All By Myself

For weeks I have been planning to go to the Colt Ford concert, Bff said she was going and Sleeping Beauty said he wanted to go. Me and him were talking about it before Bff ever said she wanted to go. Then her sister and her husband were going to go and aunt and my friend that does my hair. The one that went with me and oldest to a concert last year. So it was just going to be a big group of us an adult night out having a good time.

Well I didn’t think bff was going to come she always backs out. But then when her sister was coming I figured she would. Sleeping Beauty I wasn’t sure I was back and forth with. But he seem to really want to go and asked me about it first.

Well I talk to sleeping beauty at 9 Thursday night and I just knew he wasn’t going to go. He never said he wasn’t but I just knew. Sure enough never heard from saturday, message and called nothing.

Then bff said oh they weren’t going. I think her sister didn’t like I was going she don’t like me. On top of that bff’s husband told her she could not go and started a fight. She says oh they aren’t together she has him out now she doing what she wants. But he barks she does. Tries to say no it was some other reason she did it not because of him. Everyone knows its because of him.

So I was left to go on my own. All the people missing and being found dead bff was like you better be careful come go to the beach with us. I said nope I made plans and I am going.

I couldn’t get off early so I ended up going late but the concert still didn’t start for an hour or more. I went got gas and a drink then sat in the truck for a bit on the phone.

Finally a little after 8 I decided to go in see what was going on and check out the band playing before Colt.  I could of gotten to the stage probably but I stopped about halfway from it. There was a little area that wasn’t full of people i could see on the stage and everyone good get good pictured.

There was a guy and lady with chairs a few feet in front of me and another guy there with them. The lady left and went somewhere for a bit.

I stood there for about 10 minutes people coming and going walking around.  The guy that was with the ones sitting in front of me came up and ask if I was alone. I said yes, he said you are more than welcome to sit with us. He said you can have that chair sit there.

I said thank you but I was good, I had been sitting most the day. He came around and stood by me started talking. We stood there and talked a while. He said something to his friend and he said his friend said he has a boat. A nice sail boat. He motion for his friend to shut up and looked at him. He said oh I’m not supposed to tell her that? He said no. He said no I don’t tell them that stuff later after I get to know them if I want them to know. He looked at me and said yes i have a sail boat I live on over here. Me and my daughter.

He has two daughters I think he said 18 and 20/21. It was loud I had a hard time hearing. We stood there and talked the whole time just about. His friends got up and moved because they couldn’t see or something. We moved up closer to the stage I was trying to record. Then we moved over to the side. It was toward the end of the concert probably a few songs left I said I am going up here. I was leaving. The sound was horrible it wasn’t a good show. I went to see if they had tshirts but wasn’t impressed with them either. We ended up walking around the downtown area. We sat on a bench there and talked for a while. We got onto the subject of escape rooms. I said there was one few blocks away. He said lets go do it. I said na he was like why not? I said lets go see what it is like. I wanted to see if they were were looking for help and who owned it. Maybe do one. They were closed. After that we walked around some more. He asked where I was parked? I said back over by where we were. He said lets make the big loop around. We ended up at the parking lot we say on this little wall there and talked some more. He said wait you have your car here right? I said yes. He said take me to get some smokes. I said okay. We walked over to the truck he was like this is yours? I said yeah he was like wow.

We got in I said you have to go over the bridge to go home right? He said yes. I said why don’t we go to the little store right there then I can drop you off instead of bringing you back here you having to get back there. We lost his friends at this point and they had probably gone home or over to where I was dropping him off. He said you don’t mind? I said no it’s right here. Everywhere we are talking about aren’t even a mile its all in this little down town area or just over the bridge. All walking distince even if you have to go over the bridge.

In our night of hanging out and talking he told me a lot. I don’t know if he is telling the truth or just full of himself. He said he started a computer company at like 18 and has done all kinds of work with computers and started companies and things. How he helped his friends. That he has taken off the last 3 years or more sailing around. He done all this stuff he 40 and never really had a “normal” life. He is just taking time off.

