{August 27, 2018}   In Need of Advice

Little Bitty brought up her dad again the other day. I just don’t know what to tell her or do. I just let her talk and told her I did not find his number yet. I haven’t, I could message him but I don’t know. Not something I really want to message him.

I am torn between contacting him or not. I have so many mixed feelings over it all. I want nothing more than for them to have some kind of relationship. I feel the sooner it forms if it is going to the better. But then I worry if he comes to see her how things will end up. Because I don’t want him to bring his gf if they are still together. I don’t want him taking her around his mom and her boyfriend. I don’t want to fight over it. I fight enough as it is when it comes to dealing with things. I don’t want this to be one too.

Like I told my friend, if he came here to see here great I have no problem with it. I have no problem with him taking her on his own out if he wanted to and she wanted to go. Because when it comes down to it he is a good dad and she would be safe with him and I do not think he try to pull anything. If it was just him. But if he came with her or decided to go see his mom why he was here I do not trust them even with him there. They are not people I want her around.

If he does want to have anything to do with her is he going to stick around or is it just going to be in and out and worse on her than not finding him? If he wants nothing to do with her how do I handle that and tell her? How am I going to feel and react to talking to him and having him in our lives in whatever form that maybe? And seeing him if it comes to that? How am I going to react if he gets nasty and don’t want anything to do with her? Way to much to consider all the way around. I don’t know what to do. I haven’t really had anyone to talk to and bounce things off of or get any advice from. Everyone to busy with their own crap or just say don’t do it tell her you can’t find him right now. I can I don’t want to lie to her. Then she finds out later I could of all along. That would not be good.

I think I am going to ask Sleeping Beauty if we can get together and talk. Tell him I just need advice. We always talk about the kids and things going on he thinks of things i don’t or points things out. Gives good advice.

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