Single___Parent___Life











{September 10, 2019}   It Has Been A Long Day

And night so far. At least it is only 10 minutes til 10 pm and I only have two hours left. I could of left at 9 or 10 but with only getting 7.5 hours here last week I need all the hours I can get. My work was done before 9 so I have been bouncing back and forth between my desk and outside. Watching netfix and listening to YouTube on my phone. I am sitting here outside listening to music and writing this on my phone.

Like earlier it is such a nice night I want to be just about anywhere but here. I haven’t been able to just sit there at my desk tonight. It was hard sitting at my desk all day today even with work to do. I am sitting out back watching the trucks come and go and get loaded. Its been a pretty quiet night other than the ones calling in to cry about having to work, their co drivers or what they are having to do.

This day has just been one of them dragging take forever to pass kind of days. I don’t know what it is but it feels like 4 hours have passed and it’s only been 10 minutes if your lucky. It is hard not to leave now and go home. But I wouldn’t be doing anything but that going home to lay in bed and not be able to sleep. May as well sit here and work.

My mind is all over the place today. I am hungry and have less than $10. I get paid tomorrow for my whopping 7.5 hours. My check Friday was a whole 14 hours. I had rent to pay last week. This week I am hit with what, lights and car insurance. I am supposed to be able to delay it and for some reason I can’t.

I want to go get food but I don’t want to use the extra gas or spend the money. I could eat whatever they had for dinner when I get home. But I dont feel like messing with it at 12:30/1a.m when I finally get there. I just fall in bed and try to sleep.

I messaged Mr. Responsible was going to see if he lend me a few dollars until Thursday or Friday and being me some food. But then didn’t ask him, I know he hasn’t had a lot and probably missed work too. Even if it was his last few he would give it to me because that is just how he is. I don’t want to short him for the week. I will just shuffle things around and try to take a little out tomorrow.

Oh great I have Mr. 8’s birthday this week too I knew I was forgetting something. I know it is just not thinking about the money coming out this week. Maybe I wont pull any out. Good thing I didn’t borrow any. I will make it work I always figure it out and make do.



{September 10, 2019}   Why We Can’t Have Nice Things

Everyday I get into my car since running around with the kids over the weekend all I can think is, this is why we can’t have nice things.

There is tea spilled in my floor and lemon aid in my passenger seat. It smells like sour tea and my jacket needs washed. It isn’t as simple of cleaning the floor and the seat because the seat has a ton of things in it. Well I maybe exaggerating a little, but it seems like it. Seeing as my box of change is dumped in the floor from where something was spilled in it before. The best I could tell it was a bottle of water that was left in there and the lid came off. The bottom of the box got wet and the bottom fell out of it so it is now everywhere. On top of all the other things that they have left down there.

Don’t get me wrong they are great kids they really are, they could be doing so much worse at their ages. None of it was done on purpose. We went to the burger place to eat and they gave everyone to go cups. Mine was sat in the cup holder that had something in it so it didn’t sit like it should of. I thought the cut was one of the kids and they had picked it up when we got back in the car. I guess they didn’t and when we got where we were going I asked for my drink and figured out it was mine that they stuck there and it was now in the floor spilled everywhere.

Then we went inside and since we don’t have that many cup holders Mr. 13 sat his cup in the seat when he got out. Once we came back his seat was soaked. This I found he had split the bottom of his cup some how and it had leaked why we were in the two stores all over the seat. Since the car is so small there was no where else for him to ride, he needed something to sit on. You guessed it that is where my jacket came into play. He folded it up and sat on it. I forgot to  get it inside and toss it in the wash that night with my work things. I don’t get home early enough to do any when I get off. I grabbed a sweat shirt and just noticed it has something on it once I put it on at work. I guess it is stained it don’t normally wear it but around the house to bed or when it is cool. I cook and clean in it. Who knows what I got on it. It is almost 15 years old now that I think about it. I got this when we left for a hurricane when my oldest was less than a year old.

But I can’t help but think this is why we can’t have nice things when I get in the car. I keep having the thought of keeping my truck to run around in and to go to and from work in. Then use the car when me and the kids go places on the weekend and things. Instead of letting them mess it up too. But I got the truck because it is nice and would be a nice, decent, good lasting vehicle for us all. Isn’t that what we get things for or nice things for to use and enjoy? Isn’t that what happens to things when you use them and enjoy them, they get used, damaged, wore out or messed up? That is why we have to replace things after so long right?



{September 10, 2019}   5 Days Off

It has been so hard to get caught up and get back into the swing of things after having  days off and running around and dealing with all that. I am tired but a different kind of tired than normal I just don’t know how to explain it or understand. My good friend said depression but this is different. I think that it is just that for about three days I laid around and didn’t do anything but listen to her complain that I wasn’t doing anything and listening to her freak out about how bad it is going to be. But I mostly just stayed in my room with the door closed and laid around or played with the kids.

I think it is just having that time to truly not do anything I needed and now my body is fighting going back to that daily routine of being neglected ran down and wore out. I am at my day job now and have a ton of things to do here and just don’t want to move to do them. Not that I don’t want to or feel like it. I want to do something just not work. You know how everyone says it’s such a nice day to nice to be working. I always just feel like it is just another day. Today I feel like closing up shop and going somewhere doing something getting out and living. But I have to get work for tomorrow, Thursday and Friday and I need to clean the shop area. I cleaned everything else Monday and Thursday. It was a mess since the cleaning lady hadn’t been here I did a deep clean but hadn’t had time to get the shop. I did the store, my office, the bathroom and the little break area.

I guess I better get off here and get something done besides watching netflix and writing. I have been here less than an hour and it feels like all day already. I have been a way for so long. I felt I should pop in and let you all know that I’m good and will try to be back more this week. It has given me a chance to read more and catch up with you all. So that is good.



{September 5, 2019}   Only a Rain Storm

Hurricane Dorian did nothing but bring some wind and rain. Nothing more than a normal Florida rain storm we typically get this tine of year really.

I can not believe it. I am grateful we didn’t get slammed by a cat 5 or something like that and feel horrible for the people in the islands. I know we could be going through what they are and I could be out a lot nore than money. But right now I am out like two weeks pay.

I don’t think I can go camping now for Mr. 8’s birthday until a week or two later or next month. I have been figuring and figuring money and moving bills around trying to make it work. I just don’t see how. I feel bad I really want to take him and I really wanted to go with Mr. Responsible and his son. Us all and Bff would of had a blast.

I need to go over my tent see if it is usable, get a canopy, food, gas, cake and gifts, part of the money for the site. I don’t see it happening next weekend.

I may see if he still wants to go once I get money settled and get it all planed out again. I hope he dont get upset he said he understands.

I have Mr. 13’s birthday coming up 2 weeks after Mr. 8’s I have to do something for. I don’t know what he wants yet, I have to ask him. He was telling me something the other day Mom of The Year here can’t remember what it was. I think he wants to go to the movie but not sure.

I have to pat on bills they are hitting at once. The one I can normally move the due date because the date comes at a really bad time anyway. But for some reason I haven’t been able to move it. I figured things out I think if I don’t do the trip I can still do something and get everything taken care of. I can get the gifts from the kids and cake with family. Give him a date with the camping trip or tell him sit down with me help me pick somewhere to go. He will like that. That will cost me a lot less and then that part will be out of the way as well. Since the gifts from the kids will be done. That is a nice chunk of money in its self. I will do a cake when we go camping if BFF and other go. They will give him a little gift and things too.

I don’t think BFF is in the mood to go camp and things right now either after being away so long for the storm and things. I am tired wore out and just want to get back to normal and that wont be until next week and even then wont will missing work and more money to go camping, being away from home and all that. It be another week before I get back to any kind of normal. I don’t know if mentally I can handle that right now.

I feel bad but I never told him we would go camping for sure on his bday. Just that we would go.



{September 3, 2019}   Hurricane Dorian Watch Update

I am laying in a shelter as the storm is starting to roll in on us. They say it will really start about 12am so an hour and a half away. But we have been getting small spells of rain off and on all day. One just started again but it maybe here to stay this time.

They say we will start to get bad or the worst will be between 4 am and 6 am. It will be over us until about 12.

It has downgraded from a 5 to I think a 2. It is now about 100 miles or less from our beach and the island where I work. They say it is 80 miles off shore right now but could come as close as 50 miles into the shore. They are fairly sure it will not make land fall in FL.

So far right now everyone says it isn’t anything more than a rain storm. But who knows as it gets closer and if it moves in to us or if it moves further out. I hope it stays this way and we can get back to work Thursday.

I hope to go home tomorrow if it’s done by 12 pm.  But at least we are safe and hopefully this thing misses us. Hope all my readers are safe if you were or are in the path of this thing.



It is 10:40 a.m and I just want to scream fuck the storm lets get on with life as normal. Whatever happens happens. It was supposed to of been here and gone by now we should be well on our way in cleaning up and heading back to work. We are still waiting on it. It is still 195 miles below where we are and they have no idea where it is going to go. They keep saying hug or skirt the coast but they do not know how close. Last night they were saying 30 to 40 miles off the coast I was okay with that. Today the eye is all but touching us. Then they say we do not know how far off it will be and by the way we don’t know if or where it may come on shore at it is likely.

