{March 1, 2019}   To Much In My Life

I am so confused and hurt right now, I want to say something but don’t even know what to say. Not that it is going to do any good to say anything really.

I messaged Sleeping Beauty yesterday when I got off my first job. I stopped to grab something to eat an was waiting on it. I just asked him how he was feeling? He replied with I think we should just stay friends. I said can we talk? He said text yes. I asked if he could call me I could call him why only text all the time? He just said no text.

I told him again I did not know what happen last night I was sorry for whatever happened that he knew I had never drank that and that I had never been that way before. I asked what happen why just friends?

He says just to much in my life. Really to much in his life because just Sunday he was telling me and BFF how all he has is he works goes home and goes to his room and sits/sleeps he has nothing does nothing. He like to go camping and going with us on Wednesdays and would help with the cars and things. It gives him something to do get out of the house and he gets to see the kids and things. He likes hanging out with the kids.

I asked him what that was or meant, how did he go from I wasn’t ready to I am ready to having to much in his life in a few days. To just tell me what was going on.

He just responded with nothing I just told you and I don’t want to be tied down.

I asked again what has changed in a few days? All he would say was not getting into it. I said something why can’t you just say what is going on? He said see what I mean 20?s I am done.

I said No but you know, you could just say not just oh everything lets do this and then no explanation, no forget it.  If it was you, you would want to know. He said no I don’t.

I never said anything back. At that point I was at the lot and it was packed I had to force myself to go in and not leave. I hate that job so much and want to quite but can’t because that little bit I make hourly is a help even if I don’t sell anything. On top of being hungover I just wasn’t in the mood to go back and forth with it all and I didn’t know what else to say at that point.

I am leaving it alone for now I think I wrote something a few times but didn’t send it. I am not going to get a response or one I want. I want to know what is going on. But like I told BFF he reads what I send him and he thinks about it. Even when it isn’t what he wants to hear so I want to be careful what I send. I don’t want to send just pissed off whatever, I want to send something that will make him think about what he is doing and what is going on.

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