Single___Parent___Life











{January 20, 2018}   Just Friends, To Broken For More

 

I have decided that there is nothing there more than friends with the guy I met and went out with last weekend. He is going through a really hard time dealing with things from his past and because of that we are looking for two different things. He had come over Thursday why the kids were at school and things didn’t go to well. We have still been talking and things he didn’t say to much yesterday then he messaged me this morning and called me. We talked for a little bit about the kids and things like that, he made a joke it was to deal with sex. He said I am not directing that at you just a saying this or that. I said I know. He said I have come to the conclusion or decided that isn’t ever going to happen between me and you. I didn’t say anything he went on talking.

In a little bit he asked me about Thursday if he did something wrong that upset me or offended me. I just told him no it was things I was dealing with that I thought I had dealt with already but that I was learning that I was going to have to deal with it from now on probably. That I didn’t expect to be dealing with it this soon in a relationship and that it wasn’t him I had dealt with it in the past but farther into the relationship. I had told him already Thursday evening what was going on and things. He was happy to hear it wasn’t him. But still don’t think he really understands or gets it.

But he is just to broken and it is very sad because he really cares and really just wants to find someone to love and be happy with. But he needs to really work through somethings and work on himself before he gets with someone or it isn’t going to be good. The state he is in right now if he found someone that would give him what he wants he is probably just going to be hurt again in the end because they are most likely going to take advantage of him. Because he is so caring and giving. Right now the state that he is in he we are looking for two different things. I think if he was doing better himself there could be something there. But I can’t do it where he is right now. He is looking for someone that is just in love with him from start and wants to just jump into like a ready made relationship kind of thing, like they been together for a while. I don’t want to do that and can’t with him. Because I know there is to much there that he needs to deal with and what he is wanting is pushing me into dealing with things that I can’t just jump into something like that. He thinks if he finds someone to love and to love him everything will just be okay and it won’t.

He told me about how things were with him and his ex wife and I can see where he is coming from and understand why he is in the shape he is in. Because he has never been with someone and really had a relationship. He said that when him and his ex were married she wouldn’t sleep with him, said he snored to much made him sleep in the other room. He said she wouldn’t have anything to do with him hardly ever, she tell him come on if he wanted to lets get this over with. He said she never approached him or anything like that. She was always all about her and what she wanted needed or what. He said he go in to talk to her or try to be with her she be on the phone hide it tell him to go on why was he in there and things. He said there really wasn’t any time we just lay or sit together and just talk, watch tv, sleep nothing. He said it just wasn’t that kind of relationship at all and no matter how much I did or gave her it was never enough.

You can tell when you talk to him everything is always sorry, sorry no mater what it is or if there is a reason he is always saying sorry about something. I said something to him about it, he says I just do because I feel that whatever it is isn’t good enough it should be better. I keep telling him he has to decide that if he did all he can do then it is good enough that as long as he is happy with it then it is good enough. He is one that wants everyone happy no one to be mad at him, no one to think bad of him and do everything for everyone at his expense whatever that may be.

I know how it is I use to be the same way, always keep the peace make sure everything was done and taken care of. It didn’t matter that this one or that one wasn’t doing more I make it happen it was okay we were getting by or whoever got what they needed or wanted. It didn’t matter how they treated me or what they said about me I still help them. Still make sure everyone had what they needed and was taken care of. Until I decided enough was enough and if they didn’t care about me no more than they did to treat me the way they did why did I care how they felt if I said no and didn’t help and why did I care what they thought of me because no matter what I did for them they were going to still think what they did about me and didn’t care if I was happy or needed something or I wasn’t doing for me or what I wanted to do for them. Since I have I have been much happier.

Like today he said his mom was mad because he was tired because he was up with his son all night. I said so who cares if she is? If you are talking care of him and you are not asking for their help or what then it is none of their business. As long as your kids are being taken care of and you are doing what you feel is best for your kids and you and no one is in danger or anything like that then no one has any place to say anything about what you are doing or how you do it. If you and the kids are happy that is all that matters. I said well the kids are happy and taken care of you may not be and your going to be tired and overwhelmed but that is being a parent and its still okay and don’t matter what everyone else says or think. I haven’t heard from him but I know he was dealing with all that and had to get ready to take the kids to a party he didn’t want to go to. His ex and her boyfriend are going to be there the kids were invited. He said his best friend is married to her best friend so it makes it hard.

