Single___Parent___Life











{December 13, 2019}   The Most Miserable Time of Year

I am in a horrible mood this afternoon, of course everyone has decided to come to work now instead of this morning. I feel like I just want to cry. I jumped up and went to the bathroom when they got here because I was about to then. Trying to detract myself so that I don’t but it is hard. This time of the year is so full of bad times and awful memories and no matter how hard I say I am going to make it better this year and change that it never seems to happen. I feel sick to my stomach right now and my head is starting to hurt from being so upset. On top of it all the bitch had to call me at work and start.

I got into it last night with my oldest over things. It was pretty ugly, I feel bad for that. It is her fault and the bitches fault. They are all listening to her and everything is a mess. I’m tired of working my ass off and dealing with all the bullshit and them doing everything she says and not listening when she has no fucking say at all. So then we end up fighting because they get mad I am mad because they are not listening and the bitch has to get in and put her two cents in. But like I told my oldest I am working my ass off trying to hold everything together keep a place and everything else give them what they need and a little of what they want. But it is coming down to the point that it is putting our place to live in jeopardy the things they are doing. If we have to move from here then I can’t get us into anywhere else. Others may not even want to rent to us. I finally just told her keep it up if we end up homeless they will take them away and send them to live with their dad. They would have no one to blame but their self and her.

I also told her I worked to hard to keep a place and do all this, if that happens that is where they will stay no matter what. Not coming back once I get settled again. I’m not going to be done that way because they don’t want to listen. They don’t listen do what they want they live with the outcome. They are 14 and 16 years old they more than know. I told her at this point they don’t do what they are supposed to they will not go with me and the little kids on the weekend anymore either. I’m not good enough for anything else then I’m not good enough to take you out to run around do fun things go to dinner and spend my money on you either.

Between all the sickness and death I have dealt with between now and the be gaining of the year over the years and now having crappy Christmas the last few years. I don’t even want to think about Christmas or anything to do with it.

I know it is not about the gifts and the kids really do too. But when they have asked for the samethings for a few years for christmas and their birthdays and you can’t do anything. They say I want this but I know you can’t afford it so I guess just this or that.

The last few years I just have not had it. This year I finally was going to do it and then shit hit the fan. Ha nothing good happens to you or for you. You were a fool for thinking it would. Why would you think you deserve anything good. I dont care about me I want it for my kids because even though we are going through a ruff patch between us they are good kids and dont get much through the year and they understand I have to work such long hours and things. I just dont know. Why my kids have to suffer as much as I work my ass off.

 



Im sorry you are not appreciated.



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