{March 20, 2018}   Lets Hangout

I went out last Monday and have been out two other times this week with my Old Friend. Thursday night he messaged and ask if I was ready? I said for what where we going? He said I don’t know lets go fishing? I said okay lets go. I got ready and left, it was about 10:30 pm then. But it wasn’t bad because I had the kids in bed and didn’t have to worry about them.

I go down there and he had a fire going sitting there. We sat there and talked for a while then went out to the lake. We didn’t end up going fishing, just sat down there listen to the radio and talked while the puppy ran around. I got home about three in the morning.

I don’t know what to think I like him I know he likes me, he keeps saying he don’t want to get together just hang out see how things go or if they go somewhere, said he is working on his self right now. I understand that, he said he didn’t want to hurt me or me to get hurt, then in a minute he said I don’t want to get hurt. I think he said it before he thought about what he said or he was thinking it but it came out kind of thing. Because he said right away I’m not worry about getting hurt that isn’t any big deal I just don’t want to hurt you, I’m afraid I would.

But then he says whenever you want to hang out, go do something, just come over or what hit me up we will go. We can go out on the air boat, camping fishing the woods or just make a fire and sit. Like last night we went to drop something off to his roommates grandma, he went in to drop it off then he came out told me come inside with him, he wanted me to meet someone. He said this was his roommates grandma’s house her and her son was there he was working on the pool. Her son was like his brother they were really close and how close to the family he is. Late he said yeah I don’t bring just anyone around or let everyone meet them. I never really bring anyone over to meet them. Something about bringing me there to meet them. He said they liked you. I took the grandma back to his house to pick something up that didn’t get sent when we brought the other stuff he stayed there talking to his buddy. I guess they were talking about me. I don’t know. Me and the grandma talked she was really nice she is in the mental health field like I want to go into. We were talking about that on the way over and back.

When he first started talking to me Monday I thought oh he just hitting me up talking like he has off and on for a while now and he is 200 miles or so away. Then when he asked if I wanted to go out later I was kind of nervous and not sure. Not about him just about meeting and getting together because we already know each other and things so it isn’t like there isn’t an attraction there and the underlying want for more. I want more but then the though of it and the thought that maybe this could be more in the near future hit I was like um yeah wait I don’t know about this. Not because it was him but just anyone at all. Just talking that first night and things he didn’t do anything or say anything wrong, but my mind kept wondering to well I wonder if he really means this or that, or why did he say this or that, did he just say that because of this, is he just saying that because that is what I want to hear? It’s like I can’t just take anything at face value and go with it. I second guess and look into anything and everything anyone one says now and guys even more. It isn’t just him I did the same thing with Starfish too. I just been through so much and no matter how much I work on myself and think that I am okay, I don’t know if I will ever not question or look more into and make more out of what someone says ever again. I hate being that way because it really kills things when you are talking to someone.

Oh, talking about him telling me he just wants to “hangout” see where things go and then letting em meet his friends and things like that. Like the first night we were out we were sitting there talking and he said yeah I know you like to be out on the water or by the water, I figured we could come here and sit on the deck have some drinks by the water. Talking about other things that I have said on line and things I have done and things that are on line. He is watching my page like a hawk and has been for a long time. We be talking about something and he say oh this or that happen around this or that time I seen this or that on line about it or you did this or that.

He like you are just such a cool, kick ass girl, you don’t need or wait on no man you get out there and do it. He said I see you fixing your truck or the fence is down your out there getting it back up. He said I don’t know any girls that will sit there and talk trucks and motors and know what they are talking about. He said your like yeah this is wrong and I fixed this. When he got there he was looking at my truck he was asking if it was the diesel or the 10? He said something about the 6 diesel. I said no it’s not the diesel if it was it wouldn’t be the 6 they are known for to many problems. I said I want the 7.3 when I can get it. He like its just crazy how you know all that. I said I been around cars and car repair all my life and I wanted a truck like this for a long time so I did a lot of research on them and the motors and things. I said I had the 5.4 like I have now and you can’t kill them you can run them until the truck falls down around it and you will still have a good strong running motor. Mine had over 300,000 miles on it 3 years ago when I sold it and I still see it just about every day running round town.