He asked about me and things. I had told him I was a single mom of 4. We were talking about why I got a divorce and things. I said something about my older 3 kids being his and then having my daughter.

He said wait so you have 3 kids by your ex husband then you just have daughter? I said yeah I was in a relationship for a short time and had her. He was kind of surprised. He said oh that’s not bad you don’t have 4 kids by 4 different daddy’s and things. I said no not like that at all. He said that’s cool.

We just talked about a lot. He asked me about where I worked I don’t think at first he was getting that I worked two different places. When we first started talking and things and were talking about it he said so if I send you flowers how many are to many? I laughed something was said about sending them to the car lot. I said but I am only there after 5 few days a week. He said oh no they are being sent there. He said so as long as they all fit in your backseat it is good? He said I always over do it.

I dropped him off he said I want a picture but my phone is dead. I said here. He said you going to send me one? I said you have to be in it. He came around to my side of the truck and open the door we took a couple.

We talked off and on some yesterday I haven’t heard from him today. Whatever he turns out to be he does. It don’t matter, I had a good time saturday not looking for more. Whatever happens happens.

Day 15 Song Challenge

Lets go way back this song is one I have liked from the time I heard it. It reminds me of me, I can be a lot of things but if I have to be I can hold my own.

I do not own this song or rights to it.

 

Day 14

Most people would not expect me to like this or listen to it or music like it or the song from yesterday even. Most think I only listen to Country. But the truth is I listen to anything and everything pretty much.

I do not own this song or rights to it.

May 15, 2019

Is the day we will be going to court over child support. Well me and Father of The Year. I still have not heard anything about RC and Little Bitty.

I found a paper that said I had an online account now with them. I decided to log on to see if it said what was going on with my case and it sure did.

Everything shows it was just put up this month it shows they sent a letter to irs to take his tax return and it shows we have a court date for May 15. It did show that January something they sent a letter to suspend his license. Then when I clicked on that it says the letter was sent to him on December 21 I think and he had 20 days to pay/respond. It is past the 20 days. I check clerk of court and unless I looked something up wrong they haven’t done it. But it don’t show if he answered or anything either.

It says the motion for contempt was filed and the court date was issued on the 14 of this month. But I think the lawyer can file it and then set the date.

I open mail from yesterday and it was a letter from a lawyer telling me they are with the enforcement office and we have a court date for May 15.

But the paper only has mine and little man’s name on it and has us listed at his address. I am calling them Monday to check on all that. I am going to find out what I need to show to prove he is working as well.

I have text also from his boss to show we talked about what he owed too and him paying. I have pictures and can get more if I have to.

I am going to watch for them to say when his license is suspended and I am sending it to his boss or taking it to him. See how long he has company truck to ride around in then.

WTF Moment

Boy did I have a what the fuck moment today. I was sitting here at work doing something and the phone rang and I answered it.

This guy with an accent calls me by name and says how are you doing? This is RC!!!

I was confused in a split second wtf, how dose he know where to find me, why is he calling me here, I can’t deal with him right now, no fucking way in hell he is calling me.

I said this is WHO? He said D is is busy today?

When he said that this relief came over me. Thank god I miss understood him and wow he sounded just like him.

He must of heard it in my voice he said what is wrong? I said I thought you said someone else I wondered how they had found me.

After I hung up I thought wow the way I felt when I thought that is who it was on the phone. Why did I feel that way?

I was shocked or surprised whatever you want to call it and annoyed he was calling me at work on their line instead of my cell. I have the same number I had back then and it isn’t hard to find or get. If he could pin point me to where I was working he could of had it too.

I thought I would feel anger or something if or when he came back in the picture but I didn’t at all. It was just a it’s about time lets see where this goes.

I have been thinking about trying to contact him it was like okay now I don’t have to do that and stress about the outcome. So much goes through your head at one time and so fast.

