{April 26, 2019}   The Thrill of The Hunt

While writing another post I had the thought, why do we always want what we can’t have or what doesn’t want us? Why do we feel the way we do about people and why do we have feelings for people that aren’t good for us, but not the same feelings for the ones that want us or are better for us? Why don’t we see it at the time? We take so long to before it hits us that wow that one is no good and this one we pushed away was probably what we have been looking for all along for years and now we pushed them away.

It hit me it isn’t really about the person so much as it is about the hunt or the catch is probably better word. They say there are plenty of fish in the sea, it is finding that one and then trying to catch it. If they play hard to get or what just makes it that much more intrigued or want it more because you think you know them think you have them figured out. All while you know this isn’t good this isn’t right and they do this or that and make you made you then make excuses for them. They are just scared, they are just not sure yet, they are just waiting for……the list goes on and on. Then once you catch them or something happens and changes your mind about them you will keep pursuing it knowing that it probably isn’t going to last or there are going to be problems. But that is okay with you. Because your so messed up you see this you wanted it and your not taking no for an answer and your so messed up that you know it isn’t going to last but that is okay because you don’t go into it expecting it to last. But you are still trying because you are to scared to get into something with someone that may have a chance of going somewhere because you are scared of getting hurt again like you did with the last relationship where you really let someone in and they killed  you by leaving.

With someone you already know or someone who is interested it isn’t the same, the thrill of the hunt isn’t there the trying to catch them is gone. The Adventure  of it all and getting to know them isn’t there. I have always been one that the chemistry and feelings before getting with someone are a lot stronger than after and after it is a just oh well now what and okay how long will this last or what is going to happen? If it works out it works out, if it don’t, it don’t no big deal. Not that I didn’t care for them or have feelings for them, it’s just different.

The only one that I really felt different about was RC. I felt a lot different and even though I had the feeling something was going to happen, I let him in, in a way that I hadn’t anyone else and tried to push the something happening thoughts out and ignored them.

Since him I have not been that close to anyone else. I had feeling for others but not like RC. As I said in other post I have been pushing the wrong one away and going after the ones I should be pushing away. Am I trying to fix something that happen in the past with one of these or just keeping up enough of that wall to hopefully keep from getting hurt again? Since I know it probably won’t last, but that’s what I’m hoping to fox and get them to stay like I couldn’t with RC? Like Sleeping Beauty wanting another kid so he can be in this one’s life? Are we all just looking for that one person that we can fix all our past mistakes with? Instead of the one who is right for us?

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