I read that article and it is no wonder people can not survive and scrape to try and have basic things they need. One can say well get a job making more than minimum wage or go to school. But when you have to make $20 or close to it an hour to just pay rent on a one bedroom. There are very few jobs around that pay that and they are not easy to get into. If there are jobs most are for “men” not women. Even if we want to do them we offten get passed over for a guy who applied.

I am paying around what they say most are paying for a 1 bedroom for a 3/4 bedroom but I got very lucky when I moved in. That is why I do not move and fight to keep things going and get so upset and stressed. If I leave here i still have to have a 3 bed no one will rent me smaller with 4 kids. If they did I would pay as much or more than what I am. Since they will not rent to me I have to find a 3 bedroom at least and that means I would have to pay $100 more a month. So I fight struggle and do what I can to stay here because I can not pay more or even show income to get into a place.

It took working 3 jobs for me to just start to think about getting caught up. Now I lost two and back on the bottom. The one hardly pays anything at all. I get rent paid and pay a little on each bill and get gas. Thats it, nothing left for other things that need paid or to catch up what is behind or fix my truck or buy tires. Every dime I get goes to bills. Then if two come due at the same time Im in trouble because i have just enough to get gas and pay one a week. So it is a juggling act and always on edge and worried.

I told guy taking me to work I could just jump off the bridge. He said it be taking the easy way out. I told Starfish why couldn’t I just go to sleep and not wake up. Maybe if I drank enough I would. He told me to stop talking like that. I said I don’t want to struggle anymore. He said no one does. Then why do I have to keep doing it? Why do I have to keep trying to keep everything going. I can bearly float much less provide for the kids. I can’t give them anything or do anything for them.

Its said when something happens and the power goes out or the internet goes off because of a storm or accident and your kids come running asking if you have money to pay it turn it back on or why you didn’t pay it.

I try my hardest do whatever it takes and all I hear is how bad of a mom I am, how bad my kids have it, how I don’t want to work, i don’t try. I do want to work I do whatever it takes. But I guess I am a bad mom because I am failing my kids everyday.


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