{May 30, 2018}   He Has A Truck

Edited to say—So I went by before dark so I could see better it is a Nissan not F150 but it is silver.

A nice new to him fucking truck. My kids have now bought him a nice “new to him” truck. Because I know he couldn’t buy one if he was paying his child support like he is supposed to. I was in a mood tonight and decided to drive by there see if I seen the work truck. I wanted to take a picture of it sitting in his driveway well after work hours. This way when he says he isn’t working he will have to explain that. I am also going to get pictures of him at breakfast and lunch with the guys and out working and cominng and going from the shop and last walk right up to the group meeting in the morning at the shop and take a picture of him there. Then let him tell the courts how he is not working.

I drove by there is a nice F150 silver or gray it look to be in color sitting in the drive. I wanted to drive my truck into it and slam it into his trailer so bad I couldn’t stand it. Knowing all the money he owes these kids and I am struggling and can’t even get by. I wanted to go knock on his door and say something but I didn’t I left because I am not giving them the chance to put me in jail. I told my bff i should go shake her tree why he is at work tomorrow. Tell her he owes me x amount of money if he don’t have it to me by Friday I was going to kick her ass and calling anyone would be the wrongest (is that a word? Is now.) Thing she would ever do.

I was already sick from stress then seen that just made it worse. He riding around nice truck, while I have to worry about if I am going to make it where I need to go and back without the front end falling from under mine and have to put my kids in it and drive them. Worry if it is going to blow up because I still haven’t gotten it fixed.

How does one lay down and sleep at night knowing how they are doinng their kids. I don’t sleep good at night even though I am here doing everything I can and can’t hardly get by. Laying here knowing I am failing them. If people even you all knew how bad things really were you be shocked and in disbelief. But they have a nice truck, go to outback all the time, always in new clothes when you see them, buying new stuff for the house everything. Makes me want to puke thinking about it all.

god. bloody sucks. how the hell can he even sleep a wink at night. he must have no conscience. xo

I really don’t think he does. He couldn’t have. The things he has done and to do his kids this way. None.

I use to wish he was dead. Now I just wish he was crippled to the point he had to have someone do everything for him. That way all he could do was sit think about all he has done and have to be 100% dependent on someone else for everything when he has no one who would do it or care.

I know it is a horrible thing to say but even that is to good for him and the things he done to me.

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