{April 27, 2018}   Don’t Yell at Me

I finally talked to Starfish Wednesday evening. He didn’t call me before work, I really didn’t figure he would. I knew he probably wouldn’t be home yet. I messaged him later that evening told him I got off at 7 to call me then. That way I could talk on the way home. Not have everyone on top of me listening. About the time I walk in the door my phone was rining. I walked outside answered him.

We talked a little, couldn’t even tell you what about. I ask him what was going on? Where he had been and everything.

He said that boss messaged him wanted him to go get him something. Told him he give him more money if he go do it. So he says he went with his brother and his girlfriend to get him what he wanted. He says the 3 of them were sitting in the car and got robbed by 3 guys. They took their phones and all their money. From there he went to his other family members house stayed until he got home sometime yesterday. He tells me they figured out who the guys were they went to ones house and they ended up gettinf their phones back. But his moneys gone his arms hurt and all this.

He telling me this is crazy, this is bullshit, I’m not doing this no more, I can’t live like this risk my life doing this shit. I said good I hope you really mean it and stick to it. This is a wake up call for you.

In a little while he tells me he is at the hospital his arm is burning feels like it is going to fall off. I ask how he hurt it or what was wrong? He said I will tell you later. He never left the hospital until after midnight. They checked him his sugar was high, so they brought it down before they did anything to him.

That was all last night Wednesday night. This morning I text him good morning like I do most the time. It was between 7/8 am. About 8:45 he was calling me. I just pulled in to my job interview. We talked a few minutes. His arm came up. He said I don’t want to tell you. I said why? He said I just don’t you will get mad or something like that. I told him I had to go I would call him when I got done and we would talk and he would tell me then.

I did my interview and called him on my way to work. We talked about how my interview went. I stopped at McDonald’s on my way. I ordered a large tea and hashbrown. He said um what did you just order? I repeated it. He said thats what I thought you need to quit eating that junk and start eating real food and better. You get onto me about taking care of myself and eating right. I said yeah I know but…..He cut me off said no I’m tell you like you do me no excuses.

I got out of there hit the highway to work. I said okay so what happen to your arm that you don’t want to tell me? He said your right I don’t I don’t want you mad at me. He said you can’t yell at me okay? I know it’s bad already. I said I promise I will not yell, besides I have never yelled at you.

He like well the other night and told me what all happen again. He told me how they found out where the guys were and went there. He says in the process of finding them going there, yeah um I got shot in the arm.

I started to say something I didn’t even know what to say. He telling me again he can’t live like this and he not doing this again this and that. I never said anything about it really. He said he wasn’t going to go to er that way. He went home got the bullet out but now it’s infected. He told me why I was doing pizza’s tonight he was going back to the er. Said they told him to come back in 24 hours for a follow up.

He sent me a picture, its pretty nasty because he didn’t get it treated right away and his sugare problems. I just hope he really sees now and this scared him enough to not go do this crap anymore. He told me two or three times he done he not risking this no more. Last night he told me he is done with the boss he is not going back there no more at all for anything.  I don’t know how that will end up. I said good I hope so I been saying that for how long now. He said I am.

He said something yesterday I never heard him say, I was surprised by it. He first told me he got shot and that was what was wrong with his arm. He said something about being done he couldn’t keep doing this and living this way. He said he didn’t have a lot longer to live anyway, he was 44 he was going to die by the time he was 62. He had to get his life straight he needed to work on hisself for a while. He said I mean it, I don’t care what others want or need, I am tired of doing and doing for everyone, caring for everyone and everyone dropping me, or giving up on me and walking away from me. He said I haven’t walked away from no one, I do everything I can for everyone and care about everyone and always end up alone. I don’t want nothing right now not even a women. I need to work on me get my life together and do what needs to be done for me.

I was happy to hear that, it is not something I have ever heard him say. I have said to him he needs to not worry about everyone and taking care of or doing for them. That he needs to take care of fixing his life and making hisself happy and things. He always says but this and that or he can’t he needs this or don’t have that. Or I point out why are you doing for this person when they are doing you this way that way and just said all this crap to you? Why are you so worried about doing this for them when they don’t care about you and treat you this way? Do you know what you look like to them? They are sitting back laughing look how we can do him then we say jump he jumps. I said you need stop worrying what they want and think and think about what they really think about you not what you want them to. He just gets quiet don’t say anything.

I think yesterday he is starting to see. He sounded like he was almost in tears. He had called me to talk as soon as he woke up. He never calls that early and not even up that early most the time. I just hope he can do it this time really get away from it all.

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