{January 28, 2019}   Why Can’t I

Just break it off with my friend and my old friend? I’m not looking for anything more with either one of them. I mean if I was I could have it with my friend, he has done made it clean he would like more than what we are doing. He knows I’m not but keeps coming around. Like I said in  Time to Break It Off I feel like sometimes he is hoping that I change my mind or it is going to turn into more. I don’t want to give him that impresion or idea. But he has said to me a few times I want more but you don’t, so. Like its just what it is and he is okay with that. I don’t ask him to come over like I use to. I kind of leave it alone unless he ask then a lot of times I will say I can’t I am working or busy. Once in a while I go. I go more to get out of the house have something to do.

With my old friend I like to go with him and hang out and just have a good time. But I don’t know about no A Weekend Away with him. That just seems like taking things to another level or testing waters in that direction. I just don’t know about that. I don’t know that I am really into more with him or not. I am leaning more to not but I don’t know. There really isn’t feelings there for him but that is because of the conversation we had in the be gaining. I just don’t know if things would change if I wanted them too.

But then knowing this abouy both I can’t just walk away and break it off. I think maybe I don’t want to lose the friendship mostly. But like my friend I don’t think I would I never did in the past even when I was with Little Bitties dad we still talked. Nothing about being together or anything like that just talked like friends.

With my old friend we talked once in a while not a lot and I am sure things would be the same. Like he told me before he hopes I find someone and that if someone wants to take me out go and have a good time.  We both know what we are doing and it is what it is if one finds someone it isn’t a big deal.

I really don’t know why I want to break it off with my old friend either thinking about it. Other than I am not as free to go like I was when I first started going down there. Now it seems like something else I have to figure out how and when to do and it sucks. Where as before if I wanted to go and he was up for it I just went or if he wanted to go do something I felt like it I went. I don’t know, i just want things in my life to get back to the way they were. I need her out of my house and my house peaceful and happy again.

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