I have been into it again tonight her raising hell over anything and everything. I have had enough. I had enough a long time ago but that is here or there. I also have to pay rent that is really late and have no money. I hope I have enough to pay it. I been stressing about bills, a car, her and now school because none of the kids got their scholarships this year. Mom of the year here screwed up again because I just can’t function normal like I need to living like this. My bills are piling up again because I have no money to pay them. I pay what I can and trying to pay back what I borrowed for water last time is causing a huge strain.

Tonight she started and I ignored her and went on. Listening to her thinking about everything else I just decided I am done. If he sells my truck I have my eye on one. If I can get it I am going to grab it. If not I am going to find something cheaper but in good shape. Bank the money. But I have to get something in really good shape. Because my goal is to move in the next 8 to 10 weeks.

I just spent the last few hours talking to my cousin in North Carolina. She said rents are $100’s cheaper than what I pay. She said she pays less than $100 a month for lights and water. She said they have a week class for a kind of counseling you can take and get a decent or half way decent job at.

She said there with my son on ssi I could get help with my rent. They would pay at least half probably. I don’t know how long it takes to get signed up and how long the wait list is. But like I told her if rents are that much cheaper I could pay the rent if I got a job and if my water and lights went down that much as well. I wouldn’t need much help if any at all. But if i could get it then it would help me get ahead so we could thrive not just survive so I would be able to get off of it all.

She is going to send me info and i am going to research. If it looks good I will probably give them my notice in a week or two that I am moving.

I will tell my mom start packing and throwing stuff away. The only thing we are taking is clothing some toys and other personal things. I am going to put a few things in storage for a few months just boxes probably no furniture at all. I will probably take a bus down once I get a place grab a small truck and go back. Or just drive down load a trailer load it and turn around drive back up. See what is cheaper and easier.

I am going to get paper’s written up saying I can leave the state with the kids. He can come see them when he wants that he is giving me full custody and rights to do what I want with them. I am also going to have some done up saying he just signhs his rights to them up. I am going to have boss from the shop ask his cop friend to escort me to his place one evening when I know he is off work. Have bff’s mom go with us. Tell him look sign one or the other and I will leave you alone just as I have. But if you refuse to sign at least one then I have to go to court for child support because I can not afford to stay here. Pray he signs either one and the court agrees and sighns off on it.

I have a lot to do the next few weeks. Plans to make decisions and get it all into motion. I want away from everything and everyone here for the most part. My kids want out of here. Its time for a change. If we don’t now then when? Because at this point if I wait on money it will never happen and I can’t live like this anymore. I do not even know if I will have money to pay rent come the first.

Please just pray I can make this happen and work quickly here like I plan. This would put me living close to same town as one cousin and 2 hours from the other her sister. No living next to two forgot her brother lives by her. Her dad isn’t to far away either.

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