Doom and Gloom Has Come Again

I don’t know what to think that doom and gloom feeling has rushed over me this morning. I got up early because I had to take the dog a million miles away to drop her off to be spayed before I went to work this morning. I got there at 8 to just drop her off. I didn’t talk to anyone until 8:45 or after. Then since she has had two seizures they wanted me to talk to the vet. She was scared of him did not like him at all. He listen to her and said she has a pretty good heart murmur. Ideally we would do a heart work up on her EKG and ECO and I think something else. But he said that is getting into a lot of money. He seem to think she should do good. But they wanted to do a heart worm test to make sure it isn’t that. He said he could do it why I waited but I told him I thought she was healthy and fine. That I really had to get to work that I would leave her and let them test her and if anything was wrong to call me. I think they told me before she had the murmur. She has only been to the vet once since I had her. She is healthy as I told him and she was quick to point out that she seemed that way but we really didn’t know. Even then I was okay and didn’t feel that anything was wrong. I did have the though before he said all that, that maybe I should just skip it and take her home. But know she needs to really be done she is so young and we don’t need puppies. I feel that everything is going to be okay but then I feel bad for just leaving her and not waiting for them to do the test. But it was almost 9:30 and I needed to be towns away at work by 10. I know that the test is going to come back fine and they are going to have to do what they need to do and I will pick her up at 6 and she will be great.

I think when I lost my bumper i messed up something under my car. I know I still haven’t told you about that either. I have been really busy getting nothing done this weekend and being told what a horrible mother I am and how sorry everyone feels for my kids. And dealing with Sleeping Beauty mess. But now I have to see what that is and get it fixed. I don’t even know if I should be driving it or what will happen if something happens. I don’t think I am supposed to have a vehicle.

Then I started thinking about my car the shit show I have with the one I just bought. I got an offer of $500 on my old truck why I was leaving the vet. I really need more but really don’t think I am going to get it at this point or after the fire and damage now. I have $500 worth of tires on it.

Thinking about all that is going on and the fact of doing it alone and just everything I don’t know what to think or where to go. It just hit me like hitting a break wall on the way to work doom and gloom something bad is going to happen. I still don’t feel that it is to do with the dog. I feel like it is something at home or with the kids. I have had that feeling about the house for a little while now but hadn’t really thought much of it or let it get to me. I keep telling myself everything is fine and that nothing is going to happen. But today is just hard and I don’t know why that is at the top of the list.

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