Sitting around bored out of my mind at work and playing around on line I found this quiz. So I of course took it. This is what my results were. Boy wouldn’t that be nice, heck I would be happy with the smart, funny and nice. Because lets face it that is hard to come by it seems anymore.
Thinking about things would something like that really work? Could it really work? For someone like me in the spot I am in to meet someone like that who had money and be in a relationship or get married to?
It just we would be on two different levels. He have whatever he needed not worried about anything, here I sit 4 kids working any jobs I can get and work around eachother and struggling to stay a float. I think I would always feel not good enough. Not good enough as in the person that I am or what. But just as in social standing or whatever you want to call it.
I also think I would always be waiting for the bottom to fall out even more than normal. Because it only be a matter of time he could find someone in a better situation than I am in. Who is more on his level.
Talking to Mr. To Broken last night on the way home from work made me realize some things too when it comes to dating and guys.
We were talking about putting yourself out there and being rejected, and things like that.
I said I had never put myself out there and made the first “move” or initiate something with someone. I have always just waited on them and if they never said anything then oh well. But that I have felt more and more like I want to and should say something to this pesron that I am interested in. But I am scared of being rejected. But not only that but more of the what if they are interested? Are they going to be willing to take things slow when it comes to meeting kids, living together, building a relationship or bringing the realtionship we have to that next level? Are they going to say yes because they really care and want a realtionship or will they say yes because it will benefit them not because they want to be together, build together, grow together and make a life together? How am I going to know what they really want and aren’t just saying what they think I want to hear? I don’t want to waste my time to end up in the same spot I am in right now.
I thought about My Good Friend saying I need to raise my standards and find better guys than what I have been with. I thought if I did would I have these same worries? What would that look like? What kind of guy would I end up with? Raise them how? In what ways? Where would I meet these guys?
I got to thinking about the guys I have dated and talked to and things. Why am I so comfortable with them? Looking at the guys I have talked to but not been interested in or went out with and decided it wasn’t for me. The ones that I don’t even give a first thought to or a second look. Because it may sound horribly bad and I think I have said it before but I can pretty much meet someone and know with in minutes or less, this is someone that I would be interested in getting to know better or this is someone I wouldn’t mind being friends with but nothing more and then the ones that I just want to stop talking and go away, there is just something about them that I am not interested in anything with them friends or other wise. What is it about them that determines what catagorie they get put in?
What makes anyone person better than another or worthy of saying one’s standards are here of they date this person, but they are up here if they date this other person over here instead?
A lot of people say they have to have a job, have a job that pays $x, they have to have a car and drivers license, a place of their own, and the list goes on.
I think about what is on my list of must have’s or should have’s or deal breakers? It is hard to answer. I guess my list would look something like this…..
Must have a job
Be okay with kids
Not want kids
Not care about being married or not
Be under standing of my situation
Willing to take things slow
If they have kids they need to be in their kids lives and helping to support them.
Have some kind of place to live. I don’t care if it is their own or with family, roommates or what. Just a stable place.
Not be looking to rush into living together or meeting the kids.
What I am looking for or my list of whatever you want to call them are a lot different than others.
I feel that they need to have a job, and be supporting theirselves. Because it is so easy for guys to get jobs around here and decent paying jobs, that there really is not an excuse for one not to have some kind of job. Not a single guy on his own with no worries or kids to take care of 24/7.
As far as a place to live I don’t care who they live with or if they have roommates and not a place of their own. Rent is freaken through the roof here, I would probably have a few roommates or renting a room or something if I didn’t have kids. Why waste a ton of money on something for one person. Even if they are staying with their parents or family. If it works why not it saves everyone money if they can get along and make it work. So that isn’t a huge deal. As like I said they do not think that we are going to be moving in together right away.
I have 4 kids they have to be okay with kids and taking on a parenting type roll in the future. I am not looking for a “daddy” for my kids but at the sametime I do have them and they are little and going to be there. They have to understand that and that we are going to be a family at some point amd time. Meaning they are going to have to be apart of the good bad and ugly of being in a kids life. Relationships where the step parent tries to be hands off not involved or where the parent don’t let the other half be involved do not work well. The house is always devided and I won’t live like that. The parent is always stuck in the middle between the partner and their kids and trying to keep everyone happy. Wjere they should be coming together as a family and building that realtionship between everyone.
I don’t plan to get married again they have to understand that and be okay with that. If they can change my mind at some point okay but if not that is okay too.
Kids I don’t want anymore. I really don’t, I love kids and babies and having babies in the house. But I am happy with my kids being older and more independent. And all I have been through with the ones I have and their dads, I am scared to have more.
If they have kids they should be in their lives and helping to care for them and support them.
I guess my main thing is if they at least have these things and are decent and have a drive to have more in life and want to have that family and build a life with someone then what either of us have or don’t have can be gotten along the way. We can help each other or get it together. Does that make since?
This is what I want and hope to find and know that there has to be give and take and compromise. I think that some of these things are also why I kind of go back and forth with rather to say anything to Starfish.
He has a job, he will work his ass off, he has been staying at his moms for the last 6 months. Not bouncing around like he was last year.
We have taken things slow this far. But I have a feeling if we were to get together he would want to live together and tell the kids quicker than I want to. Just to be closer to work and be able to help eachother out more than living apart. It would be nice to have the help and it would let us both work on getting things we need like better cars and his license fixed. It would help me with bills and with the kids and things. But I still want to make sure things are really good and it seems it is going to last before we do that. I feel too that if he does want to move in and things quickly and I say no that will bring somethings to lite if he isn’t really into it for more than here and now or to benefit him. If he is into it for me he should have no problem and be understating. If he gets mad or pushes then I would have to question his intentions. Because what I want and things are no secret, he knows we have talked. So if he wasn’t some what on board with it then why start anything in the first place?
I have no idea really where he stands on the getting married end of things. I know he has been 3 times already. But do not ever remember him saying much about it other than he had been and why and why they didn’t workout. He knows how I feel about it.
This one is a hard one probably the one I am most torn and on the fence about than anything else with Starfish. He has 5 and one grandkid. I think one grand. That isn’t a big deal to me at all thats all fine. Even the grandkid don’t bother me. But he wants a baby, straight up wants a baby and has for a while. I seen where his ex was saying something about it few years or more ago somewhere. I figured he past that now or what but just back when he was staying here he made the comment about wanting a baby. He meant it he really does. I don’t and don’t know if I would want to with him if I did want another. He loves kids and he is amazing with them and they are drawn to him.
But he isn’t really in the lives of the ones he has. He hasn’t done a lot for them from what it apears. I know he feels bad about it he wants to be in their lives and see them and things. I don’t know the story around it all. I know he has contact with some the ones he can. It bothered/bothers me that he hasn’t been there and done what he should. And there is no excuse for it. I know how I struggle and how hard it is on my own. My kids have been done the way they have. Its hard for me to get past the fact. But then at the sametime I know things and he is trying to rebuild that relationship with them. I know the things he was into again not that it was or is right. At the sametime I feel how can I hold that against him if he is trying to do better change things and says I screwed up I can’t change it but I regret it and I want to do better?
The not having a car and things I can deal with. Because it is hard to get out of a hole once you get into it. And I can not judge or say anything about what someone has or don’t have. Because it isn’t like I have anything to offer. It isn’t like I haven’t been homeless twice with my kids, it isn’t like I’m not just a trip or two away from not having a car myself all the work it needs, or like I haven’t lost my license before. I have just been blessed to have help. I don’t have that help anymore I know what it is like to basically be on your own and doing it. You are lucky to struggle along and pay what has to be paid.
So things like getting his license back, getting a car, having a place and all that are things I feel can be worked on and figured out together. These are just the things you do when your with someone.
But then I think about what Good Friend has said about the guys I seem to end up talking to or with and wonder if I am wrong in thinking the way I do? And since when does, having a job, car, place, and taking care of being a part of your kids lives mean your a better catch then the other person. Because last I checked, RC had his own place, a car, a DL, he had two of his kids and was paying for the other two and had a job. He seemed to have his shit together and be a great person too. And look where it got me.
He was better than Father of the year who was abusive and couldn’t keep a job. He was better than the guy I dated before father of the year who was all about spending all his money on his car and if he took you out expected you to pay for your part or hapf of everything all the time and was cheap as hell unless it was for his car.
The one I like now seems better than the one who is broken and in love with me. He is better than Mr. Fling who wants to parade you around as his girlfriend but don’t want a girlfriend. Then there is my “friend” I don’t think one is really better than or worse than the other in anyways. Just me and Friend are just that “friends” there is nothing wrong with him he just happy with life as it is for the most part and I want more. But to compare them two or the two of them to the others, there is really no comparison.
I can’t say out of others I have dated or talked to that any two were the same other than my friend, Starfish and RC. Even then the only real things they have in common was personality in ways, I guess you would say. They are over all confident, take charge be the man of the house, protect, provide and take care of things. But not in a you need someone to do this or a you aren’t capable kind of way. It is more of a lets get this taken care of kind of thing. If there are times they need to do it they can and will. If it comes to someone being disrespectful or threatening or something like that, then it becomes a no I will take care of this kind of thing. It is never a one feels like they are making everything happen taking care of things or what and having to hold the others hand and drag them a long. Its a in it together kind of thing and if one needs a push or to take a step back the other is there and has their back. It wasn’t like that with peter pan or others I have talk to or dated. That is what I am looking for.
I don’t know how I would go about changing the type of guys I date or my standards. I guess I am a little lost or something when it comes to things like this. I don’t know. Hell I thought I was doing better than the guys I was normally talking to and hanging out with or dating when I got with peter pan. He turned out to be the worse of them all. It is funny because a lot of the guys I dated in school everyone freaked out about my family thought were so horrible are all doing so well now and have familes and happy.
Dating as an adult sucks. And as an adult with kids sucks even more. I am ready to give up again stay single another 4.5/5 years.