My truck is parked, I limp it no more than half a mile from my house to the store. That is all I can do and really shouldn’t be doing that. But I am. I have to get a ride to and from work anywhere else i may need to go.

It started leaking water again. Just like I asked what about these spots in the front I don’t think it is just what ya’ll are saying. I took it to my cousin’s shop he had his guy come look at it with in minutes he said. Your radiator is pouring and when under pressure your water pump is leaking. But no blown head.

I messaged my “friend” ask him if he could put those on? He said the other week when I was over seeing him maybe he could help me with it some take a look at it. He won’t charge me. He knows how bad I am struggling. He knows what it is like being a single dad with little to no help. I have helped him with things in the past give him rides and things.

By the time he messaged me back I had been in a huge fight with my mom. The police were almost called and everything else. I was mad. But he said yes and ask if I had them. I told him no I had to figureout how to get them and I was thinking about selling it. He said it might be a good idea to sell it. But if I didn’t or couldn’t he help me.

We were talking about how expensive everything is and moving but not able to get cheaper. He said I need to stay where I am and things. That he wish he could help. I told him no it is okay and sorry I been dealing with a lot the last few days. Sorry for venting.

He said it’s okay.

I told him how my ex makes good money just got a nice next to new truck. Hasn’t seen or spoken to his kids in over a year or paid or bought them anything. Knowing we struggle.

He said he’s just a shitty guy. Find a new one.

Told him I had been looking for a new one but needed to get money and job stuff worked out first.

Find a man and the money/job thing will work it’s self out.

Yeah i guess. Why cant i be like “all the rest” then i wouldnt have to worry about it.

All the rest? You mean other girls?

Yes, lol

99% of girls live off men in one way or another they just act like they don’t suck dick for money lol

I told him about Mr. To Broken. How he would come in pay everything take care of everything buy what I wanted. That he don’t get why I won’t do it.

He don’t get it because all the other girls do.. Lol what’s the deal with him? Not physically attracted?

I told him how he is looking for someone to get approval from all the time and has no confidence.

He said yeah that can be a turn off. I said yes and that just isn’t what I am looking for. I said I just don’t know anymore.

He said about what?

I said meeting someone.

You can find someone if you want. You just need to know what you looking for. Confidence in girls is a must too.

I told him I didn’t mean it like that. As if I wouldn’t or didn’t think I would. How he took it. He ask how I meant it.

Its hard to explain. I want to find someone but then it seems like so much goes into it. Bringing someone in to meet the kids and how its all going to workout and things. Not right away down the road after sometime. Just over all it working out. If that makes since.

He said yes he really got it and understood.

We were talking about everyone is just hooking up and things. He said that is how it is done now. I said not what I am looking for. He said he knew. I said I was to old for this dating game. I said something about looking for and asking for to much. He said he didn’t know what I. I said in general. I said people look at you like you have three heads if you don’t want kids or to get married. He said what I have three heads?

I dont want to get married again if i ever did it be a long time in and I don’t want anymore kids. Im almost 40 and have 4. My yougest is out of that baby/toddler stage getting to where she more independent. Its nice. The odds are whoever i meet is going to have kids or a kid so thats how many between the two of us. Why do we need more?

Seems they hit 40 all of a sudden they want to start over.

Yeah I hear ya no need to get married or have any more kids. I’m not about that start over shit.

Its not so much kids i like kids would like to do foster care one day or something that probaby wont happen. but i dont need no more of my own. No point to get married there are papers that can cover anything that one may want someone to take care of.

He said no i get it trust me.

Just want someone that don’t feel they have to rush in “take care” of me or everything. That wants to work as a team make sure we are taken care of all the kids are taken care of have what they need. Work on having things we want once needs are taken care of. Live life not just get through it. They got to understand i have kids. WE been through a lot. Im not looking to jump into things bring kids into it right away. Its fine they have kids i dont want to meet them right away i dont want them meet mine right away.

Thats when the bomb dropped. I just told my friend it was about to go there. I wasn’t ready for it to before I could stop it I got..  …

Yeah hell truth is i would make you mine if I could just get you to be more submissive and more willing to take care of my needs I think you have a lot going for you that I like.

One of them just blankly look at the phone thinking, what the……do I say to that?

Finally after a few minutes I ask what those might be. We talked a little while longer from there. But I don’t know because some things while they sound intriguing not sure I am interested. He said scared already? And laughed.

I said no just a trust thing. He said I could trust him. I told him I did. It was just others. He said I not let anything bad happen. I told him I knew.

After that he never replied. Few minutes I looked it was 1am. I had no idea it was near that late. I knew then he had fallen a sleep. Hardly ever is he up late at all. By 10 or so he in bed passed out. I looked we had been talking for 5 hours. Very uncommon with him as well. I knew when he kept talking something was up. Little more in I knew what he was going to say.  This is the 3rd time in almost 7 years that he has brought this up. First time was right after we had gotten in contact again and started hanging out after telling me he wasn’t looking for anything more. Then we had that disagreement and didn’t talk for a bit and I met RC. Then he did about a year and a half ago before father of the year split. We talked some, then all that happen it just kind of got forgot about with school and everything I had to do.

He is the one I was talking about the other day in my post, Feelings times 2. I do have feelings for him but I don’t know if he is the right pick of the two. Me and my kids want to move out of state. He can’t his daughter is here, he has a good job and he don’t want to. I do not know that I can give him all that he is looking for. I thought is this a sign of what I am supposed to do or what way I am to look? After the conversation it could be one to go for it or it could be one saying run, depending how you look at it. I am thinking more of a don’t go there sign.

Then to night I didn’t hear from him at all. He was on for a few minutes right after work that was all. I know he passed out and sleeping after being up so late.

I am sitting there at work and Starfish messaged me, hey. I messaged him a few times since last we talked, but he is hardly ever on there. Few seconds once a day. It shows him off 15 to 20 some hours at a time. I been wondering if he is okay, how things are going with his mom and her husband, how he is handling it all. But he not on.

He said hey, I said hi he said hi back and right away asked if I was okay. I was busy at work couldn’t really talk. I told him I could talk in a little bit I was at work. I told him no, not really I wasn’t. I ask why? I was wondering if he heard something or what. It just isn’t something he ask. He said just asking. I ask how he was? He just said good. He didn’t really respond after that. I ask why he has been so quiet he didn’t answer.

I think something is bothering him but he knew I was at work we couldn’t talk like we do and the fact I said I wasn’t okay. I am going to try to get a hold of him tomorrow. It just was odd I haven’t heard from him in days then all of a sudden after my conversation with the other then asking if i was okay. I am just going to keep my thoughts and feelings to myself for a while longer, while I try to decide what to do .


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