We were talking the other day when we were out riding around something was said about working and paying bills things like that. I said how when I was trying to leave my ex could never save money because I had to take all I had and pay the rent and then ask him for any money i needed for anything the rest of the month. That when he found out I had money tucked away I had to take it all and pay the bills because he would refuse to pay anything or give me money until he knew I had spent all mine.

He looked at me funny and said you paid bills? I said yeah if I was working or had money coming in I always helped pay bills. I said I was the one who always paid them because he would spend the money if he had it. He give me his check or it go into the bank and I would pay all the bills out of it and then the money left went for whatever was needed or wanted after that. He said when I was with my ex she made 1.5 times what I made and she never paid a bill or helped with anything. He said she told me I was the guy I needed to take care of it and provide for the family it wasn’t her job.

I said no we put the money together there was no yours or mine and what needed to be paid or taken care of was taken care of any what was left we did whatever we felt like doing with it. I said even when I was with my little ones dad I paid half the rent and half the rest of the bills and helped with extra stuff that was needed and help buy food. I said with him we didn’t have a bank account together he kept his money I kept mine but we still made sure bills got paid and everyone had what was needed. I said I am sure had we stayed together we had a bank account and things together. He just looked so shocked or surprised that couples really did thing like that or what, I don’t know. Or maybe that I helped didn’t expect them to do it all and just spend mine. But I guess like he said that was how it was with him and his ex. I said you can ask so and so she knows she knows how he take my money or not give me money so that I couldn’t get out and leave. She was there and knows she knows I paid when I was with my little ones dad and that I normally have money and don’t worry about things. Because she is how I met him they are good friends too.

He knows he is dealing with things he is seeing a therapist and said he was going to be seeing someone else to try and work things out more or see what he could do. I wonder if the person he is seeing right now isn’t really helping him as much as she could be because he told me they are friends and went to school together. I hope he gets another job and insurance and is able to see someone else. That will maybe do better to help him. I want to tell him somethings but like me and my other friend that introduced us was were talking about he is really bad off right now and scared to say to much and maybe push him over the edge or to far. I was talking to her I was like please don’t tell him this stuff but you know you talk to him and I know he tells you everything but this is what is going on or went on. She said yeah she said I did not know how bad he really was, but we don’t see each other we just talk on the phone or message each other. She said he has wanted to go to lunch or meet and talk and things but I can’t do that with my husband the way he is and things. I know he is wanting more and I don’t want to go there give him the wrong idea. She said I knew he was dealing with things and talking to someone but I didn’t know it was this bad but talking to him lately and what you are saying I can see it is really bad.

Like he even said before we met up and went out he was glad that we started talking and that he hoped if nothing else we would be friends. He said I was the only one that really talked to him and understood where he was coming from and tried to help or cared. He said that he respected my input or point of view on things and that it made him think about things. I don’t mind being friend with him. If he wasn’t dealing with so much and looking for what he is looking for and was the person everyone keeps telling me he is or use to be I would have no problem dating him and seeing where things went. But he isn’t the person that everyone says he is or he use to be. He hasn’t been getting out he hasn’t been doing anything but working and taking care the the kids for a while now. He even said with dealing with everyone thing and not having time he hasn’t been hanging out he hasn’t been doing things for himself or anything. He said he needs to get back to taking care of himself again. That will go a long way for him as well. I know it has for me. Just taking the time for myself and things the last year or so now that the kids are little bigger and can stay by their self for a little bit.

I was glad today when he said he figured out or decided that there probably wouldn’t be anything between us that way. He seemed to be okay with it and just went on talking like we always have like friends. I know I didn’t come across as they described either probably but I was not comfortable with the way he was pushing for so much so fast so I kind of just shut down and was kind of short with him when we were together.

 



[…] Someone to fix is like Just Friends, To Broken For More […]



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