{October 16, 2017}   Sleeping Beauty

So, you know I have been talking to someone from work at the shop and he stood me up the other week. finally when I got a hold of him the next day he said he was sorry and that he was laying on the bed talking texting me and fell a sleep when we stopped talking. I now call him Sleeping Beauty. He was like I am so sorry I didn’t mean to fall a sleep, I was so tired was up late after working all day then repoed all day. I figure he must have because I know others that were trying to get a hold of him and couldn’t, they were asking me because they knew he was supposed to be with me. I just laughed told him he got scared, he says he isn’t scared. We have been talking still. I hadn’t been able to get out until this past Friday but then he had to work that night. I am not sure what to think about him. I wonder if he isn’t kind of scared, because we might get more on the subject of him and he isn’t wanting to, thinks that I may back away then. We talk and he has told me somethings but not a lot about his self or why he is where he is or anything like that. I know he has 5 kids that he says he can’t see and a grand-baby that isn’t that old. He told me about the baby the other weekend when I picked him up that morning and took him home. How his oldest had this baby and her mom or him either one didn’t know she was pregnant and she had it pretty early. She is in her teens. I said something about not hearing the boys laughing and giggling in the other room I thought they must of finally went to sleep. He made the comment he missed that. I ask how many kids he had, that is when he told me 5 but couldn’t see them. I ask why he said long story. We were texting and I didn’t push. I rather talk face to face about things like that. I did look him up and I wasn’t impressed with what I seen, I have not told him that I have looked him up. I just figured I wait until we were out and we were talking to see what he had to say about his past, kids, ex wife and things. He did tell me he was married I don’t know if he said once or twice now. But just little things here and there he tells or lets out when we will be talking about things. Like some how we got to talking something about weight and he said I use to be a big teddy bear. I said really, he said yeah and something about he wish he still was or liked it better when he was. I ask why he said he just feels strange now at the size he is. I said I was always small until I had kids and health problems and that although I didn’t care about how I looked or what others thought, that i was just very uncomfortable being bigger and don’t feel good when I am bigger. I feel so much better and more energy when I am smaller.

The things I seen when I looked him up I just don’t know about. My friend says she heard this and that about him and things. I said yes but he been in trouble x,y, and z times for the same thing. Not like it was a one time thing. I understand shit happens okay but a year or more apart and three times. I don’t know about that. He knows a lot about my past and what I went through with Father of The Year. And what I went through with RC, what I am going to school for, where I am doing my internship and all that. I wonder if he isn’t worried that when his past comes up I’m not going to stop talking to him and just act like he is a horrible person. I wouldn’t act like he was a horrible person or stop talking to him. But like I said in my other post, I am not sure where or if this is going anywhere or if I want it to. I won’t lie part of it is because of his past.

Oh and it was so funny we were talking about going out this weekend and he says to me, if we don’t go out this weekend don’t say anything to boss because he was pissed off at me last week. I said what? Why? Why does it matter what he knows? Thinking maybe the boss said something about us talking. I didn’t think so because when I was talking to my friend she said she asked him if he thought that he would be a decent guy or a good guy for me to go out with, and he said yes. He told her he was decent, good with kids, loved kids and how good he was with their son when he is at the shop and things. I couldn’t figure out why he would say that. I ask him what and why he still hasn’t said. I ask my friend or said something to her and she said she didn’t know what all was said. Just that she knew he said something to him about not doing me that way and standing me up and me and her being friends. I don’t know what was really said because he don’t tell her everything and he didn’t say he just said I will tell you later. I wonder if maybe he is worried about boss saying something if we did go out and something happen or we decided not to anymore. But if it is I don’t know why and would like to know if something was said. Because he shouldn’t be worried about boss saying anything about anything between us. I wouldn’t expect him to or think he should just because we are all friends. Whatever happens or don’t happen is between me and him outside work nothing to do with work. Other than everyone knows we are talking. But that is a given, I am not even sure how they all know unless he has said something to them about it or in front of them other than the one he lives with he has probably talked to him and I know he did talk to boss but that is it. But the other one lives with the boss so he has probably heard if him and my friend were talking about it or what. Who knows everyone knows everyone’s business around here. I really don’t care anymore. I also wonder if part of it is because he has said something about coming back here and watching a move or having some drinks and I have basically told him he can’t. Whatever we do has to be away from my house because of the kids, I made the comment to my friend that I didn’t want him meeting my kids anytime soon or them knowing about him. I know she said something to her husband about it. It came up later when she was telling me that she ask him what he thought about the guy from work and me and if he be okay. She told him I didn’t want anyone meeting the kids and things and he said yeah but all that might change or will change if I meet someone that I really cared about or was interested in and things. I said no it wouldn’t because my kids have been through enough with their dad, and RC. They don’t need to be brought into something that I have no idea where it is going or if it is going anywhere. He has told me he would come and help me do things around the house and she has said I should ask him about helping with a few things. But then the kids would be here. I said that is fine, he can come over to the house to help with stuff, he can meet my kids even. But that is it, he is there as a friend from work that is helping get something taken care of around the house nothing more. They do not have to know we are talking or if we are anything more than friends. My “friend” that I have had for years and baby sat his kid and everything else for has been to my house, I have taken him places given him rides to work and everything else. My kids or his kid has no clue we are anything more than friends. We don’t have to be all over each other or holding hands, kissing, hugging or anything like that if he is he fixing things or even if he came over for dinner or to watch a movie or something. They know that I have friends that come help with things or to just hangout sometimes. I use to have friends over to do things all the time for me I would cook them dinner for helping or fixing whatever it was or buy smokes for them. Sometimes they would hang out and play cards or watch a move. It would be nothing new to them and I wasn’t talking to or seeing any of them. Just like my little one telling me he was looking for a new daddy or that we needed a new daddy. I don’t need to bring someone around from the first time we go out not knowing if or where it is going to go when they are in that frame of mind. It just cause more problems if it don’t work out or what. Why I say 8 months or so down the road things are good we may talk bout telling the kids.

I better get off here it is after 130 in the morning I have to be up and at work by 9 and get little one to school before hand. It is going to be a long day.

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