I don’t know if it is the stress of dealing with the truck, not having a ride and getting out of the house or never having enough money. But for whatever reason, I feel this overwhelming push to meet up with Sleeping Beauty and talk to him about everything. I think it is more the stress of not being able to do anything or go anywhere. I know it is one of the things I can’t do until after I get the truck fixed.

But I also feel like I need to go see my “friend” and talk to him about our 5 hour conversation, that has not been brought back up since it happen and everything was said.

I still do not feel he is the right one at this time. But feel that something needs said about it all. I feel I owe him some kind of explanation, not just forget it like it was never said and go on about life like we did in the past.

When I think of talking to him I feel dread, because I do not want to hurt him or upset him. I don’t want things to change between us either. I know that probably sounds wrong seeing as I want to get with someone else. I just mean our friendship to change or not have it anymore. Because we have always been friends first. We don’t talk all the time or hang out together often. But we do talk here and there just as friends check in see how eachother are doing or watch his little girl and things. It is nice to have just the friendship side of things. I know awhile back when I was talking to the friend from church or when me and Sleeping Beauty started talking. He wanted me to come over hang out go out or what. I told him I couldn’t because I was talking to someone and I wanted to see how that went. I could tell the fact I was talking to someone and things bothered him. Not that he was mad about it but more disappointed it wasn’t him kind of thing.

But I figured I would just approach it with hey can we talk about that conversation we had not long ago? Just tell him I didn’t want to just brush it under the rug or ignore it like the past. Just tell him that I just don’t think that we are looking for the samething when it comes down to a main part of the relationship. But that I do care about him and think about the samethings other than that. But I am scared he will say he is okay with that and willing to compromise or just wanted to see what I would say to that. I still think I need to go a different way with the other one. I don’t want to have to say that to him. No one wants to hear they aren’t the one you want to be with. But understand if your not interested in the same thing. Like he said he don’t know if I could do the things he was asking and that was fine. That was one thing that held him back but he put it out there anyway. We never really talked about it. He fell a sleep and it wasn’t brought up anymore.

I think about talking to Sleeping Beauty and I have no idea how to start or what to say. The other day I was ready to just go see him and put it all out there get it over with. Now I am in a different mood or mind set. Now the thoughts of rejection keep creeping in. The thought of him just blowing it off or laughing at me keeps coming up. He isn’t going to take me seoursely. Or I am going to tell him give him time to think about it and it be like my conversation with my “friend” just forgot about or not brought back up. I feel he won’t feel he can come to me and talk like he does if it goes no where and I know he needs that.

I also have no idea what to say or how to approach it and get the conversation started. I want to get together face to face and talk. I think that would be pretty easy to do. I know he has been wanting to get out of the house the only time he does is with his mom and them. I said something the other day about wanting to get out and no ride. He said he him too. I said if I had my truck i would pick him up we go do something. He said he knew or something like that. So I just tell him to lets go do this or that once i get it fixed and get out of the house a while. But still have no clue where to start once we do.

I don’t know, I know I want to say all the things I said I was going to in the other post. But I think I need to start off with something else. I worry I am going to say something before I even realize I am saying it. Like while we are just talking in general. I keep wanting toto say stuff when we are texting I stop myself.

I think part of this push to tell him also is just wanting to get it done and over with and not wondering and waiting. So I can decide what I am going to do from here. I know what I want to do but if we end up together then we have to decide what we are doing not just me for myself and the kids. Its all so confusing and complicated!!! J/k maybe ugh!!!


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