Lately I have gotten some comments about things I say or share. Not here but in person or on facebook. I share to much or I shouldn’t share this or that or said something. What will people think or how will they take it? What if it bothers them or affects the way they think about me, treat me or interact with me?
To this I say it is on them and their own issues or insecurities if it makes them uncomfortable.
The other day when the owner at Escape the Beach ask to buy me a car just take it weekly from my check. I told him I could not afford to do that. He said even if it was just $20 a week he didn’t care, I just needed a car. I wasn’t nasty or rude or say it in a way to sound like it was his fault. But I explained this started out as a 3rd job for me. But that I lost 2 do to no fault of my own. That right now working just this one I did not make enough to cover my monthly bills. So until I find something else I couldn’t give anything weekly to anyone.
Someone ask how I been getting to work I tell them asking for rides or catchi n g the bus. Then they want to know how the bus is going how many I catch or what. I tell them it is a mile walk and 2 buses to get to work then I bum a ride home because there is no bus home. If I have to I will just walk it.
I am asked why I left my ex husband and got a divorce? Because I was tired of the abuse. I have had some say he abused you? Like they are shocked I been a victim of abuse. Or they say how bad was it or what kind or something. Not being rude just really surprised I guess. I tell you straight up, mental, physical, emotional, sexual, verbal you name it he did it.
Or times I have said I am ready to drop kids on their father’s door steps and let them do it all for a while. That I am tired, woreout, done and don’t care. Yes I care about and love my kids. But there are times, i don’t want to do anymore and need a break. I don’t care what anyone says it is not wrong of me to feel that way or that their dads should step up take a turn.
I am told I shouldn’t say these things or things about being lonely or talking to different people or going on dates. God for bid I may have feelings for someone and share that.
Let me say I do not share anything or tell anyone anything to get them to look,feel, or think anyway about me good or bad. If I am asked something I am going to be 100% with my answer. If I share something I am going to be honest, I am not going to sugare coat it or omit parts to not make someone uncomfortable or not feel someway about it.
I do not tell anyone or share in away or to try to get people to feel sorry for me or to get someone to do anything for me. That is not what I am looking for.
When I share here, on my page or in person, I share because I hope that it helps someone else. Just like when I started this blog, I started it as a place to journal and get my thoughts out. A place to vent, cry, bitch, yell, scream and rejoice. But I also started it in hopes of maybe helping someone else not feel alone on this road of being a single parent. To show that it is okay to feel all these feelings, have all these thoughts and that no it isn’t easy but that if I can figure out ways to get through all that I have so can they. There is hope and a place to come and vent if they want. Maybe I share more than some but you know what this is as real as it gets. This is life these are all the things going on in it and how I feel about them and handling or maybe not handling them right now. I feel that if we are going to put our lives out here then we should put it all out there, the good bad and ugly. Sometimes I know it seems more like a shit storm than sunshine and flowers other times its just random stuff. But your getting it all. Not just the parts that make life look good or just the poor me, feel sorry for me. Because I don’t want anyone to feel sorry. And I don’t want anyone to think they have an idea of me when they have just read the bad things going on or i just write about the good things. So if I give you a good rounded blog then you can form a better idea of how I am or why.