Well last night I thought I had everything figured out. I decided that getting into a relationship with my “friend” at this point probably wasn’t the best idea. Seeing as I would be giving up things that not only I want but that the kids want as well. In order to be in that realtionship. Knowing that we are not even really close to being on the same page in an area that is important. I am sure we could probably come to a compromise some how. But if not I don’t see it leasting long.

But if we did and it went somewhere, he don’t want to move, he really can’t, he has a good job and his daughter here. I would not ask him to leave her or expect him to. But moving is so important to me and the kids. We need away from things here. We have goals we are working on. I think we all be happy if we got together and it worked out but there still be that want to just get away from here. It seems like it is so close for me right now. Do I give up or postpone what I want or working for yet again because I end up with someone? I feel like I did that with Peter Pan and R.C. and that I just lose myslef when I do that because I give up what I want just to make things easier or everyone else happy. Not that I am not happy at the time but then it always seems to blow up in my face and I end up struggling with no help. Maybe it is time to find someone on the same page goal wise or with moving and making sure I can do what I feel I need or want to do for me as well as everyone else and who is willing to help make that happen just as I am with them.

I had decided for a few reasons that Starfish was probably better option. Sounds so bad option. I don’t know the word I am looking for right now. But that over all if he is interested we be looking for more the samethings. We have talked and talk about wanting to move and live somewhere different. Just like before when he was talking about wanting to go when we weren’t even together. He is able to do that if he wants he and in other areas that my “friend” was looking for different things than me we are on the same pages there. He knows my kids has spent time with them. They like him and things. Just seems better all around.

I had decided I would probably tell him the next time I see him and how. Then my “friend” sent me that this morning. I think it be great to have him rent the room over all if our history wasn’t there.

But then if I am 100% honest it would be nice to settle down have someone. Who does care and who has been around and knows and things. I don’t know they are the same in so many ways and so different in so many ways and our relationships are different. It is so hard to figure out the right thing to do.

I also worry what if I tell him no, don’t say anything or bring it back up or give it a try and decide to go with the other one amd that don’t work out? Then I have blown it with this one. Not that I am looking for him to wait or still feel the same later. It don’t work that way, I know. I really don’t want to hurt my “friend” because we are friends have been for so long even before all this. I do care about him and have feelings for him. I just don’t feel we are comparable. (There it is the word I was looking for.) Me and Starfish are more comparable not better option. Anyway, I don’t want to hurt him or change our friendship and things. We had this talk not long before me and R.C. got together and then that disagreements happen and then I met R.C. I guess I feel like maybe I am doing the wrong thing by not doing it now since I feel the way I do and that he is going to give up like I said earlier. He is offering for the 3rd time. Is that a sign? I going to have to really look at a lot and consider a lot.

Surprisingly the thought of being with either one doesn’t bother me or “scare” me. It is kind of a here it is you want it, your not doing anything to make it happen, these are the ones you want now decide and do something no more sitting and waiting. If that makes since.

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