I was relived when it wasn’t him but kind of disappointed at the same time. Disappointed as in now there is still no contact been made and now I still have to decide what to do and how to handle it and how he is going to react.

Day 13, song a Day Challenge

A guilty pleasure song would have to be this one. It just is don’t judge it’s called a guilty pleasure for a reason right ☺

 

I do not own this song or rights to it.

Tell Her I am Her Dad

Wednesday night when we were all out BFF said something about she would do a lot of things different in life if she could go back or had known.

I said I think about it but I couldn’t if because if I did then I wouldn’t have things I have now and…

She said I wouldn’t trade my kids or change that. I would still have them.

Sleeping Beauty said he would he would was talking about how his kids are. That you know the one says she wants to get to have a dad and get to know him but then tells him he ask to many questions and gets mad when he won’t hand over money every time she decides she needs it. He said he knew it had a lot to do with him not being there and how she was raised. He said he wasn’t allowed to see his kids and things back when she was little.

I said see I have never and will never tell mine they can’t see their kids I have all but begged them to be in their kids lives and they do what they have. It kills me because of the kids and that there are other guys who would kill to be in their kids lives and can’t and have to fight like hell to get anytime with them. They could careless about theirs and how they do them and act like it is no big deal.

I said something about how Little Bitty is bent on I need to find her daddy for her and let her talk to him and that she needs to get to know him and things. I don’t know how he is going to react if I was to get a hold of him and things.

Sleeping Beauty said you know how we can handle that don’t you? I said how? He said tell her she did meet her daddy already, it was me. He said she will be like oh hell no and not want anything else to do with getting a hold of him if she thinks it is me, she hates me. He said tell her she can have that $400 princess car too but I am the new babysitter. She will stop talking about that real fast too. I said she don’t hate you. He said she does if I give her the tv, phone and computer back and let her stay up as late as she wants she would be my best friend but since I told her she couldn’t do that stuff she hates me. It really bothers him that she don’t like him. He don’t understand that she really is not use to having a guy in around or anyone around that wants to have any kind of involvement in their life and really be there for them and be a friend. If he had stuck around and was around more things would change.

We are all talking about getting together and taking the kids camping here soon and we were talking about if he comes and things. Little Bitty won’t like it but I think she will come around when we are out of the house away from things and just having fun and doing things.

I honestly think that is a big thing with him and his comments and then backing off as well. The fact of the way she feels and things toward him. I don’t know if it just bothers him that much or if he feels that I would call things off over the way she feels for some reason. I wouldn’t because I know why she “don’t like” him. It isn’t anything bad it is because of just what I said she isn’t use to anyone else but me. Hell I hated my step dad when he moved in and raised 100 kinds of hell with him for a while before we came to a even playing field and even then I keep him on his toes at times. I never called him my dad. For me that was a huge or the thing he was not my dad and he was not going to act like it in any way shape or form. After I got older a lot older, like adult older or close to it I came around by then he was out of the picture and not living with us anymore but I realized a lot seen a lot and well it is just part of getting older and growing up.

I see how it is hard for kids in that spot being there as a kid myself and not being able to explain how you feel or why. I can understand how it feels from being the adult and put in that spot with kids and them not liking you or wanting you around. After going through it with RC’s kids. But we told them from start I am not trying to take moms place I am just here to take care of you when mom isn’t and when you are with dad. I love you and will treat you just the same as my kids and help you but I know you have mom and mom comes first. But for kids that is still hard to understand. I know my step dad knew i had a dad but I didn’t care.

I had another friend tell me to let him know he would talk to Little Bitty on the phone and tell  her he was her dad and talk to her like he was. He just tell her since he was out of state they could only talk on the phone not see each other.

I can’t do that to her. I know they don’t mean no harm or in a bad way they are just trying to be helpful and feel bad for her. But going about it that way is not the way to go. If they wanted to step up and say hey I’m not your dad but I am here for you if you need to talk, want to do something or just need a dad like person for something that would be fine. That wouldn’t bother me but doing something like they said I can’t do, I can’t lie to my kid and I am not going to do something that can or will hurt her more in the long run when she finds out. I am not asking or expect them to do that.

If I Didn’t Waste My Money

The other night me and Little Bitty were laying in bed and she was being something else. I finally said look here you are not a princess and you are going to stop acting like it. Because that is how she has been lately. Like she is entitled to whatever she wants when she wants how she wants. And the being mean to her brother, the things she says to him and the way she treats him and then just like flipping a switch she is all nice and wants to play again. I told her all this is going to stop right now.

Well when I said she wasn’t a princess she came even more unglued. Is that possible? I don’t know but lord she freaked out she was the princess and I was going to buy her that princess car she keeps seeing at the store too.

I told her she was not getting that car even if she did act like a princess. This is a $400 power wheel car. I am not spending that kind of money on something like that. Surely not the way she has been acting I wouldn’t if I had it. I never said anything about money at all to her just that I was not buying that car.

She says to me if you didn’t waste all your money, you would have the money to buy me that car.

I had to catch myself and stop for a minute and get it together because that just went all through me in some kind of way. I finally in a second was able to ask her what she was talking about me wasting my money?

She said all the time when you go to the store always buying food. If you didn’t buy all that food every time we went to the store you would have the money to buy me that car I want.

I was still beyond mad but had to laugh a little. I know where the wasting the money is coming from and while I am mad at her I was more mad at the Bitch because that is the shit she says all the time. That I waste my money and in front of the kids and they don’t know and to little to understand right now. If I wasted my money who pays the rent and bills? Sine I am the only one paying them then where do I get all this extra money to waste and what am I wasting it on? Because other than my Wednesday night I am home or work. Everyone says it, you have no life all you do is work and home.

The fact that she said every time I go to the store I waste it on all that food we buy should tell you that the only time I go to the store is to shop for food and get the things they need. I guess I am supposed to just not feed them and use that money to buy them all the things they want. Oh the joys of being 5 and innocent.

Hell I seen a nice purse I liked while I was i there wasting my money making sure they had what they needed for today since they were off from school and I have to work 12 hours. I put it in my cart and was going to get it because I could really use one and a nice I haven’t bought a purse in a few years now and they were at the thrift store for a couple dollars. I ended up putting it back because I didn’t want to spend the $10 and I felt it wasn’t that great of a deal it was only marked down $4. I wouldn’t normally buy it I would wait to see if it dropped lower but it was the only one they had left like it. I thought I would go ahead and get it since I could use one and still put it back. I even put the $5 wallet I needed back. I was debating what one to buy since the one was cheaper.

I ended up buying two robes for $3 each and picked up a shirt for $3 that I liked. I got Big boy a robe because I figured he might like to have one he had one before and outgrew it he is older now. He may like to use it to go between the bathroom and bedroom instead of getting dressed in the bathroom but he didn’t want it once i got it home. I picked the other up for my Grandpa for his birthday in a couple months. It is nice and I would end up spending a lot more in a few weeks if I didn’t get it then. I figure I will take the other back or hang it in the closet and use it as a gift for someone else down the road.

I was just floored when she said that about wasting my money though. She has been giving me a rally hard time about everything and just being off the chain. I am to a point if her dad was in the picture I would of already told him he needed to come and get her for a couple weeks so I could have a break because I don’t even want to be around her anymore at this point. I hate to feel that way about my kids.

I know some of it is because I am the only one doing it all and we get tired of each other. I am sure she feels like I am always getting on to her more than anything. I know a lot of it is her age and testing boundaries, part of it is I am working so much and not getting to spend as much time with them as they would like. And the fact she wants her dad in the picture and he isn’t and she can’t talk to him or see him. I think she blames me for it or feels that I am keeping her from him.

I talked to the doctor about things the other morning while we were there and she said she is going to recommend her for counseling and gave me papers to fill out and one for her teacher to fill out. I am sure that between me and her teacher we are going to have two different papers because she is like a different kid at school and home.

Oh My Goodness Guys

If you have sent me and email and I have not gotten back to you I am so very sorry. I forget that I have that email and it NEVER gets checked. I think of it say I need to check it and then forget by the time I get to sit down and have a half a second to do it. I just went there to check it out because it has been bothering me for days for some reason. I had over 6000 emails. Most of them just telling me you all added new post or liked or commented on something or from random things on twitter. I need to figure out how to stop the emails from wordpress because I am on here I see all that is telling me that you all are doing of course.

I scrolled through them to see if there looked like anyone had emailed me from anywhere other than those and did not see any so I just emptied everything. If you did email and I missed it I am sorry, I promise I am going to start checking my email more at least once a week. I think I will see if I can have that email account go right to my phone because I feel that it is something I need to keep up with and check more. Like I said for some reason it had been on my mind a lot lately that I need to get in there and do something with it.

My blog in a whole has been on my mind lately. With the challenge it is making me come her everyday and post at least that if nothing else and once I am here I have been going ahead and posting other things as well. I want to get in the habit of making myself come on at least once a day if nothing else to read other post but to take the time to put into my blog. It gets neglected a lot as you all know. I feel I have been better about it the last year or so but still not where I would like to be and drop off here and there sometimes. Help me stay accountable and on track. I have started using the scheduler a post option more now to with the challenge but even if I put them up and they are there to post each day I still come on to check things out and make sure they posted and post other things or set up more post for later to go out. So even if I just get in the habit of doing that is good. Then I will have post going out more regularly than I have had. The thing is unless it is a challenge a lot of my post are things that are happening now or happened not really things i can write now and have post later. It’s kind of like if I am able to write about it right now there is no need to set it to post later I can just post it or it will be even older than it was when I wrote it. Like this post why would I set it to post later other than just to have something to post later and I don’t want to do that.

But anyway I am just rambling and looking for things to do because I am board. But know if you email I will be checking it and reading it now and that I wasn’t just ignoring you I promise.

A Long Two Days

Yesterday I started the day off taking the little kids to the doctor and being an hour and half late for work. The little kids have had a cold for a little over a week now. I keep telling them it is just a cold or vires everyone at the lot has had it and it just has to run it’s course. They act fine other than a cough. Well Monday night we were going to bed and big boy said it hurt to breath and he really didn’t feel good. I decided I would get up and take them to the doctor then drop them at school and go to work.

We got to the doctor at 8:45 and didn’t leave until after 10. By then they were already having lunch at school, I would of had to take them get them lunch or take them home get them lunch then go and I would of been later to work. They would of gotten to school with not much time left. Not really been worth it. I took them dropped them off at home and went to work.

When I got to the doctor they hit me with a $90 bill that had to be paid. Father of the Year said he was going to pay it. I know I am stupid for thinking he was or did. I really didn’t think he was but thought maybe something that big he might and I have so much other stuff to deal with I forgot to follow up on it and he hasn’t had to go so. I paid that and missed work. Over $100 gone that was for other things that needed to be taken care of. It just never ends

They finally see the doctor and they have double ear infections. At no time has either of them said they can’t hear or their ears hurt or anything like that. Mom of the year over here. Well she said little bitty had double infection and that Little guy was on his way any day he was full of fluid and clogged up. So she was treated them both.

Then this morning I go get in the truck and I am waiting for Oldest to come out so we can go to the store before I go to work. She runs out to the truck and says I need to come inside something was wrong with the dog. I go in she got up from being a sleep all night stood up pooped in the floor and fell down. Had her foot in the poop and wasn’t moving. I sat down in front of her and talked to her and tried to get her to get up and things and she would. finally I got her up and into the truck but she was still walking around like she was drunk or something. She got in laid her head on the back of the seat and just sat there wouldn’t move or look at us nothing. I took her to this Vet place that is supposed to help when you don’t have the money to pay and let you make small payments until you get it paid off. They said they were operating they wouldn’t see her or help me.

I ended up taking her to our vet and they said they were getting ready to go into surgery but they would fit us in. We waited an hour or more it was like 9 when we got there. I had to tell them at work I was going to be late again. They just said no problem. I said I am going to be late when it rains it pours.

We finally got in to see the vet and she checked her all out and said she thinks she had a seizures. They said they could do blood work that would be $150 in addition to the office visit. They agreed that it would be okay to just watch her for a bit and see if she did it anymore and decide from there. They said the type of dog she is, are known to have them and them to just come on out of the blue. I am just watching her and seeing what happens from here because I don’t have $150 to spend to be told she is fine and we really think she is even the vet said she thinks she is okay. The blood work is just the first step in looking for anything that maybe wrong.

last night I get home and little bitty is in tears telling me her leg hurts. I look at it and move it around and see nothing wrong with it and she says she has not hurt it in anyway at home or school. I take her and lay down I can see she is tired and figure she is over sensitive because she is. We prop it up and she falls asleep in a little bit. About 1 in the morning she wakes up hysterical crying it hurts and can’t stand or walk on it. I look at it again and still see nothing at all wrong. Where she says it hurts is really weird as well, she says it hurts on the top of her leg mid way down her shin. Right on the top it is the bone there. When I say Little Bitty she is tiny so you can feel the bone very easily and if there was a broken I think you could see or feel something off. She is only like 32lbs at almost 6. I get her dressed and take her to get it looked at. I figure if she is still this way today or I wait until today I am going to take her to he doctor she is going to send us to the hospital for x rays because she can’t do them in office. I am going to have to wait there for hours and who knows how long at the hospital then for the test. Miss most today of work if not all day and be late if I didn’t miss. I have been late the last two days. I can’t do this. I decide to cut the middle man and all the running around. Take her to the ER hope they are not busy and let them xray it and see if something is wrong.

We got there and they were not busy at all hardly. They got us right back ordered the xray and sent us on our way. We were in a room 35 minutes I think is all and in the waiting room maybe 20 I think it was more like 10. We were back home again. they said nothing wrong broken, fractured or sprang, she should be fine with in a few day. If not then to take her to the bone doctor and let them check her out and see what they want to do from there.

I am at work now and I am so tired I could just put my head down on the desk and go to sleep. I am really fighting not to. The guys were already gone on the road when I got her this morning and Pop’s called and said he had the tv guy coming out this morning he was going to be there between 11 and 12 so he wasn’t sure how long it would take him or when he would be in. Its not a big deal it is slow we have not had anyone come in yet today and everything from yesterday is dome. There wouldn’t be anything for him to do if he did come in. I am about to take everything off my desk and clean it. There are stacks of papers all over. Some mine some theirs and some for the shop. There is a little bit of everything from everywhere and the dust or what from them working is thick. I didn’t realize how bad it was on my desk until right before I was going home yesterday. They have this thin rubber like film over the keyboard on the computer and I seen something on it, I went to get it off and noticed it was where something scratched it like. It was a mark in the dust stuff. I am going to take it off wash it and put it back and organize all these papers and everything else and find a home for it all. My desk is the collect all for everything from mail to paperwork and things the guys need to take care of. Since we have the one computer we all use everything collects around it.

That has been my week from Wednesday to this morning so far. I just want to hit the pause button on the world for a few hours so I can sleep and get caught back up. in the last 48 hours I have worked 20 and spent about 6 at the doctors and only about 8 sleeping. It is no wonder I am so tired. Little Bitty has been hell on wheels and I been in tears a couple times dealing with her. I need a vacation away from everything.

You know I am use to only getting a few hours sleep each night or what. But it is different when I am laying in bed and can’t sleep than when I am going, going, going and can’t relax at least. Lately I am going to bed with a couple hours left to sleep and crashing but it isn’t good sleep because I am not relaxing I am just crash up and go again until I crash again. where a lot of nights I will lay there for hours before I fall a sleep but I will do things on line or talk to a friend or with the kids or something. Not stressing.