{December 2, 2017}   A Horrible Thursday

Let me tell you Thursday was a really bad day for me, I spent most the day crying from about the time I got up until late evening. Wednesday night wasn’t much better. I do not even know what started it. I just had that thick, heavy, being smothered feeling all day. I was supposed to go do my hours I decided to go later in the morning because all I could do was cry. I dropped Little Bitty at school called my friend to see if she wanted to go to breakfast. She said yes but she had to go take a shower first, so I met her at her house and hung out there why she got ready. As we were getting ready to leave my friend who moved a way a few months ago called me. We were taking our own cars because we all had stuff to do after so I left and talked to her on the way. I was in tears on the phone with her. I got there and they all got there at the same time. I got out and went to go in side they stopped me and wanted to know what was wrong and everything. I told them it was fine. My one friend is like no, no it isn’t I don’t like seeing you like this. She knows I don’t think she has ever seen me like that but maybe one time ever has she seen me cry. when I cry like that others see they get scared because they know that is not me and they most likely have never seen me do that before.

We went in and sat down, I didn’t even order breakfast I had bacon and bread. I was to sick to eat and didn’t want to eat, I just needed out of the house. I didn’t know what I wanted or where I wanted to go. We sat there for a while and talked after we had our food and things. My other friend started text me, my good friend as I call him. Then Starfish was texting me, I messaged them back and forth why we were all talking and that kind of helped to take my mind off things some.

But I still broke down and cried when I got to the place to do my hours. I talked to them a little and then we got to work. I don’t know what it is I know part of it was dreading going there to start with but I don’t know why because I am not even dealing with clients just data entry. I don’t know what was wrong with me. I hate that feeling. I just want to leave and get away from everything. I don’t even want to drive or anything. I just want to open the door walk away and just keep walking. I don’t know where I want to walk to or why but I just feel like I need to get away. I know that is all it is but I don’t know why walking is better than driving. I just wish I could feel better. I hate feeling that way. I am going to also have to go get my medications fixed and get back on something because I can’t do this on my own I don’t think. It is so hard I can tell that the medication helps a lot. I am just so tired of fighting and that is just something else i am having to fight over right now and it is the last thing I should have to fight over at this point. That is one thing I kept thinking and saying to them too Thursday, I’m tired, so very tired of fighting over everything and for everything. I just want some things to be easy for a change. But I don’t think I am going to ever have easy in my life in any shape or form.

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