Picking Them Apart

I have not talk to my “friend” or Sleeping Beauty in days, and I am okay with that, for the most part.

As you know I have really been thinking about the nitty gritty, tiny details between the two and how to handle it or what I want to do.

I really like my “friend” and I do have feelings for him and think he is a great guy. But I don’t know that he is the one. I have been picking him apart with a fine tooth comb because I thought I was going to go over and talk to him about all this the other night. Figure we will probably get together this week or tonight and talk. I want to be ready. Just to make sure we cover things that should really be covered. I have a reason not just that I am interested in someone else is why I am not interested in him if it comes down to it.

There are just things that we are not on the same page on. They are things that can’t really be overlooked or compromised on. I mean they could but then one of us are not going to be happy and it not going to work well. He is Pagan I’m not, when it comes to sex we are not looking for the samething in the long term, he says he don’t want a baby but he is to oh its okay it won’t happen free with taking chances. I really do not know how him and the kids are going to mesh. He is great with his daughter and things but his personality I don’t know that they would mesh well or really fall into really having a relationship. Even if we ended up living together I think it always be kind of his and mine and no real closeness even if they got a long great. I could be wrong about that he could be great with them but things he has said and things I just don’t know. He can’t move and we really do want to and have been working towards that again and getting things together. It would be a struggle here still even together to make it.

My friend said but he is a good guy and decent, you known him a long time, he likes you keeps coming back. But like I told her I could be happy with him to a point but it wouldn’t last. I would feel as if I settled just to have someone. She said something about Sleeping Beauty and if it didn’t workout or what. I told her even if I do not end up with either one of them the bigger picture is that I feel I would be compromising so much that I would not be happy in the end and it wouldn’t work. Even if I didn’t and he did then he isn’t going to be happy in the end either. I’m not looking to just see where it will go or whatever happens, happens. I looking for someone that is looking at where we are going to be years down the road and build and plan for that. I don’t see myself building with this one. He just happy the way things are. Its hard to explain.

Like with Mr. To Broken, even though he is starting over and he was looking for someone to build and have something with I wasn’t interested because of his other issues and he just wasn’t my type even if he didn’t have issues. He isn’t into kids and just different things.

With Sleeping Beauty it is different, I can see us both needing things and that we can help eachother to get where we need to be and then what we want. We are simular religion wise. I say that because I am not sure what he “is” for say. I know he is Christian we were talking about going to church amd god before. He maybe Catholic, I am not sure really but just what keeps coming to mind. Maybe he did say at one time I just don’t remember. Either way I think we are close enough it be okay not a huge big deal. Him and the kids hit it off, like eachother and doing things together. They mesh good over all and he can set those boundaries that need to be set and still maintain the relationship. He can and would move if things were right. We both deal with a lot of the samethings. So we understand where eachother are coming from. I see us building a long term relationship vs. Feeling like I am settling and going to be unhappy and it not working out. We want a lot of the samethings.

Regardless of who I meet and end up with I don’t want to feel like I am settling. I know there is going to be compromise in a relationship that isn’t what I mean or talking about. I do not mind that but there are somethings you just can’t do that or it isn’t going to likely turn out well if you do. I think that is part of why if it comes down to my friend vs Sleeping Beauty. Me and Sleeping Beauty are both at a looking for change/fresh start open to anything kind of point in life. Where my “friend” is settled happy with where his life is and just looking for someone to add to it or bring into it. Amd I want more and see what is out there. He has done that and gotten himself to where he is good. Even Mr. To Broken is more settled than I want to be. He can’t move can’t do anything he happy just being here going to work and doing it over every day as long as he has someone there. Im not ready to settle into someone elses ruiten or life and fit in. I want to find that together with someone and build from there.

With RC I was happy and wanted to be with him and loved him. But when it came down to it I lost me trying to be there for him and the kids and doing the things how he wanted. I just kind of moved into his life and found my new routine around him. I don’t want that.