I have not been to bed until 4am or well after in over a month probably. Well I am in bed well before that but not a sleep until then. It is a big deal but it isn’t at the sametime. We have no where to go and no way so it isn’t like we have to get up early. Plus the later I get up the less I have to listen to my mother bitch and raise hell before I go to work. The kids are night owls as well but not up that late. I come home see the kids and me and whomever wants to come crawl into my bed and watch YouTube video’s or listen to songs and talk for a while. Then they leave and I lay here. Mindlessly playing my game, reading news or blogs and filling you all in on what is going on. So all that to say most mornings I am not getting up before 12. I wake up way before that but lay here and do more of what I just finished doing hours before.

Today I was awake off and on just feeling extra tired. The girl from work asked if I wanted to go in with her so I had a ride. I told her no I would get there some way. I would of been 5 hours early and if we weren’t busy I sat there doing nothing and unable to clock in. The owner and his wife were there and the other girl so they didn’t need me.

I decided since it was 10 something I had a ton of time before I had to be at work I would check in see how things were going with trying to sell the truck. I gave him the vin Thursday didn’t hear anything at all Friday.

I messaged and said good morning, asked if the guy had said anything about the truck.

Right away I got a text back, no and I don’t have time to deal with that rite now.

I was really tired falling a sleep, just trying to hold my eyes open. So I wasn’t really thinking beyone no and he is busy, other than I am going to try and sleep one more hour. It was almost daylight when I went to sleep and then was woken up right away and then again when the girl from work messaged me. So an hour uninterrupted sleep was looking good.

I push the phone under my pillow as my eyes slammed shut. As soon as they did I could hear his text like someone reading it to me in my head clear as day. Something said that isn’t right, thats not him the way he says things, something is wrong, something is going on or wrong.

I pulled my phone out and forced my eyes open to look at it again. I’m thinking what is going on for him to say it the way he did? Then I thought about his mom’s husband being sick and what they told him. I thought oh no something happened. I again started not to text him, I figured he was busy being there for his mom or doing what she needed or what. I just felt I needed to say something. I ask if he was okay and what was going on?

I wasn’t expecting what I got back at all. I figured he waa goi n g to say he was helping his mom her husband was sick or what.

No I get…..I am done with life and I mean it this time.

And my day begain just like that. I never even thought about how tired I was or struggle to hold my eyes open at that point.

I asked what was going on? He said he was tired of working for nothing. I told him samething I was saying the other week. He said yeah but I have my kids. That he is a piece of shit. I told him he really isn’t any worse off than anyone else right now. Everyone’s struggling. Its the best thing to do for me and everybody around me. We went back and fourth about having people who care and not to do this. He says his family don’t care he has no friends. Him saying he is struggling. I ask what he was struggling with? Where he was?

I was trying to see if he was home or if he had stayed somewhere here in town Friday. I wanted to know if he was close to me, if I could get there in my truck to talk to him in person. He wouldn’t tell me just, No one needs to know where i am. And, Im good rite where imgoing.

I told him to stop he wasn’t going no where. He said no one cares so for me to stop. Everyone only cares about what he can do for them nothing about him or what he needs.

I was upset and mad because I ask all the time how he is, how things are and all that. He never says he needs or wants anything. He knows if I can help I will. I told him, You know i do you know your family does. People care you just try to push them away keep them at arms length. So you can tell yourself they don’t.

I ask where he was what he needed again. He said why do you want to know where I am?  I said because all you have said someone needs to know where you. I said something about needs I ask him if he got something


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