Mr. Responsible

I got off at 10 last night and was supposed to meet everyone out like we always do. Then after I am clocked out and on the highway home they tell me they left already. They decided not to stay. They had went out to dinner before hand because it was bff’s oldest birthday, they were all tired. I said alright thanks a lot I had told them I was trying to get off early and was on my way. I was hungry and wanted to eat but didn’t want fast food or something like that. It kind of pissed me off. I started to call my old friend see what he was doing I was coming up on his excite I could of gotten off there. I didn’t I just kept heading home. I drove around for a while and finally went home.

The two little ones were still up at almost 11 when I got there. I wasn’t happy but I went and laid down with them and we talked and joked around for a while. Little Bitty lost another tooth she was telling me all about it and their field trip coming up.

They finally went to sleep and I laid there a while before I did. I finally started falling a sleep and my phone rang. I found it and looked to see who it was because it didn’t have a ring I knew. It was my old friend, I started not to answer it but finally did. He said hey baby oh man it’s to late isn’t it? I’m sorry I woke you up didn’t I? I said I was just falling a sleep and that I got off earlier I had already left down there. He said oh it’s to late, I’m sorry I shouldn’t of called you this late. I told him he was okay we talked a little bit. He said he just got off work a little bit ago. He was out he wanted me to come hang out with him. I said I tried to come see you twice last week. He said I know I know I’m sorry I have been trying to be responsible and the adult go to bed early and things take care of things. I laughed so hard. Not that he isn’t responsible or don’t take care of things. I know what he meant but just the way he said it and to hear him say it it was funny. He said what baby I am I don’t have to work tomorrow so I can hang out tonight. I said but I do, I have to work. He said dam baby that sucks come see me in the morning. I said I can’t I have to be at work at 10 but I will be off at 9 tomorrow and in your area. He said I have to work Friday. I said that is okay you don’t tomorrow you can sleep in and stay up late. He laughed.

Something was said about coming over and things, he said don’t make me take an uber to your house because I will show up there in a bit. I said I have a bed full of kids. He said I’m sure you have an empty one somewhere. I said no I wish, because if I did I would of been in it they were all in my way last night. He said I’m going to go I’m so sorry I woke you up, I shouldn’t of called you. I said no your okay.

I figure I will call him this evening when I get off see what he is up to maybe. I need to just go out and relax. I was looking forward to last night and they all bailed.

A New Phone

I am not sure if I told you all or not but last week I asked the owners at my first job to order me a new phone. I told them this one will not update, is getting burning hot and I had to take it out of the case. Now it is cracked across the back and the screen is shattered because I dropped it. It is so small and the shape of it makes it hard to hold on to.

I found my phone I had before this on ebay and sent them the link. It is $120 vs. $900 they wanted at at&t when I stopped in there. I like the phone better. Pop’s thinks they should be paying for it and taking care of it. I just told them to take it out of my check each week. They said okay, but who knows what they will really do.

But then the one who would order it asked me a few days later about it and asked if I was just set on that one or what. I told him yes how much the others were that one does everything I need and has a long lasting battery. He said okay. Well I still haven’t gotten a phone yet. I don’t know if he decided to do something else or if he forgot. I hate asking but I would like to know what is going on. I was going to order a case and screen protector for it. But I do not want to waste the money on it if they aren’t ordering it or waiting or getting something else. If they don’t okay the price of something else with me first I’m not paying for it.

I was going to ask today but with all the bad weather no one really came in. The one did for like 5 minutes and left. I am going to ask him tomorrow if he ordered it or if he is still going to? Just tell him I am ordering things for it but didn’t want to if I wasn’t getting it. Or not right now i could use that money for something else.

That way if he forgot maybe he will go ahead and do it. Or i may just ask him if he wants me to order it since its all logged in with all the info and everything needed on my computer. We ship things back and forth through ebay with people who buy services.

I have no sercice here at my new job with this phone. I don’t know if it is location and building or if it is phone not working. I figure it is a little bit of everything. It drives me crazy I can’t do anything on my phone or I have to go outside.

What a Nasty Day

It’s just now lunch time and the weather has been nasty out for the last 3 hours. I took the little kids to school and dropped them off. Then I took oldest to the store and dropped her off at home. I decided to go pick up my last check at the car lot before work since I don’t have time to get it or cash it between jobs.

I pulled up it was raining some but not bad. Me and oldest were looking at it across town and talking about how it didn’t seem like we were going to get any rain it was blowing over. Well about the time I went to open my door and get out it sounded like someone threw a baseball at my truck. Then again and then it sounded like marbles and baseballs pelting my truck all over and it was pouring out. It was hailing like crazy. I can’t think of the last time I seen hail even during hurricanes I hadn’t seen hail.

My sister and Bff sent me pictures it looked like it snowed outside their houses. Bff said it was all over the sides of the road by her house. I was surprised because it was gone about as fast as it hit where I was at and around where I was driving.

I finally made a run for it and got my check. Then I went to cash it, but between the hail and the train I ended up turning around going to get my coffee and coming to work. It looked like it was stopping when I got here but the last two hours it has poured and hailed more. I wanted to get food but I didn’t want to get stuck in the rain and hail. I maybe a little late to work this evening because I am hungry and want to eat. If I don’t eat then it will be at least 5 more hours before I get to eat. If it is nasty out when I leave I will probably just have to go to work or I will be to late because of the time it takes to get there. Add the rain and it will take an hour or more to get there if I stop to get something to eat.

I may just go in and when everyone leave I will just go up to the little store and grab something. We have a wa wa about half a mile up the road. I have never been to one but I know they have hot food and things and are supposed to be good. The guy training me had a sub from there the other night it smelled really good. I have food at home I was going to bring I forgot to go in and get it this morning the kids were running late for school again.

To Contact or Not Contact

I am really on the fence about trying to contact RC and see if he will have some kind of relationship with Little Bitty. I feel that the sooner the better for her, than waiting until she is a lot older. But then if he says no or gets nasty then what am I supposed to say or do? I could tell her I haven’t talked to him or wasn’t able to get a hold of him. But I don’t want to lie to her. I would rather not try to contact him than to have to tell her he don’t want to talk to her or lie that I didn’t get a hold of him.

I am debating if I should wait until child support contacts him and see if he tries to contact me or what they say about visitation. I am sure they will do a paternity test as well since he is not on the birth certificate and my divorce had not been granted. I had to send a letter in it asked who I had been with if I was married or gotten married in x time frame and all that. I had to put RC on there and Father of the Year. I know 100% without a shadow of a doubt that RC is the father. He knows as well and told Bff and her husband that he knew that he was as soon as we found out a was pregnant.

But this way he can’t say she isn’t his or anything like that. Then it will just be up to him, is he or is he not going to have a relationship with his daughter. Even if just for right now it is by phone for now.

Another part wants to just call him up or message him and be like hey look this is your daughter, you know this, she is asking about you, wants to know about you and to get to know you. Are you going to step up or just keep being a deadbeat like you have been?

I know I can’t say it just like that and that I have to be careful what I say and how I say it.

Then I worry about how it will effect the other kids and their dad not being in the picture. I wonder how things are going to play out come May when me and him go to court and go over the child support and visitation for the three of them. I don’t know if how that will go over because they do not want to go to his house or have anything to do with his new wife. I know the court isn’t really going to care about that and tell me that I have told them this or that. But you know what they know who has been there and who hasn’t. Oldest knows he has told her what he was going to do and he hasn’t bothered to. I also have their writings from school that their teacher wanted to make sure that I got because of what they wrote. About how mom is always here and mom don’t run away and mom is all they have. I wasn’t there when that was written, I didn’t even know anything about the writing project that they were working on much less know what they wrote until I went to their holiday dinner with them. They were hanging on the wall and I found them and read them. You can read what they wrote here What They Are Thankful For if you haven’t seen it before. This was a dinner he could of came to as well but he had already been gone for months at that time and knew nothing that was going on in their lives.

But I can’t not let her have contact with her dad just because their’s isn’t in the picture. Theirs was for a while when hers wasn’t.

I am going to have to really think about it and figure out what to do. I just feel if I wait it could be another year or more before they get to us and really do anything and we get the test, results, court date and all that. I don’t want to wait years if I am going to do it.

Know Where He Got It

I was trying to figure out where Sleeping Beauty was coming off with talking to others he don’t know about his “drug problem” that isn’t a “problem”

I kept thinking she had to of said something or he heard something from someone. Why was he coming at me when the other was there and she told him what he wanted to go outside and talk about.

I didn’t think I had messaged her anything like that about him. There are just some things I won’t message back and forth with anyone. I looked back in my messenger and didn’t see anything like that in there or to give him any reason we had been talking about anything like that.

Sitting here at work tonight I was going through some text and all of a sudden she popped up. I forgot we had text some the last few weeks. We use to never text but for some reason we had been.

I looked back and sure enough there were three messages together.

Omg i almost text him!!!!!!!😯😯😯

Someone else told me the other week he was on stuff to when they found out i knew him we were friends. Telling me i better be careful what he was into. I had not said anything to them about anything like that.

Long term negative side effects include anxiety paranoia anger.

Why he don’t want no one talk about him his “business” no matter how stupid or small it is. Why all of a sudden they say he is on it he tells me he don’t know what is wrong he having anxiety attacks.

They were from last Thursday and there weren’t that many after it so he must of either looked at her phone when he said what he did the other day or sometime before that. I am thinking he looked through it seen it all at the same time because of when he said something about it. She said that they were in Sam’s sitting down going to eat. She was up at the counter getting one of the kids something and came back and he had it.

Talked to Bff

I had an appointment this morning at 9 and got out of there just before 10. I made it to work just in time to open about 5 minutes early. I am normally here 10 to 15 minutes early. I just clock in whenever I get here and get ready.

Most the time I am talking to Bff when I get here and while I open and things, but this morning with getting out of there and having to get to work I didn’t call her. I figured she would call me and that she was just dropping him off at work. I had messages to listen to and phone calls to make. I take care of those as soon as I come in so that I don’t miss anything. Sometimes the guys will call in and leave me a message instead of calling or texting me to early in the mornings or the evenings. Just the other phone calls and all that we get. Then Pop’s came in and I talked to him and things.

In a little bit Bff messaged me said something about paying bills and things. About that time I knocked my drink over and spilled it. It had a lid but it still spilled and splashed all over. I cleaned that up and things and called her.

We started talking, I said something about yesterday and what was said and things. She said he got my phone and then he sent that and I told him no that isn’t right and don’t send stuff and took my phone back. She said I sat it down there and was shopping and you messaged again and he seen it and started to send you a message back. She said she told him no that was meant for her not him and that it was her phone not to be doing that to leave her phone alone. Said he said something about telling me something or messaging me back and pulled his phone out. She said but he walked off didn’t say anything else. She said he never told her what he said or anything like that. I read it to her and we were talking. I said yeah that was for you not that I care he seen it but there really isn’t anything he can say about it. She said no I told him that isn’t right. I said you know we talk and vent back and forth and things. No one was talking to him. I told her how he messaged me earlier that morning too. She didn’t know he had done that.

Then I asked her who said what about the drugs and things like that? How was I brought into it or what. I read her what he sent me when the other was said. She said no one. She said the kid that was staying with them before who asked the other day if he was clean when something was said about him going to hang out with him and Sleeping Beauty coming said something the other night. Sleeping Beauty was at her house and he stopped by and took her outside and was saying something to her about him and things. She said some how it came up later with Sleeping Beauty and she told him yeah a lot of people were telling her this and asking her this and things. She said but no names were ever brought up or what and it was left at that. I said well right there is the text he sent me about it. I said I really had not idea what he was talking about because I didn’t know if you said something about what we were talking about, if he talked to Mr. Auto he said something or someone from there or what. So I couldn’t really say anything to him about it until I figured out where he was coming from with it. I read her the text, I said right there he don’t say what are you talking about why are you talking shit saying this it isn’t true, I don’t do that or anything like that. Just about talking to people about his drug problem and it isn’t a problem. I said no one is going to say “it” isn’t a problem if they aren’t doing something like that. If your not doing something that could be a problem then you wouldn’t have to say it isn’t one. I said and the truck we past and he got all excited or what and was saying there is my uncle, that’s my uncle. I said that isn’t his uncle, that is his dealer. That is the one that was going to come kick my door in. I said that is the one that was at my house after that looking for him and trying to see if he was still at my house. I said not no uncle. They call him unc or something like that and he just calls him uncle. She said yeah he has a black brother and this and that and he knows a lot of people and things. She said everywhere we go he is talking to people and people are stopping him talking to him. I said yeah I know that is why.

I just called Bff and asked her again what that was all about and what was said. She says he called her outside and was talking to her and Sleeping Beauty asked her what that was all about. She said she told him everyone keeps asking if he is clean and things. She said she didn’t name any names and things but I don’t know.

Next time I see him he says something I tell him the truth everyone keeps coming to me and asking me as well.

SELF WORTH (Very Deep!!!)

In a brief conversation, a man asked a woman he was pursuing the question: ‘What kind of man are you looking for?’ She sat quietly for a moment before looking him in the eye & asking, ‘Do you really want to know?’ Reluctantly, he said, ‘Yes. She began to expound, ‘As a woman in this day & age, I am in a position to ask a man what can you do for me that I can’t do for myself? I pay my own bills. I take care of my household without the help of any man… or woman for that matter. I am in the position to ask, ‘What can you bring to the table?’ The man looked at her. Clearly he thought that she was referring to money. She quickly corrected his thought & stated, ‘I am not referring to money. I need something more. I need a man who is striving for excellence in every aspect of life. He sat back in his chair, folded his arms, & asked her to explain. She said, ‘I need someone who is striving for excellence mentally because I need conversation & mental stimulation. I don’t need a simple-minded man. I need someone who is striving for excellence spiritually because I don’t need to be unequally yoked…believers mixed with unbelievers is a recipe for disaster. I need a man who is striving for excellence financially because I don’t need a financial burden. I need someone who is sensitive enough to understand what I go through as a woman, but strong enough to keep me grounded. I need someone who has integrity in dealing with relationships. Lies and game-playing are not my idea of a strong man. I need a man who is family-oriented. One who can be the leader, priest and provider to the lives entrusted to him by God. I need someone whom I can respect. In order to be submissive, I must respect him. I cannot be submissive to a man who isn’t taking care of his business. I have no problem being submissive…he just has to be worthy. And by the way, I am not looking for him…He will find me. He will recognize himself in me. Hey may not be able to explain the connection, but he will always be drawn to me. God made woman to be a help-mate for man. I can’t help a man if he can’t help himself. When she finished her spill, she looked at him. He sat there with a puzzled look on his face. He said, ‘You are asking a lot. She replied, “I’m worth a lot”. Send this to every woman who’s worth a lot…. and every man who has the brains to understand!!!

I won’t say this don’t exist but it is very few and far between and impossible to find it seems.

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