{December 14, 2017}   Why He’s Nerves

Today I had to go down and finish my hours for school, I ended up getting out earlier than I expected so I am home taking advantage of an empty house. But on my way home I was thinking about somethings that were said last night and over the last few weeks. Just everything going on in general, I think best when I am stuck doing something that I don’t have to think about like driving.

I was thinking about what all that has been going on with him that it had calmed down and now last night it starting again or trying to. Yesterday when I was at work his old roommate ask me if I worked today and I told him no I was going to do my hours. He said he had a letter from the post office at his house that he needed to come down get the letter. He said he just get a hold of him later and get with him to give it to him since I wouldn’t be back until Friday. Later the owners friend the cop came up and was hanging out. I don’t know why I just had this thought that something would be started. I didn’t say anything just did my job.

Last night my friend the bosses wife wanted me to go to the store with her, I told her I go but only for a few minutes to run in get what we needed and get out not walking around looking forever. She came over we all sat here talked and joked around and then we left. We walked outside she got to the truck she said I have to tell you some bad news. I said I don’t want to hear it I’m staying here, I am done with bad news, why did you wait until now to tell me? She said just get in the truck I have to talk to you. I did and she starts telling me that her husband my boss talked to his cop friend when he was there yesterday and that he said that Starfish has a warrant. I said no he isn’t supposed to have one he has a court date for next month we have to go to. She then tells me that it is for not paying fines the amount of the fines (I have no idea the amount) all this other stuff. I am starting to think this could be something she knows to much. She said not to tell him check it out first and see if it was true and things. I said no I am telling him he needs to know anything could happen between now and me being able to check it out. She said you don’t want to stress him. I said no but if it was me I would be pissed if someone didn’t tell me and I do not want him to feel like I am keeping things from him or doing something behind his back. I will sit down and talk to him when I get home. We can work it out and if there is figure out what we need to do. I also ask her if they told the cop where he is staying? She said she didn’t think so. I said if they did and that comes to my door I am going to be very pissed and job or no job I am saying something and shit will hit the fan. She said I understand and to talk to the boss alone and have him talk to his friend let him know we are trying to set it up so he can turn himself in and that he would get with them but to please not to come to my door. It isn’t a big deal if it is like he says it is a mix up with where money he sent in was applied to what. But until he gets to court he can’t really fix it. He don’t have a drivers licences, he does repossessions and got caught driving without it. He ended up with fines and 6 months probation. He was happy the other week telling me he was done he paid what he had to pay to be done with it and everything. Then the officer called said he didn’t pay the probation fee. since he didn’t have to go in he mailed everything in on one money order. Part of it went to fee’s part of it went to fines. We think they applied all of it to fines and not the right amount to the fee. We are working on getting the pepper work to see. But he called today and they said he does not have a warrant he is fine just come to court on the 9th and he would be fine. He told them he wanted to turn himself in and get it taken care of and everything. They said there was nothing there to worry about. So now we are trying to figure out what the hell they are trying to pull and start now.

But I was also thinking about the way he has been in genreal and things and him talking about being so nerves and not knowing why. I was thinking about things he said about past relationships and things. He talked about how he always worked what his ex wives had and the kids and things. How that wasn’t good enough because they did this or that. How his ex here did him and things. He made the comment to me the other day about this job and wanting to take it but not feeling like he was good enough or could do it because of how everyone always talked to him and done him even though he took care of them and did for them and things. I was trying to figure out what would make him feel the way he does about me. I’m not like that and things. It hit me, I think he is nerves because he isn’t “needed” or “expected” to take care of everything, give me every whim I decide I want or make sure everything is paid. He knows I do it I have been and I bust my ass to make everything work out, I don’t sit back and look for handouts everywhere or do nothing about what needs to be done. He is not use to that, he knows I don’t need him here in those ways so he has to be here in other ways. Like he said before he worked over 50 or 60 hours a week was hardly every home to give them the things they wanted. He didn’t have to really engage with them because he wasn’t there. Where as I rather him here than working all the time and having everything. I know how to get what I want and what we need without him doing that. I am not worried about working I will work to and want to work. Where as they didn’t work he did it all. He isn’t use to that, he is use to not being around and just working. This week he has worked until late but one so far and not sure when he will be off tonight. I haven’t said anything because I he needs the work and wants the work so he is doing what he has to, to keep it. It’s okay once in a while but I don’t want it to be an all the time thing. But we both know we have a lot going on and need the money right now. I a just waiting for things to calm down all around.

My friend keeps saying he keeps telling her husband that he needs to bring him back as well because he was one that worked he could trust and that he shouldn’t have listen to the other guy and let him cause all these problems knowing he has caused problems with everyone and he should have been out a long time ago. I just don’t know what is going to happen and don’t trust that either one of us would have a job that we could count on lasting. It would just be money for now while it lasted but nothing to depend on as a full time this is it job.

I have an hour until the kids get home I think I am going to lay down take a little nap and then get up make dinner and clean the house some before he does get off. This cold weather has me all out of sorts and tired all the time.

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