But I find it funny how much he has watched my page and paid attention to what I post and what I have to say. Yesterday I was mad about Father of The Year and I just post 24/7/365 nothing else. My friend the bosses wife commented on it about him and his “wife”. Well this other guy we are friends with commented on it and said I have something for you. Being crude, normally it wouldn’t have gotten to me but he says things like this on different post and tries to bring them around to something they aren’t. I was not in the mood because he isn’t to much better than father of the year when it comes to his kids.

I commented and called him out, tagged him in it, I said really so and so? I said what you have to offer you already know I am not interested and never will be, I said why you keep trying. I said but if you would like I can bring this back to what it is talking about but I can promise you it it’s going to get really ugly really fast and your not going to like it. I left it at that. Well in a few minutes I was getting messages in my in box, he was sorry he didn’t mean to make me mad, he was just trying to be funny or whatever. I ignored him then he was calling me, I ignored that for a while. He went and deleted his comment I left mine. I didn’t care, you said something you shouldn’t have. Well last night when I was out from my friend and we were at his friends grandma’s house sitting around draining the pool and talking he said oh yeah I have to ask what was that going down on line today on your post? He said he said something and you called him out and laid it out and gave it to him in just a second. I said yeah I wasn’t having no part of it. I said he keeps on and on with this crap I am not interested in him, he knows it but keeps going on my stuff making comments. I said I am tired of it and I was talking about the kids and their dads not stepping up and helping out. I said and he is the last to even want to go there with me. I said he is a “weekend worrier” I said he only has his kids on the weekend….He said I only have mine on the weekend most the time and….I stopped him and said I know and that is fine, there is nothing wrong with that. I said but there is a big difference. I said you want to have your kid, I said you take your kid and do thing with him and spend time with him show him things. I said he don’t they don’t leave the house, he ponds them off on his mother as much as he can and then complains when she gets mad and bitches about it and makes him come and do something for them. I said he feels oh he is sick it’s okay mommy should just watch them, one was up through the night it’s okay mommy will watch them he can hide in his room or whatever. I said that isn’t how it works and I said then he wants to complain to me and I am the wrong person to complain to about having them every weekend and having to take care of them and how hard it is. I said because I don’t feel sorry for him at all. I have no respect for him when he dose. I said I do it everyday 24/7/365 days a year 100% on my own no matter if I am sick, working, going to school or whatever else I maybe doing. I said then I have to also do everything they need take them every where they need to go and help them when they are sick or hurt or need help with school or anything else and it don’t matter if I am sick i still have to get up and do it. But he can’t do it from Friday after noon until he drops them off at school on Monday morning. Nope that is not a father. I said now if he did like you and I and a lot of other dads and takes care of them and does things with them and things then I wouldn’t have been so hard and said what I said but it just hits a nerve with me when it comes to people like that. He was like oh yeah I agree that is messed up. He don’t I told him about a thing down in down town that was free because he says he isn’t working or just part time and things he don’t have money why he goes and drops $100’s in a night or day on a date. But don’t take his kids anywhere get the anything or do anything for them. Then you tell him something free he has an excuse. The other day me and bosses wife took the kids to the park we told him he could bring his let them play. He said oh I’m letting mine run around the backyard right now. That is all he ever does with them. So yeah when he said that i called him out.