Some of the charts bring it in down south straight up the middle just about. Others show it coming in right below us or right above us. Still on us we would still be in some of the worse of it. Most are showing it with the eye running up and around the coast just on land or just off but to close.

We will have a lot of damage if it follows these paths. Tons of homes and business lost, flooding like we haven’t seen and who knows if we will have power for how long we will be out. I don’t think our old bridges to the island and then to the beaches will survive. Then what do we do?

Most hit and run I guess you could say. You feel it for some hours and it’s gone. This one could crawl over us for 2 days they are saying. That is bad really bad and makes the damage worse. Places that may have withstood a fast blow over may not be able to withstand this thing sitting on it beating and beating on it and all the extra water and pressure from it.

Everything is closing with no idea of when they will open again. Others are trying to hold out and get as many trucks as they can in so people can get things they need. Because once they close no one knows when or what will be able to open or how long it will take to get trucks into us so they have things we need.

People think you get a little rain, wind some damage you go back to normal when it is over. It really is not like that. Like now everyone’s lives have come to a stop or their day to day has drastically changed dealing with this. Now all we can do is sit and wait days for it to hit and then wait days for it to pass so we spend days more with no power sometimes no water and just wonder when life will go back to normal. People do not know how stressful going through something like this really is.

I am in a weird place right now. I am in that place where I know I need to do things and get ready but I can’t force myself up and get them done. I know this is bad but at the same time the not knowing not having any idea and being in limbo makes it harder to want to do anything. Honestly I just want to sleep. Everything is bothering me with the kids wanting to do things and bored. I just want to be left a lone. I feel horrible for it. I am very irritated when I am awake.

I just want life back to normal or at least this thing to hit us so we can start working toward normal again.

I think another update should of just come or be coming. I guess I should go check it and see what they are saying. I need to finish getting my carport cleaned off because I only half done it last night. We are getting a little bit of wind and rain off and on now. Nothing major but it is going to get worse through out the day and tomorrow they say.



{September 1, 2019}   Hurricane Dorian Watch Starts

Not been on much been stressing about missing so much work over this storm out there. Not really stressing the storm itself just how much time I will be missing from work. My day job is on the island so who knows what kind of damage it will get how long before they restore power and open bridges if it is bad.

We are expected to start feeling wind and rain as of right now around 8 am Monday. The storm will be 100 miles away from land about 200 away from me. They are showing it coming out off the coast right up by us 40 to 50 miles out. But it could still turn and come in below or above us. If we are really unlucky on us.

I have no idea what I and the kids are doing as of yet. Still trying to decide. I am leaning heavy on staying and checking into a shelter right before it starts and checking out as soon as we can leave. Only thinking about that because of the big trees in the yard so close to the house.

Still tossing around the idea of just staying and riding it out in the house.

My mom is freaking we need to rent a car big enough for us all to go in and go north but it could and most likely will go there. I already told her I am not leaving my car if I leave risk something happening to it. Plus I do not have money to waste on renting one when me and the kids can go in my car. She can go with my sister, brother call a friend or jump on a bus. I refuse to drive 100’s of miles with her. She wants to dictate what way you go, how fast you go, when you stop,where if and when you pull over for the night or what. If you do not there is a fight. She starts freaking out until she is sick and you have to stop. At that point I would drive off and leave her somewhere. Not think twice or feel bad about it. She wants to dictait where to go how far and all that. I’m not. If I leave I will go to family in GA, SC or NC. Depending what the storm is doing and all that. Probably do not need to go as far as NC but my friend in SC is only about 30 minutes from there so. I probably do not need to go that far into SC but if I’m go may as well make a trip of it go see everyone check the areas out see what they are like. Beats spending days in a motel or shelter. Kill two birds with one stone it won’t cost me much in gas save me in paying for motel. I don’t want to take her to my friends or families houses or around them either she so ungrateful complains talks about so much.

She has went so far as to tell me I will lose my kids to CPS if I put them our stuff and dogs in my car because it is to small. It is small but you make do. One dog back floor at little kids feet on infront floor at kids feet. One big case for clothes everyone 3 to4 outfits that all. One blanket each in very back. I have a Sion XB that will be all we will be taking.

Then she tried to tell me it is to old it will break down or may. I have had it 2.5 months and have 4800 miles and still going strong. The newer idea shot out of the water because look at my 2009 I only got 88 miles in.

This is were we sit right now I will try to update over the next few days as I can. I need to clean the carport and make dinner and pack bags just incase we decide to leave go to a shelter or what.

All of you if you are in this things path or could I

End up there or feel it’s wrath in some way stay safe check in and let us know your okay.



et cetera
%d bloggers like this: