{August 6, 2018}   Ready To Cry

Just got home from work about an hour ago and have done nothing but fight and listen to bitching. Over a bunch of shit that is nothing but her fucking problems. I am so done with my mother being here I am ready to risk being homeless just to get rid of her. I know your not supposed to hate people but i do. I cant stand her, I can’t stand her presents seeing her, talking to her or her being in the same house muchless same room.

She swears she has some mite things in her bed she got from the dog. That the dog was losing its hair when she came here and now they are in her room. It has been almost a year she has been here. The dog would be eaten a live if that was the case because I have never treated them. They would have no hair and everyone would have them biting them. No one does but her. She has been to my sisters and stayed and a friend of hers to stay a while. Both with dogs and one with questionable people staying with them who could have who knows what. No one has seen them but her as well. Yes she has something broke out on her face but I have no idea what it is. No one else has a problem but her.

It make since because she never comes out of her room other than to go to the bathroom, get something from the fridge or put something in the trash or bitch. She refuses to touch the dogs if they are out, the dogs are never in her room or bed ever and no one is ever in there other than oldest when she goes in to go to bed in her bed. They have bunk beds so how she has something in her bed and oldest don’t beats the hell out of me as well. Oldest has no bites no where but she swears she see’s her scratching all night. She says she got them from the washer and drier because the dogs blankets were washed in them. But the dogs have nothing. She swears the drier is broken it not getting hot. And has been for months. It started not working right the other day and is not drying. But now she swears its been that way all along. I just gotten it and it was scolding hot when clothes were taken out. I figure she has done something to it or its gotten lent backed up needs cleaned out. She has been demanding for months I buy a new drier because it isn’t hot enough to kill whatever this made up whatever is when she washes her blankets and sheets.

Friends and others have heard her raising hell when they have been on the phone and stopped by. They all say she has problems and that she needs something. Every doctor she has been to has put in her chart she needs meds for her mental state but she refuses to take them or go see the right person about it. She has nothing wrong with her of course. But then tell you she knows she does but why it is everyone else fault she dont need anything just whatever. But she has been this way all my life everyone can tell you. Even my sisters dad said it is why he left the way she is and does and wont get help. My dad say same thing.

I know I have things I need meds for and I need talk to people about. But even they have said mine is situational if I can get settled where we are not struggling all the time and dealing with the bs from her. I would be okay and function a lot better. I wouldn’t need medication all the time. When things are going good I am great 98% of the time even when things go wrong or something happens. I handle it and keep rolling. Once in awhile I hit a patch a deal with the depression or anxiety but pull myself out pretty quickly and easily. But that right now I have so much to take care of worry about and handle and everything keeps happening we keep just hanging on by a thread that it is no wonder I am the way I am right now.

That is not what they say about her at all. It is not that kind of thing. She is impossible to live with. I am stuck and can not get her out. I do not have the money to file if I go to the owners for help i am going to have to move. I have no money to move on. And she knows all this thinks its funny sits and says she isn’t going no where don’t have to and won’t until she is ready. All the while bitching how bad it is here how horrible i am how dirty it is and on and on. I am so done and over it with her. She keeps talking about all her “health” problems and she could die blah, blah, bullshit its my fault too of course. I just think your not fast enough and okay your point who is supposed to care? What do you want me to say, do, think or feel? Because I don’t. I know I know you all probably think I am the worse person in the world to think or write such a thing. But if you read my blog long enough you know I don’t say that kind of thing about people and that I am the first to help in just about anyway I can whoever it is if I can. But her like father of the year have pushed me to that point that whatever happens to them couldn’t happen fast enough and I wouldn’t think twice about it. They do not care how they made me or my kids feel or how they treated us. I can not waste time caring about them.

I feel so aggervated and hopeless right now that I don’t even want to be here and deal with anything anymore. If she not leaving something happening to get her out of our lives once and for all then let it me so I can be done with her and everything else once and for all.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

et cetera
%d bloggers like this: