{January 10, 2018}   A Decent Guy

Why are men so dense? I don’t get it, I have been talking to this guy since the night of my birthday and he seems clueless. We have not met just talked on the phone but he is good friends with some of my close friends and family. He has been through a lot with his ex wife and divorcing. They haven’t been together for a year or more and he is just waiting for the court date to finish the divorce.

At first we were just talking and joking around that night I was out for my birthday with my friends. My friend started messaging him and then I sent him a message. We had messaged each other once months ago. He messaged me out of the blue over something another friend of ours had said on line. But that was it. But when we were out the other night we were all joking and she was saying stuff to him and things. I messaged him told him I don’t know what she is saying but she is drunk so don’t listen to her because god only knows what she is telling you I said. She is trying to get us together. She has told me about him for a while now. But I wasn’t interested at the time. I wasn’t looking really and busy. She will say some out there stuff and say stuff joking but others don’t know she is joking or not sure where she is going with things sometimes and when she is drinking for get it. Since we have been texting and he started calling me in the evenings when he gets off work and gets home.

He seems like a really nice guy who has been through hell with his divorce, that has left him hurt and dealing with things. He found out about things she was doing behind his back, like getting credit cards and charging $50,000 worth of stuff and getting loans and things. She hid it all, he had no clue until he went to try and buy them a house and they told him he couldn’t because of all his debt. They stayed together he paid it off and was trying to work it out but she then up and decided she was going to leave anyway. There was more as well but I don’t know what all. He told me I just don’t remember it all we have talked about so much in such a short time. Most the time is when we can get away from the kids and talk for a few here and there until they need one of us.

At first there was some joking around about sex and things when we were all talking and then after when we were messaging. A few times I kind of was bothered by it, not what was said or that we were talking or joking about it but just that it seemed excessive. I said to him your not offering what I am looking for. Something was said again later when a few of us were talking together and I told him again but that isn’t what I am looking for your not offering what I am looking for. Talking about sex. I am not rushing into anything with anyone again. Later he told my friend he didn’t think I was interested I had told him a few times I like to meet and get to know each other and things.

A day or two later we were talking and he said I need to say something and I just want to be honest with you and I hope that’s okay. I said of-course I would hope you would be honest with me about whatever it is. He said no but I am sorry if I offended, you with anything I have said and I hope that you don’t have a bad idea or picture of me or who I am and what I am about. He said we all started out the other night joking around and the last few days and I think it went to far. I should of never went there and let it go that far. I said no I don’t I understand and I think we all said somethings that got switched up and miss understood. He said something about me saying he wasn’t offering what I was looking for and things. I explained to him what I meant by that and told him that I would still like to get together and meet get to know each other and see where things go. We talked some more and have since.

We never set any set plans. He works 50/60 hours a week and has his kids from Friday night to Monday. He can’t leave them because his parents don’t want to watch them even if they are sleeping. The time he gets off it was cold and raining out and he have to go home get cleaned up and been in the cold and things all day so I hadn’t really pushed it or tried to set anything up. I don’t have money right now either to just say hey lets meet here or there and just hang out and talk. I know he would pay but I still want to have my own money and things when we go.

I think I am going to ask him if we wants to get together go walk down the beach or by the river tomorrow why it is warm. It is going to be cold again this weekend and he will have his kids. I have mine but my older two can watch the younger two. His kids are to young to stay alone they are only like 3 and 8/9.

But he still said to my friend he don’t know if I am interested and that he don’t think I am. I don’t know what else I can do, I thought telling him I still like to get together and do something and things he would get it. But I guess not, guys can be so dense sometimes I swear. I think too he might be afraid. He has talked to me a lot about what he went through with his ex wife and how that everyone says they want a good guy and someone that will treat them good but when he tries they aren’t interested in him, he gets shot down. I think a lot of it is because he is trying way to hard and he is so lonely because he hasn’t dated since his divorce and separated. I don’t know it is hard to explain. I know when my friend first told me about him I was like um nope, no thank you, he has issues. But after talking to him he seems okay just been through a lot and trying to work through what he has been through and still going through dealing with his ex.

He has a good job, he don’t go out and party all the time, he isn’t into drinking and drugs. He have a drink but not every day or all the time. His kids come first he is all about making sure they have what they need and taking care of them. He just wants someone to be with and to talk care of, someone to be there for him, because of him not because what he is doing or giving them. He hasn’t been into any kind of trouble or anything like that.

He is like I am over games, over people only here for the here and now and only for what they can get or are getting. Just want to meet someone decent and be happy someone that understand he has kids and will accept them as well. That he don’t have to worry about them around his kids. He isn’t running around with just everyone that comes along or whoever will talk to him. He really looking for someone who is decent. He wants someone that wants to go to church and take the kids to church and do things with them but also to have time alone and go out.

He seems like one of them to good to be true kind of things. I keep saying that to myself but then at the same time maybe it isn’t, maybe for once something good is going to happen for me. But at the same time I am scared as hell because I don’t want to put myself out there and be hurt again like I was with R.C.  But I also know if I don’t put myself out there I am never going to meet anyone and he is a lot better off in a lot of ways than most the guys I have meet or that have been talking to me. He isn’t that much older than me. He is going to be 41 in July. so about 3.5 years. The other one I was talking to was 44 and one of the others was 50. I don’t want someone that is 50 or someone with grown kids and grand kids already. Not that there is anything wrong with either one, hell you know I have 4 of my own. But I like his kids are younger like mine. I like to meet someone with younger kids or kids closer to my kids ages so that we can form a relationship or what and the kids hopefully could too. Where when they are grown and they have kids of their own it is a little harder and probably not going to happen really.

I think I am going to talk to him tonight just tell him you know what lets meet see how things go. I know you said you didn’t think I was interested but I am. I’m not going to lie I’m scared putting myself out there so maybe I have sent mixed signals so I am putting it out there. You asked if this and that was something I am interested in let you know so I am letting you know yes I am. Just see how it goes from there.

I just hope that he understand that I don’t want him to meet the kids for a little while and that I don’t mind he has kids but I don’t want to meet them either for a while. I think he will but I don’t know with him. He was talking about another girl he was talking to and how they did stuff and her kids liked him and things. But I don’t know how long they have been talking and I think they are more friends than anything else. He wanted more but she really don’t. I am to the point I don’t want my kids meeting friends or someone I am interested in as more for a while. I let them meet Starfish and he was just a friend and look what he done. They had gotten to know him liked him and was disappointed when he did what he did and didn’t come back.

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