But my friend when he ask me about it and what was going on, I didn’t say anything just told him what was going on why it was all said. No one at all said anything he said I don’t stalk pages or anything. Your stuff is just up there for everyone to see. I thought yeah with all the friends you have you just happen to see everything that I post right ha ha. He said it like two or three times, no one said anything just went on talking. But all this but he don’t want anything more. I think like he let slip the other day he is scared of getting hurt. Like I said I was starting to freak out a little bit when I thought oh boy what if he wants more what if he wants this or that is that really what I want? Do I want to go there? What do I say if it comes up and things. When he was like lets just hang out see if or what happens something inside was like ah okay I can do this. Do you really want a relationship or is this just better all the way around. Kind of what you been doing with your “friend” but this one wants to do things go out and all that as well not just sit in the house and you go over whenever you can. Why not do it and see what happens.

He keeps telling me too, I don’t care what you do, I don’t care if you want to go out with other guys, if you end up sleeping with other guys or whatever. I can’t give you anything more or promise you anything more than just hanging out. You deserve to go out have a good time. If a guy wants to take you out to dinner buy you drinks or what you better go you deserve it and need to get out. Your hard working girl, your a good mom you should go out. If you meet one and fall in love with him, I am going to be happy for you and cheer you on. He said it will suck because I like hanging out with you and things but I’m going to back you and be there because I want you to be happy. If I can’t offer you that right now and you find it then good for you.

I was talking to my friend, I said what is all that? Date, go out, meet my friends I don’t let others meet, lets go out lets hang out, I take you anywhere you want to go, we can do anything you want to do, I will help you anyway I can. Your so pretty, beautiful, your smart, amazing independent women don’t ever let a guy tell you different or take that from you, I don’t care what they say do not ever believe them or let them tell you different.

None of it sounds like someone not looking for more. None of it sounds like someone who isn’t interested in someone. We are talking years he has been watching me and hitting me up here and there. He even was talking about way back when we were in church and noticing me. I have always liked him, he seem like a decent person fun person. We never talked a lot just how you doing about the kids or whatever at church or church functions. But nothing more we were both married. I just don’t know what to think about him at this point. It is nice because he wants to do things we have a lot of the same interest and he understand and knows I have the kids and that I have to take care of them. He even said to me one night we were talking about something. He said oh you have your babies all the time don’t you? I said yes, he was talking about going to do something. He said yeah I don’t have this or that for all them either. He said another time something about taking them doing something. He said but I don’t ever get babies involved in anything like this or bring them around. I said I don’t either I said my kids think I am somewhere else right now they have no clue where I am or how far away I even am. They think I am up the street at the store or a friends house. He said yeah it just isn’t something they should be a part of. I said I agree. He said if we wanted to do this or that I would take ya’ll show you where you could go that is safe and things be there with ya’ll if you wanted but there wouldn’t be anything between us at all no hugging kissing nothing like that, I just be there as a friend helping out or what. I said no I understand and agree with you all the way. I said I don’t even involve them like that right now. I said they got close to a couple friends in the last year and even though it was just friends when shit hit the fan unexpectedly they got hurt. I like that he is that way as well, although if it went somewhere I would want to get the kids involved at some point. But it would have to be a good 4 to 8 months in to yeah we are together and now we been together this long things are going good lets take it a little farther. With him I would probably wait at least 6 months before bringing kids into it if not closer to 8. He keeps saying he is a gyps and he don’t know how long he is going to be here but then turn around and says he is drawn home and wants to be around here and settle down for a while tired of wondering and getting property and horses. Again something else me and the kids want to do land and horses. But I know he has always been into the horses big time. He just cowboy when it comes down to it. I know that that isn’t stuff he is just saying because he knows mine and kids plan or what we want because we haven’t really ever talked about that and things. It just so much in common and same interest stuff he likes to do that I would like to do or start doing again. I just don’t know how to take him what to think he is really looking for or why he is saying what he is doing what he is. I wish I did really.

I don’t know he is hard to read and there is just something about him that I just don’t know what to think in general or over all about him. I don’t know if it is because he older than most guys I date or he has done, been through so much or what. There is just something about him that throws me off my game a little bit.

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