change and the receipt for it and put it back in the with the rest of the money. I knew he didn’t care and wasn’t worried about it but I didn’t want anything said like what was being said. I figured he put it with the ones for expenses for the shop as well. But if I didn’t think or bring it wasn’t a big deal. I said I spent x and the one guy came in paid cash and was $10 short said he would get back with you and bring it in so that was about $15 but he already accounted for all that. He said no he got it I know he did and he is going to pay it all back. I am thinking he isn’t going to be there that much longer.

But over all everything is going good with both jobs and I think I am going to stay at McD’s for at least the next month or two until they see if they are going to get this off the ground this time and make a go of it. He was going to do it a while back I guess and the guy that was supposed to do it with him and work in the one why he went back and forth backed out. Now he is looking at doing it now since he has me there that he can bring on full time and know he don’t have to worry about here when he is up there for a week or two. I can do pay everything, place orders, keep everything updated and handle things that come up. His wife said she could do it but she don’t really want to and has to go out three times a day to pick up and drop kids off plus do things at school and things for and with them. I could still do things for the kids and with them at the school because she would be there to fill in if she needed too and if not the guys could handle it a few hours or a day here and there. We just have to get one we both agree to handle collecting money and not give anyone else access to it other than the three of us and it would be okay. It’s just to much for them to do all the time and all the other stuff he needs done and that goes into being there all the time. If I had to I could even take one of the kids with me if they couldn’t go to school or something and I had to be there or they were off and wanted to come hang out for a while. He is so very easy going and laid back and really don’t care as long as the job is done like he said.

Only thing that sucks right now is the pay at my main job and there really is no hope of a raise until next year I think. But it wouldn’t really matter at this point if I did go somewhere else that paid more because I would’t have a check coming in for a few weeks or more and by the time full checks started rolling in I would be leaving to go over there full time if he does this. I am starting school in a few weeks as well and am going to have to work things around that and then work things around it somewhere else it’s just easier to stay here for now and see what happens. If this falls through he don’t do it then I will start looking for something else anyway. I still look at listings just to see if anything really good comes up that I just can’t pass up but most listings are weeks old and nothing new. If I really great office job came up I couldn’t pass up trying to get it and then if it was really good once I started working and it worked with everything else I have going on I would have then see what he was willing to pay and decide between the two what one to go with. I just hate going from job to job in such a short time even if I am trying to do better for myself.

{July 20, 2017}   A Free Minute

I can not believe it has been over a month since I was on last, I lost internet at home and just got it back on last Friday. Then I had lost the cord to my lap top and had to find it. Life has been a roller coaster of shit going on. I don’t know if I told you all or not my mom has finally moved in with us about a month ago, have see father of the year once but had a few updates on him here and there from others, still working at Mc Donald’s and the shop, hadn’t went to therapy for a month or more either until last week and this week. I am still trying to get things here settled and find a new normal since she came. We had gotten things settled and into a new normal about the time she came since I had taken on these jobs and things, but things have been turned upside down. There is so much to catch up on and that has happened I am not sure where to start and there is way to much for one pot. I am going to try to get caught up the next few days and post more often again. Not sure how long that will last with school starting back and taking on a intern or whatever they call it for school on top of my other jobs and everything else I have going on. I guess we will see how things go, play it by ear for now.

I just wanted to say I am still here and hope everyone is doing good and still around. I hadn’t abanded anyone just life gets in the way sometimes and with no service I could not do anything. I was doing the stuff I had to do at the shop but mostly just things that had to be done like school, looking for jobs or what. I can’t believe it’s 1 am right now and I am still awake and have to work in the morning. Thank God I don’t have to be there until 9 am. I can sleep until about 8 and then get up.  I am going to go write a post or two if I don’t start falling a sleep if I do I will be back tomorrow or Friday. Tomorrow is a busy day with work, getting one’s teeth cleaned and then stopping over at my other job to talk with the boss and clear somethings up.

et cetera
%d bloggers like this: