{March 1, 2019}   I’m Not Stupid, I Know What’s Really Going On

I think I said something about it on here a while back, Mr. Auto at the car lot asked me if I had talked to Sleeping Beauty and when the last time I seen him was. I told him I had talked to him off and but not seen him in a while. He told me the guy he was roommates with that worked at the shop with us he was staying with before he came to stay with me had been talking to him about him. He said he told him he lost a lot of weight and how his face was all sunk in and things. Said something about what he was doing. He told him if that was the case that was his friend why didn’t he talk to him and try to help him. I told him I had not seen him but I didn’t think so he had seemed okay from our conversations. Because he said he wanted to do something to himself once or twice as well. This has come up 3 or 4 times since I started there.

Well when I started talking to him last week and he asked me to take him home somewhere out of the blue him losing a lot of weight came up. He told me he had and I wouldn’t believe it if I seen him. How he had started eating different that he didn’t eat as much as he use to or the way he use to. He never really ate that much and ate your normal stuff. I just said oh really that is good I guess. But I was thinking yep I know what you are doing or been doing. But I didn’t say anything.

When I seen him I was surprised he has lost a lot, he was just telling me the other night how his pants are falling off his shirts are so big and things. Still says he is just not eating and eating better. I knew as soon as I seen him what it is. I am not sure when the last time I seen him was but he didn’t look like that.

I told Bff he is back doing the drugs again and she says I don’t know. He has always been quite and don’t open up with drawn. I said no I said think about it, remember how he lost so much weight back around the time all that shit went down? The guys were saying something about how he lost so much and saying he was on that shit again back then? I said then remember when he left my house went to his moms and was gone a month or two he came back around. When he came back we were talking about how much he had gained and how much better he looked and how much happier he seemed and how good over all he was doing. I said now for a few months we been hearing he is doing this again and how he lost all this weight again and back on it again. I said and now he made it a point to point it out and tell me he had and how he is “eating better” not eating as much and everything. I said because he knows if I just seen him would say something. He wanted to get it out of the way before he seen me. Explain it away so it wouldn’t come up again. I said I am not stupid.

I told her he thinks, oh I don’t hang out with people like that, not around that stuff all the time, don’t know about it, how it works, what it does to you and things like that. So he will just tell me this and I won’t be any the smarter or ask any questions. I said no I don’t do all that but that don’t mean I am stupid, that I don’t know what it does to you, that I don’t know the what is going on. I said but I do know but since I didn’t call him out on it and then last time he got caught because of the guy he owed money to he couldn’t say anything.

Today I couldn’t figure out where he was getting it, who he was doing it with, or what because he is staying with his mom and I really don’t think he is doing it there. But he hasn’t been hanging out with the guy down the street from her like he was before or others that I know of. Then it hit me, the guys at the lot where he works and things. That is where he was working before when he told me about being in it the most and dealing it and things. I thought of it and I said yep the guy where he stayed that first Wednesday a few weeks ago when he came with us and hung out.

I told her that night what is he doing and why did he have to go outside and talk to him before he ever came in if he was going to come in why couldn’t he talk to him then. Why he had been messaging him all evening up to that point? Most the time he isn’t on that phone unless something like that is going on. When he first came to my house he was on it on it on it because he was messaging these guys and different ones. Then after being there a few weeks he was hardly ever on it until that night he went out and all the shit went down. Then again he was on it on it on it again.

Then the guy came in and didn’t even sit with us he went sat at the bar by himself and drank for a bit then left. Then when we left he told me he asked him if he could sleep there so I didn’t have to take him all the way back home. I dropped him off there. Me and Bff was talking about it then how it all happen how he been hanging out over there and I didn’t think it was a good idea and things. He told me the other day how this guy is pawning work tools and things all the time for money. What is he needing money for that bad that he is pawning work tools.

I told her when he got with this guy down the street from her the other night it wasn’t good. They have been friends since they were kids I don’t know how long sleeping beauty has known him. But then by the time we got back to this guys house the other night it was he might be renting the camper he has in the yard so that he can be closer to work and things. I told Bff that isn’t good. When he rented there before he had to get out of there because of a bunch of shit and that he just wants him there for the money from the camper but that he knows that he will get money from him because he will buy shit from him. He don’t care just like he told Bff about her friend he is a grown man he knows what he is doing and it is his money and that he has to make money to take care of his family some how. He isn’t looking out for him or care he is just a bank to him. When the money runs out because Sleeping Beauty don’t get to work for two or three weeks and has no money to give him or buy anything then he is going to be out on his ass again.

I want to tell him I know what is going on, I’m not stupid, I know why he has lost all he has. That he needs to really think about what he is doing.

Like I told Bff I think he is into it more now than he has been. When I picked him up Wednesday night he was telling me his ex had messaged him told him she was getting married then that day or day before messaged about something. He asked for his stuff from the storage room. She told him she took it all to the dump. He had his kids pictured, stuff of his dads and everything in there. He was mad and upset about that. He said something was said then called him piece of shit. He said you know after so many times of hearing that it does something to you. It sticks with you. I said oh I know tell me about it. We talked about how ex did me and things. Then we were at Bff’s house.

She said today maybe he is dealing with depression. I said I know he does I know he deals with it and anxiety pretty bad. I said I told him before it is anxiety when he tells me he was sitting in his room cry for hours not know why. He wake up not able to breath thinking it was his heart and things.  I told him to go get meds for a while and he would feel better. He wouldn’t.

I think between her saying the things she has and dealing with that and being around the guy at work and now getting in touch with this guy we all worked with again it just all makes a perfect storm.

I want to tell him you know what why you want to pop off about 20?s i am just asking because I care not trying to start shit. You know what I have been doing the last few days since we got together? Trying to figure out how to get me new vehicles so that I could give you mine and trying to figure out a way for you to start saving money to get your license back. Figure out if i could help you find a better job how I could help you get to it and somewhere you could move to closer so that you are easier to help. So O want to thank you and tell you how glad I am you decided you just want to be friends before I spent time making it all happen. Maybe sometimes you should ask questions instead of being so with drawn and popping off about someone wanting to talk or ask questions. When I was asking you to ride with me the other night i wanted to talk to you about it all.

I may just leave it alone forget it until he hits me up again.

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