{November 19, 2017}   Can I Come Over?

As if I wasn’t stressed and in a bad mood already I get a text from the guy I talk to from work. We don’t talk like we did when we first started talking we talk here and there but that is it really. We have talked some through the week and yesterday we were all standing around the shop talking for a long time while they were working and trying to get things done before the weekend. But then last night I text him because I thought of something I wanted to ask him. I just text hey and he said laying down. I said okay and didn’t send anything back. I though it was odd because most the time he talk he is always laying down or in his room when he is home. Things are not going good there still just getting worse so he stays in there most the time. But then someone picked him up from work yesterday one of the guys said something about his girlfriend or what. I don’t care because we haven’t really been talking anything like that in a while. When he didn’t say anything back I figured he was with her or she was over so I never said anything.

Then about 5 tonight I have the house flipped upside down and tore to hell trying to get everything fixed and straight here once and for all. I get a test that says what are you doing tonight? I just said nothing, right away I get a test back that says can I come over? I looking around me thinking of all times you want to come over now is when you want to come over. I said um when? Why? and sent then sent a laughing thing. He didn’t answer for a bit I said what’s up? I am trying to figure out if he is on his way here for some reason, if he is wanting me to come get him like right now or soon or what. He still didn’t answer, I finally said I don’t care if you come over do you need a ride? He then said he was still at work. I guess that is why he was taking so long to answer. I know there was a to do about work today and things have not been going great there lately either because of the way things are where he is staying. It’s a guy from the shop who’s house he is staying at. They aren’t getting along at home or work now. I ask him if he would help me move something when he came over he said yes. I told him to let me know when he got off, I still didn’t know what was going on why he wanted to come over, how he was getting here or nothing. But I didn’t message him anymore because I knew he was at work and I just don’t mess with people when they are at work. I know he can use his phone as long as they aren’t on it all day or what.

Couple hours later I ask him what he was doing why they were working so late. He said he just got home was having a drink with the guy next store. I said nice I been fighting the erg to drink since about 10 am. He said come over. I told him I could’t he was supposed to be coming over here and he didn’t say anything. In few minutes I decided to take a ride and pick up some pallets someone was giving away so the kids can hopefully do their Christmas decorations they do. I wanted to go get them because when people have them they snatch them up for bonfires and things. I messaged him ask him if he wanted to take a ride. I figured he could get the 3rd seat out of my truck and help me load them. He ask where to and said he hadn’t even gotten a shower yet. I said to X and told him why. That I wasn’t leaving my house for at least 20 minutes or more. I was cooking dinner for the kids and I wanted to finish it and get them sat down to eat. He said if I can stand up because he was drinking fast. I said well stop and get your ass ready and laughed. He never responded never responded in a little bit, didn’t respond when I ask if he was going or when I called him. I figured maybe he was in the shower, I went to get gas because I didn’t even know if I had enough to get to his house much less where we had to go and back. He still had not responded so I called my friend and ask her if one of the guys would help me get the seat out of my truck if I came to her house. She said yeah they were on their way home and to come over. I said well I thought I had help and I guess I don’t.

I got there they took the seat out and she rode with me to get them. We went got them dropped them off at my house and then was headed back to her house to drop her off and get the seat and put back in. Why we were standing around there and they were messing with the seat and things before we left I text him and said, so what happen between earlier and now? I thought about it for a few minute I said what are you so scared of? Well? This point I have already had a fucking miserable day and now he is going to contact me and think he is going to play games tonight lets do this or can I come over and pull this shit. Nope I’m say something. He always saying I’m not scared, I’m not scared of nothing. I figured that get him, I was ready to go off. I told her he probably going say I fell a sleep blah blah bullshit.

We got up the street from my house he sent a message, I’m not scared I’m so fucking depressed I’m loosing it. I have know by things he has said since we started talking and this past week he told me he been having problems and that he thought it was depression. We talked a little bit then. One reason when he ask to come over I said yes. I figured he was going to say lets go do something or what. Then he ask to come over I knew something was up. I said yeah, I figured I was going to be home anyway, I was already in a mood all day maybe hanging out talking would be good for both of us. It get him out of the house for a while and things.

I told him I had just finished getting the pallets and was out why didn’t he come over for a little bit get out of the house. I told him I was riding around and close to where he was I could pick him up. I didn’t tell him I was with my friend or that I was on my way to her house. She lives not far from him so I would be close to him and could of picked him up. He said he was okay and ask what I was doing tomorrow? I told him I didn’t know yet hadn’t decided. I ask him why he was lying I knew he wasn’t okay, why he wanted to know what I was doing tomorrow? But he never answered again.

I been thinking about going to the park or the flea market or something to get the kids out of the house. I don’t care if he wants to ride with us. I told the kids tonight that a friend might come over for a while, because I was trying to get things picked up better before. Really it’s true he is a friend. I like him think he is a decent guy but he is going through a lot of shit right now and more than I know because there is a lot of other stuff aside from his living and work that he is dealing with. Coming up on the holidays I am sure it isn’t easy. I am not interested in anything more with him if he is seeing other people or what. He needs to get things straightened out for himself before he decides to be with anyone rally. But I don’t mind being a listening ear someone to talk to and just being a friend. Maybe that is why we have crossed paths not for anything more. I am just tired and fed up with every thing else I don’t even know if I want to meet someone or not again.

sounds like he is struggling. glad you were there for him. x

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