This is to anyone out there that has children. I do not care if you have one or ten. If you were or were not married, abused, lived together or apart. It does not matter if they all have the same dad or different dads or the same mom or different moms.
Your children did not ask for you all to be their parents, they did not do anything to cause whatever happen between the two of you as partners to no longer be. They are just helpless inecent by standard’s sent her and told to love these two people and count on them for everything.
If something happens and you split up don’t let them ever feel it was because of them, or that there is/was something they could of done. I do not care how much you may hate eachother, what one did to caused this, or anything else. Never talk poorly about the other parent infront of or to your children, do not try to point out their flaws and imperfections. Because it just magnifies yours more than it shines light onto theirs.
If you have children that are from a broken relationship do everything you can to cultivate that relationship betwen your child/children and that other parent. Do not ever tell a child they can not see, talk to or spend time with their other parent. Do not put stipulations on their relationship, such as they can only talk to other parent x times a week on x days for z minutes at z time of day. If that child wants to talk to that other parent 5 or 10 times a day that is fine. Do not say they didn’t pay, they aren’t paying. It don’t matter it is still their parent. Handle that between the adults and keep the kids out of it. If the other parent can’t pay for some reason then they need to step up a little and help how they can in other ways. Until they can pay again.
Parents do not walk away from your children because you found a new boyfriend or girlfriend or because your mad at the other parent and do not want to have anything to do with them. You are the adults here suck it up and deal so you can see your children. Don’t walk buy them in public or ignore their phone calls or messages. Do not make empty promises be open and honest with them. They are more understanding and forgiving than you think, if you are open and honest from start. You can only make so many empty promises, lie, before they see right through you and will start to not believe anything you say.
Your children need their parents in their lives not just one but both. When one pushes the other our or one just walks out it damages them more than you will ever know. Keep the adult stuff between the adults and just be there for your child.
I know you feel it isn’t fair because no one knows what he/she did to you. What you have been through, or why you really split. The other one is lying this is what really happen, this is what they are doing, the kids need to know so……
No the kids do not need to know. You do not need to tell them mommy this or daddy that. They may do things you don’t like or things they shouldn’t. But kids are not stupid they maybe to little to see it right now but they will as they get older. Give that other parent the rope they will hang themselves. It may take a while but your kids will get their number and see it all. Even then it is not for you to interfere with. Let them handle it how they feel they want to handle it. That is still their other parent and that is still their relationship to form and let grow how they want with what they know.
Trust me I know how hard it is to sit back and say nothing when the other parent is playinf parent of the year and they have only been around 1/10 of the year but the kids are falling all over them. Just because wow they want to see them for a change. Its okay they need that let them have it. Don’t rain on their happiness. Its okay to be mad and vent. Vent away.. To a friend, your blog, your family but not your children.