Single___Parent___Life











{November 19, 2017}   A Long Day and Night

I just woke up in a horrible funk today, feeling very depressed and down. I woke up at 9 am something and by 10 I was already thinking about starting to drink for the day. I have not drunk in a long time but I wanted to and I wanted to right then and there and to just drink for the day. I cried and cried I put somethings on line people were asking what was wrong and then one of the teachers from Little Bitty’s school messaged me. I talked to her a little bit about the mess and what was going on and things. She did bring up a decent job that I maybe able to get. She said her husband had helped a few people from the school or parents get on. She was going to talk to him about it. I am waiting to hear from her about that because I think it would be a pretty decent job. I am pretty sure it is considered a government job as well. I could transfer it out of here to somewhere else if I wanted to move. I may not be able to move as soon as I wanted too and it has nothing to do with the field I am looking into going into, but if it is a decent job and good pay I would stay here until I could transferred so that I would know I had a job when I got ready to move and it would make the move easier and getting a place and things. I could work it until I was settled and found something else that was as good. I hope he is able to get me on and I can start soon. Even if I start now it is going to be a bit before I get pay coming in but I could work it out and make it happen.

I tore my room apart and cleaned it somewhat. I took the broom to the fans and cleaned the dust and things off. I wiped down the walls they were a mess. Moved all that could be moved and cleaned and mopped the floors good. I had my oldest help me told her I would pay her when I started working again so if she would just help me get it done.

I was still in a funk and spent most the day crying and trying to hold it together and just not care or feel anything like the last week or so but it didn’t work. I had so much built up inside I could’t stop crying even when I tried. Now I am sitting here and it is one thirty am and I am wide a wake, my head is hurting and I am supposed to be doing homework so that I can do some things tomorrow and not be sitting her in the house all day. I don’t have any money but would like to get out and do something for a while get the kids out of the house.

I can really tell that I need to go back on some kind of medication. I just can’t find time to go to the doctor to get it and don’t feel like doing anything. I need to go back and talk to the therapist as well I think.



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