I got a text today that has my anxiety and stress levels up. I keep trying to talk myself down and tell myself it will be okay. But I know what is to come and there is no amount of pep talk or not thinking about it that will bring it down. Anytime I think about it, I feel my jaw tighten. I catch myslef thinking about it when I am doing other things even. Before I know it I realize I am thinking more about it than what I am supposed to be.
I received a message from the women asking me if I could work any days this week she is really short handed. As soon as I seen it in my head I was yelling no, no don’t do it, tell her none. Why half was saying you have to we have all this stuff do this week we couldn’t pay and now it and more this weekend.
I finally told her I would do Thursday and Friday and let her know if I could do Saturday Friday night. See if I am making money and how bad my anxiety/stress is. I really have a hard time and struggle when I do this job. It isn’t the job it is the fact of not being able to see. Before i only had an hour or two after dark of work. Now with the time change it will be dark when I start so the whole night will be a struggle. It is back roads no lights can’t see the house. Numbers and things. I just feel sick even after sleeping on it.